


Andrea Doria

by MistressMacha



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, Family, Family Feels, First Love, Forbidden Love, Forced Relationship, Historical, Historical Accuracy, Love, Music, Protective Siblings, Rivalry, Romance, Shameless Smut, Smut, True Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 68,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressMacha/pseuds/MistressMacha
Summary: Set on the final voyage of the Italian ocean liner Andrea Doria, Dana is travelling with her marriage-obsessed mother with the intention of meeting a potential suitor in New York. She takes a liking to the first-class pianist, Gerard, who works on the ship and shares a cabin with his younger brother Mikey, the second-class pianist and occasional first-class stand-in for Gerard on his nights off. However, Gerard and Dana don't just have to contend with her social-climbing mother; Francis Iero, 14th Prince of Biscari, has taken a liking to Dana, and will not be easily dissuaded.There's plenty of smut, romance, and deep sibling feeling and protectiveness. I've also put a lot of research into historical accuracy, so if you're into any of this, I'm your girl.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Original Character(s), Frank Iero/Original Female Character(s), Gerard Way/Original Female Character(s), Gerard Way/Original Male Character(s), Mikey Way/Original Character, Mikey Way/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShoNoMercy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShoNoMercy/gifts).



> A lot of the speech in this story would, in reality, be in Italian, as it is set on an Italian boat. However, as most readers will be English speakers, it is written entirely in English.
> 
> All prices are in 1956 USD value, so to get current prices multiply by 9.98.

17 July 1956

“See, Dana, I told you the Andrea Doria was worth the extra travel to Genoa.” Her mother elbowed her playfully in the ribs. “She may not be the fastest, but she is definitely the most elegant, the most beautiful, and the most impressive. Her reputation precedes her in every way. Minoletti himself helped design her. She will definitely make an impression on your Mr Bryar when we reach New York.”  
Dana rolled her eyes. “Mum, he is not MY Mr Bryar. I don’t even like him. He’s not even cute in paintings, and we both know paintings are MEANT to be FLATTERING!”  
“Cute fades, honey, prospects don’t.” Her mother was gesticulating angrily at a porter. “He owns half the railyards on the East Coast. You’ll be set for life.” She finally pulled their cabin slips out of her purse and thrust them at the porter. “Anyway, what about his letters?”  
“Perfunctory and dull. Mother, I don’t want him.” Dana examined her fingernails.   
Her mother gritted her teeth. “Dana, you’ve already rejected that lovely and more to the point titled young gentleman Toro. You’ll get yourself a reputation.”  
Dana raised her eyebrows. “Mother, Toro was a total count.”  
“Dana…” Her mother let out an exasperated cry. “Well, maybe you’ll meet somebody on the ship. If you must let down Mr Bryar, let it at least be because you have a backup plan in place.”  
“How romantic.” Dana rolled her eyes again. “I don’t WANT MR Bryar. I want… I want…” She saw a man with messy black hair and pale skin further down the side of the ship for a second and her mouth fell open. “I want HIM.”  
Her mother looked impatiently to where she was pointing. “Dana, I don’t see him.”  
“Mum, he was THERE! He was tall, and…” And he was beautiful. “And he had dark hair, and pale skin, and…and…“ And he was perfect.  
“And he might be married. And he might not be travelling on Andrea Doria. And he might even just be CREW!” Her mother shuddered and hurried her up the gangplank. “Cabins 54 and 55, on the Upper Deck. Here’s your key.” Dana looked down and read the number “54” on the tag. “All your things should be unpacked and ready when you get there, so be sure to change into something nice for the welcome formal dinner after resting awhile. You want to look your best, darling, because you do only get one chance to make a first impression.” Her mother looked her daughter up and down. “Perhaps the off-shoulder black silk and net with the large roses embroidery. If your young man IS here… it will look lovely with your beautiful long red hair.” She smiled teasingly and headed down the corridor.

At first glance, Dana was disappointed not to see him in the crowded first class social area. She had spent over an hour carefully applying red lipstick to match the roses on the dress and choosing an amethyst chain necklace and matching earrings designed to show off her clavicle, as well as black ballet flats to complement the flared skirt of the dress. Scanning the room again, her heart leapt when she suddenly saw him sitting at the piano, wearing black tie and focusing intently on the music, seemingly playing entirely from memory. Trying to hide how ecstatic she was to see him, she drifted slowly over, subtly tugging down the neckline of her dress to emphasise her cleavage and leaning casually over the grand piano beside him. “You know, I didn’t know passengers were allowed to use the piano.”  
He looked up at her, his eyebrows raised and his hazel eyes amused. “Neither did I.” His eyes ran up and down the length of her body and he smiled to himself. Dana found herself shivering with unexpected pleasure as if he was physically stroking her skin with the tips of his fingers. “Tell me, are you a dancer?”  
“No, uh, yes, but no, I mean, well, yes, I can dance, I don’t often…” She cursed herself. Dana, you sound like an imbecile. She found herself unexpectedly blushing. “I mean, I’m not a professional, no, but I do often find myself at events where one has to dance, and I have had some instruction. Why do you ask?”  
He smiled lazily, not even glancing at the keys as he played, his eyes tracing excruciatingly slowly up her body. “The fine arch of your foot, the delicate turn of your ankle, your long, slim, beautifully toned legs, your perfect poise, the beautiful line of your body…” He looked into her eyes, his voice seductive. “You have the grace of a fine ballet dancer.” A wicked hint came into his eyes. “It makes me want to run the tip of my finger from the ends of your toes to the top of your spine…”  
Dana felt her breath hitch and an unfamiliar warm, pleasurable feeling spread out from between her legs, making her shift restlessly on the spot. “I… oh…” What the hell?  
He grinned. “Maybe you can come back here later, once everyone else has gone. I might play you your favourite song… you know, if you ask me nicely…” He flashed her a wicked smile.  
“Yes.” A hot flush was spreading up Dana’s neck as he kept looking at her through his long dark eyelashes, his messy thick black hair half in his eyes. “Yes, that… that sounds nice.”  
“DANA! There you are!” Her mother was bustling over with a young man in her wake. “Come and meet Count Deveraux! His family owns half of Derbyshire!”  
Wonderful. Dana glanced reluctantly back at the man with the black hair. He smiled. “See you later, Dana…”  
“I…” Dana swallowed. “I don’t even know your name.”  
“Gerard.” His smile took on a softness. “It’s Gerard.”  
Gerard. Good Lord. Dana had to fight the urge to wipe her forehead. Even his name was enough to make her go weak at the knees.  
“DANA!” Her mother was on the verge of stamping her foot. “Leave him ALONE!”  
Dana felt a wave of shame. Her mother was acting as if he was some kind of mangy stray animal or something. She looked desperately at Gerard, her hand suddenly on his shoulder. She could feel the bones and tendons and muscles working skillfully beneath his jacket as he manipulated the piano keys, wondered how it would be to feel them move with her hand on his bare skin, wondered what his bare skin even felt like, imagined running her hand across it… She quickly snatched her hand away. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” She gestured apologetically at her incandescent mother. “I’ll… see you.” Please still be here.  
“You won’t.” Her mother seized her arm and dragged her to the dancefloor. “Count Deveraux would very much like to dance with you.” She winked and Dana inwardly cringed.  
Count Deveraux bowed courteously. “So, Miss Dana, how are you finding Andrea Doria? Did you know the art on her alone is worth over one million dollars?”  
“No, I’m afraid I did not. Besides, I tend not to define the value of things in terms of money.” Dana shifted uncomfortably and there was a silence.  
“My daughter is an… an individual,” said her mother almost apologetically.  
“It also has three swimming pools,” offered the count.  
“You planning on using them?” Dana snorted. “In the North Atlantic run?”  
“Ah. Yes.” The count cleared his throat and looked at the floor, and then finally offered her his hand. “So… shall we?”  
If we must. “Of course.” Dana took his hand and Gerard immediately started forcefully pounding out Beethoven’s Ninth on the piano, and she had to fight off a laugh. The count somehow managed to work around the music to lead a serviceable dance, until a young man with long dark hair and large hazel eyes appeared.  
“Francis Iero, 14th Prince of Biscari.” He bowed and offered his hand. “May I cut in?”  
Count Deveraux stepped in front of Dana. “No, sir, you may not.”  
Prince Iero turned red. “I believe, good sir, that the rules of etiquette state that I may, if the lady so wishes.”  
Count Deveraux let go of Dana and put his hands on his hips. “And if the lady does not so wish?”  
“The lady does not so wish to dance with either of you…” muttered Dana, slipping away unnoticed as the men bickered and knocking back two martinis in quick succession at the bar. And her mother wondered why she had so little time for aristocrats. She glanced over at Gerard and found herself looking directly into his eyes as he slowly and deliberately brushed his lower lip with his thumb. For a second she could feel his lips on hers, his tongue moving deep in her mouth and his hands in her hair, and she started to breathe heavily, bracing herself against the bar and longing to feel his mouth pressed passionately on hers, if only once, if only for a brief taste. She watched his fingers dance over the keys and suddenly she could feel his hands on her body, stroking her, caressing her skin, tracing his skilled fingertips all over her…

Dana blushed bright red, wondering if anyone there had any idea what she was thinking, and then mentally told herself off for being so paranoid. Who WAS he, anyway? Everyone else here was falling over to introduce themselves by their full names and titles but he was happy to just be… Gerard. And he was happy for her just to be Dana. It was nice. It was… refreshing.

And whatever her mother said, she’d be back by the piano by ten that night to pick up where they left off.


	2. 2

17 July 1956

Dana could hear the piano from down the corridor, an unusual male voice singing, and she immediately recognised it. Gerard. She had to restrain herself from sprinting as she sped through the corridors towards the social hall, taking a deep breath and smoothing her formal dress down before she pushed open the heavy doors.  
“I was afraid you wouldn’t come.” Gerard looked up at Dana through his beautiful long dark eyelashes, his bow tie loose around his neck and his top button undone, and she felt her stomach flip. “And believe me when I say that I don’t say that very often…” He paused and gave her a crooked smile. “In ANY sense of the word.”  
Dana blushed crimson and he laughed and stopped playing, holding out his hand. “Way. Gerard Way.”  
Dana offered her hand and he took it in his and kissed it politely, holding his lips there a fraction too long as he looked into her eyes. “Please…” Dana took in a shaky gasp of air. “Please don’t stop playing, Gerard. That song… it was so beautiful.”  
“It’s one of mine.” He smiled gently to himself as he started to play again. “I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to get away. That mother of yours seems like quite the piece of work.”  
“Luckily, we have separate cabins… and I still had to wait for her to fall asleep.” Dana gritted her teeth.  
“And your full name?” Gerard raised his eyebrows. “It’s only fair, I went first.”  
“Dana… Dana d’Anjou,” she admitted reluctantly. “I’m a descendant of the extinct noble house of Anjou.” She rolled her eyes. “And yes, she is. My mother dreams of recapturing the old days of nobility and of finally shaking off the smell of ‘new money’. My great-grandfather struck gold in the Yukon. Apparently, that’s a cardinal sin.”  
“New money? Hell, I’d take any money.” Gerard grinned at her. “Anjou? Didn’t your house have some issue with the devil a few hundred years back?”  
“So they say. It’s about the only interesting thing about it.” Dana laughed. “Forgive me for asking, but… if you don’t have any money, how is it you’re travelling in first class on Andrea Doria?”  
“I’m not.” Gerard looked at her with a mixture of disappointment and shock. “I’m the pianist. I thought you knew.”  
“I…no.” Dana shook her head. “I assumed you were a passenger, a… a talented passenger, an extraordinarily talented passenger…”  
“Probably because my first class pianist job gives me access to the entire first class area of the boat.” He looked at her sadly. “And am I to guess our relationship ends here, Miss d’Anjou?”  
“I… I…” Dana swallowed. “No, Gerard, you are not.” She slid onto the piano stool beside him and put her hand on his. “I’m just… surprised. Suddenly… it’s strange. Suddenly, it’s like I feel I don’t know you.”  
“Well, as you may have guessed, I’m the first-class pianist.” Gerard gestured at the piano and Dana laughed. “I travel back and forth on the boat as she crosses the Atlantic, sharing a crew cabin with my little brother Mikey, who’s the second class pianist.” He paused. “Well, mostly he is, but on my nights off he subs here for me. He’s not half as good, though.” Gerard winked at her. “I’m Irish-Italian, but I really played up the Italian side at the audition to help get the job on the boat. A musician job on a boat like the Andrea Doria is really a holy grail for a modern musician who can’t make it in the big houses, and definitely not one to be chanced with… and yet…” He ran the tip of his finger down the side of her face and toyed with her earring. “And yet… you tempt me, Miss d’Anjou.”  
Dana’s breath quickened as she felt his hand in her hair. “I do?”  
“Yes…” He tilted his head, his breath hot on her face and his eyes not breaking contact with hers. “You do…”  
Dana opened her mouth to say something but no words came out, only a long sigh. The warm pleasurable feeling was spreading outward again, an odd beat beneath her. “You…” She swallowed. “You said you’d play me my favourite song…”  
“Not exactly…” He leaned in to whisper in her ear. “I said I would if you asked me nicely.” His tongue flicked her earlobe and he began to trace his finger up and down her spine.  
Dana gasped quietly, her knuckles whitening as she gripped the polished wood of the grand piano. “And… and how would that be?”  
“Like this.” He leaned in and kissed her gently, his hand stroking the side of her face.  
“…That’s… that’s pretty nicely,” managed Dana, biting down hard on her lip.  
Gerard smiled and ran his thumb slowly along her bottom lip. “Would you like me to show you again?”  
“Oh, oh yes.” Dana nodded frantically and he laughed, pulled her in and kissed her gently again. “And my… my favourite song, it’s the Moonlight Sonata.”  
“Really?” Gerard gave her an odd look. “Because you don’t strike me as much of a Beethoven girl.”  
“Not Beethoven, not exactly, just that… that one song.” Dana smiled as he immediately started to play, closing her eyes and leaning her head back as she listened. Suddenly she felt his lips moving on her throat, kissing the side of her neck. “That’s an impressive trick…”  
“What? Playing the piano?” She could hear a barely suppressed laugh in his voice.  
“No, doing both at the same time.” She turned her head and grinned at him. “Although… although…” He was kissing her neck again, working his way downward, and she arched her head back. “Although I definitely like your interpretation of the piece…”  
“Mmmm, you do?” He kept kissing her, and then his mouth was on hers and he had abandoned the piano to kiss her more and more passionately, his hands in her hair and his tongue moving deep in her mouth. His elbow hit the piano keys, making a discordant plonking sound, and he impatiently shoved the lid closed with a slam, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist and lifting her up and onto it.  
“Oh God, Gerard…” Dana kicked off her shoes and slid her hands through his hair, the new feelings pulsing more powerfully through her as he threw his jacket and bow tie onto the floor and pulled open his shirt, his arms lowering her slowly backwards against the piano. “Oh… oh, you taste so, so good…” She wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders and pressed herself tightly against him, hesitating a little as he dropped his pants and she felt his hands under her skirt. “Uh…”  
“Dana?” Gerard looked up at her with concern. “Is everything OK?”  
“I… I…” Dana broke into a broad smile and Gerard grinned. “Oh God, yes, everything’s fine…”  
“Thank God…” Gerard murmured under his breath, unhooking her brassiere. "Jesus, how much foam is in these things?"  
Dana looked at him, completely straight-faced. "None. All women's breasts are naturally shaped like torpedoes."  
"Point taken." Gerard shrugged and threw her brassiere over his shoulder, yanking her dress down to expose her chest and kissing down the side of her neck, stroking her breasts. She gripped him tighter as he slid off her silk stockings, lifting up each leg and kissing it from the toe to the inner thigh, feeling herself tremble. “Oh, Dana, you… you…” He began to touch her through her silk panties and she swore quietly, her hands clenching and wrinkling the back of his shirt. “Oh, you-“  
“Gerard, is the sheet music for tomorrow in the piano stool or-“ A tall, thin man shoved open the doors and Dana screamed and yanked up her dress to cover herself. “FUCK, GERARD!”  
“MIKEY! GET THE FUCK OUT!” Gerard was gesticulating wildly. “CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY?”  
“JESUS, Gerard, the fucking PIANO?” Mikey looked disgusted. “Don’t you know I have to TOUCH that damn thing tomorrow?!”  
Gerard gave him a smug look. “Yeah, but that just means it’s my turn to touch it now.”  
Mikey’s eyes narrowed. “Jerk.”  
Gerard grinned. “Bitch.”  
Mikey let out a cry of exasperation and stormed out.  
“So, that was my kid brother.” Gerard looked down at Dana and stroked her face. “I’m so sorry. I’ll understand if you want to call it a night.”  
“Gerard, I’m already out alone after ten. I’m already alone with a man.” Dana grinned. “I’d say I’m in trouble already. It might as well be for something good.”  
“Christ, Dana, I like how you think…” Gerard buried his face in the side of her neck and she pulled her dress back down, breathing heavily as he kissed her breasts and throat. His hands were back under her dress, peeling off her silk panties, and he was kissing her passionately, fingering her expertly and urgently. Dana let out a strangled gasp, pushing herself against his fingers and writhing as he touched her.  
“Oh Gerard, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…” The warm feeling was spreading faster and faster as she gasped, pulsing through her body. “Oh my God, this is… this is amazing!”  
She heard Gerard laugh quietly as he began to move his fingers faster and her body arched off the piano as she cried out, grabbing at his body and pulling him closer to her. He pushed one finger inside her and she jerked, forcing away an unwanted jolt of pain mixed in with the pleasure as Gerard kissed her deeply, his tongue moving in her mouth as he pushed another finger into her. She fought the discomfort away, kissing him harder and harder as the pleasure built inside her body, every inch of her trembling, “Oh Gerard, oh, oh, oh Gerard, oh Gerard, oh Lord… oh, oh, oh my…”  
“Dana, Dana, Dana…” Gerard was kissing her more and more frantically, pressing her further back against the piano and lifting her hips with his other hand. Dana screamed and arched, her fists clenched against his back, and he could feel her starting to shake beneath his body. He rubbed and kneaded and tapped his fingers skillfully, listening to her gasping his name into his ear as her hips thrust up against his hand, her breaths coming in hitches and jolts as he moved faster and faster. “Tell me, Dana, tell me how good this feels…”  
“Oh Christ, Gerard, it feels fantastic, it feels like nothing I’ve ever felt before, it feels… it feels like HEAVEN!” Dana had a dazed smile spreading across her face, her arms tightening around his back. “Oh Jesus, oh, oh, oh Gerard, oh this is incredible, oh!” The jolts of pleasure had spread through her whole body and she was thrusting up against Gerard’s hips as he pushed his body against hers. He slipped his boxers down and she started to rub up against his skin, the sensation almost driving her insane. “Oh God, oh God, oh God!” He was kissing her passionately, finally moving forward and pushed inside of her, feeling her body contort violently beneath his and hearing her screaming his name as she came hard against him.  
“Oh Dana, oh God, oh, oh, you feel so GOOD!” Gerard kissed her again and again, running his hands up her body and into her hair to cradle the sides of her face.  
“Gerard…” Dana kissed him gently, wrapping her hands tightly around his back and pushing her hips harder and harder into his. “Oh, you’re incredible…”  
“I know.” Gerard laughed. “But thank you.”  
“And yet so modest.” Dana shoved him playfully, and then her breath caught in her throat as he began to move faster and harder. “Oh God, oh God, yes, keep doing that, just like that…”  
“Mmmm, just like that?” Gerard silently thanked God. He didn’t think he could go any harder or faster.  
“Yes, just like that, just like that…” Dana pulled him down to kiss her, her hands tangled in his hair. “Oh, Gerard, you taste so good, oh, you taste so GOOD!”  
“So do you…” Gerard started to kiss the side of her neck, moving down to her shoulders. “Oh, Dana, you feel so good, you taste so good, I could just do this all night…”  
Dana smiled against his lips, pulses of pleasure pushing more deeply and powerfully inside of her body. “Smooth talker.”  
“No, Dana, you have no idea how good this feels, you have no idea how good you feel…” Gerard kept kissing her, more and more frantically as he felt his legs start to tremble.  
“Mmmm, Gerard, you feel good too, please keep doing that, just like that, oh yes! YES! JUST LIKE THAT!” Dana was rubbing hard against him and Gerard was fighting hard to keep control of himself. “Oh yes, yes, yes, more, oh, oh OH! OH, OH, OH JESUS, OH GERARD OH-“  
Dana came fast and hard against Gerard’s hips as he pushed inside of her, his legs shaking violently as her body arched. “Oh… oh Gerard, oh…  
“Oh Dana, oh God, oh GOD…” Gerard came so hard his knees almost gave way and he had to grab the piano to hold himself up, gasping for breath. “Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Jesus…” He leaned in and kissed her, cradling her face in his hands. “Oh, Dana…”  
Dana smiled up at him and stroked his face, “Gerard. That was wonderful. That was everything I could have asked for in the world.”  
Gerard grinned. “Be sure to spread that one around.”  
Dana laughed. “Sure thing, Casanova.”  
Gerard kissed her and slowly stood up, helping Dana back into her dress and reaching down for his pants. “Wait…” Gerard saw the dark stains on his boxers, the red smears on his fingers and legs. “Dana… were…” He felt a wave of guilt. “Dana, were you a virgin?”  
“So what if I was?” asked Dana defensively, tucking her stockings into her bag and slipping on her shoes. “Is that some sort of crime?”  
“No, but… oh God, I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Gerard pushed back a surge of panic. “Please, tell me I didn’t hurt you, I would have been more careful if-“  
“Gerard. I came down here because I wanted you.” Dana smiled and kissed him. “And relax. You didn’t hurt me.”  
Thank God. Oh, thank God. “But…” Gerard bit his lip and stroked her face. “That’s not how you should lose your virginity, Dana. It should be slow, private, loving, romantic.” He sighed. “What it should not be is braced awkwardly over a grand piano.”  
“Well, it…” Dana forced herself to shrug nonchalantly. “Well, it was.”  
“Well, it doesn’t have to be.” Gerard buckled his pants, took her hand and led her towards the doors.  
“Where- Gerard, what are we doing?” Dana was struggling to keep up with him.  
“Where we’re going is to my bed, and what we’re going to do is do this properly. The right way.” He stopped and smiled down at her, leaning down to kiss her gently. “The way you deserve.”


	3. 3

17 July 1956

“Welcome to the lower decks of the Andrea Doria, Miss d’Anjou.” Gerard smiled and held open the elevator doors for her with one hand, the other stroking the small of her back. “Not many passengers get to see down here.”  
“What, you don’t find yourself a girl on every voyage?” Dana gave him a teasing look, but inside her stomach was tight with jealousy at the thought.  
“Never.” Gerard took her hand and led her through the corridors. “I actually have a personal rule against it, but…” He turned and looked at her, a smile creeping across his face. “But I just couldn’t resist you, Miss d’Anjou. Your beauty, your mind, your… beliefs, I just…” He shook his head wordlessly. “You are more than I had ever hoped to encounter in my lifetime.”  
Dana stared up at him for a moment and then grabbed his collar, pulled him down and kissed him hard. “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, Gerard, and after hearing you play that piano, after hearing that beautiful song you wrote, I swear…”  
“Dana. My cabin isn’t far.” There was a wicked look in Gerard’s eyes as he took her hand again, entwining his fingers closely with hers. “Much longer and round 2 is going to be on the floor of this corridor.”  
Dana laughed and almost ran after him through the narrow passageways. “Wow, it’s cramped down here…”  
“Not like first, I’ll give you that.” Gerard rolled his eyes. “I’m lucky, this is a nicer deck because I’m a skilled crewmember. It’s why I only have two berths in my cabin. Some men have six. Hell, some sleep in huge open dormitories or in hammocks in the engine room.” He stopped suddenly. “Here we are. Let’s see how pissed off Mikey is.”   
Gerard barged into his cabin, startling the four men sitting on the beds and playing poker. “Hey.” He thrust his thumb at the corridor. “Mikey. Out.”  
Mikey’s mouth fell open. “What, first the piano and now-“  
“Under the rules a woman trumps all other uses of a shared cabin. Out.” Gerard gestured towards the corridor with his thumb again and Dana stifled a laugh.  
“He IS right, Mikey.” One of the other guys shrugged and started to gather his things. “Woman beats poker. Don’t worry. My roommate’s passed out cold on hooch. We can go there.”  
Mikey gathered up his poker pieces and pushed past, muttering curses at his brother. Gerard craned his neck, watching them vanish down the corridor, and then his mouth was back on Dana’s and his arms wrapped around her back as he pushed her into the cabin, knotting his tie on the handle and slamming and locking the door behind them. “Now… where were we?”  
“You said…” Dana bit her lip nervously. “You said you were going to make it up, you were going to make it slow…”  
“Oh, that’s right, I did…” Gerard began to kiss her gently and slowly lowered her onto his bunk, unzipping the back of her dress. “I’m so, so sorry, Dana, I didn’t know, if I had I would never-“  
“Gerard. I didn’t tell you.” Dana leaned up and kissed him, tracing her thumb along his lower lip. “I didn’t tell you because…” She bit her lip and grinned up at him. “Because I wanted you.”  
“Oh…” He stared down at her. “Oh… oh God…” He pulled off her dress and started to kiss her neck, working down to her brassiere. “Oh, Dana, you are so beautiful…” He traced his hand slowly up her body, leaned down and kissed her deeply, his thumb stroking the corner of her mouth and his hands cradling her face. “Your face, your hair, your eyes, your curves, every curve… I love every one.” He began to kiss her all over, shrugging of his jacket and shirt and running his hands across her skin.  
“Gerard, that feels so good…” Dana smiled and began to stroke the back of his neck, running her hands through his hair.  
“Mmmm, it does?” He grinned up at her and unhooked her brassiere, tossing it aside and kissing her breasts. “Oh, I promise not to make fun of the padding this time…”  
She smacked him playfully. “You better not.”  
“Oh, I wouldn’t dare…” Gerard’s mouth was back on hers, kissing her passionately as he pushed off her panties and his hand crept back between her legs.  
Dana’s breath caught as she felt his fingers start to move, stroking and rubbing and kneading, and every muscle in her body trembled. “Oh Gerard, oh, that feels so good…”  
Gerard smiled and kept kissing her, pressing his body as hard as he could against hers as she held his face in her hands. “Dana…” He ran his other hand up her side as he touched her, stroking the side of her neck with his thumb as his fingers brushed through her hair. “Oh, Dana…”  
“Yes, Gerard, yes, please…” Dana wrapped her arms tightly around his back as he began to kiss the side of her neck, breathing in the scent of her hair and her skin. “Oh Gerard…” She turned her head and kissed his hair, stroking his back with her fingers as she held him as close as she could. The pleasure was rushing through her faster and faster as he touched her and she began to thrust her hips upwards, pushing against his fingers.  
Gerard murmured to himself and flicked open the waistband of his pants, shoving them off impatiently and breathing more and more heavily as she pushed up against him, moving his fingers faster and faster. Dana swore quietly and he felt her body begin to tremble beneath his as he moved his fingers skillfully, and he smiled, leaned down and kissed her gently, then more and more passionately as she grabbed at his hair. “Dana, Dana, Dana, you’re perfect, you are…”  
“Oh Gerard… oh… oh Gerard…” Dana could barely get the words out between kisses. “Oh… oh, that… that feels so good, SO GOOD…”  
“Oh yes…” Gerard pushed a finger inside her and she moaned, pushing against his hand. “Oh, Dana, you’re killing me, I swear…”  
“Oh God, oh GOD, OH GOD, OH JESUS!” A red flush was spreading up Dana’s neck as the pleasure pounded overwhelmingly through her body, and Gerard pulled her close and kissed her passionately as she clung to his back, her hands tightening. “Oh Gerard, oh God, oh… OH, OH, OH, oh GERAAAARRRRD!”  
Dana came hard against him, her body arching upwards and pushing against his and her whole body shaking. Gerard wrapped his arms tightly around her back and pulled her in closely against his chest, kissing her again and again as she shook and finally collapsed exhausted on her back, gasping for breath. “Dana, oh Dana…” He finally slipped off his boxers and moved forward slowly, pushing inside of her. “Oh… oh Dana…”  
“Gerard, Gerard, Gerard, oh Christ, oh that was wonderful…” Dana felt a fresh jolt of pleasure and grabbed his hair, pulling him in to kiss her hard. “Oh, oh, this is wonderful, you feel so good, Gerard, you feel so good…”  
“So do you, Dana, so do you…” Gerard was kissing her deeply, running his hands across her bare skin. “Oh, Dana, you have no idea…”  
“Oh yes, oh yes…” Dana raised her hips and a fresh rush of pleasure shot through her body as she clung to him, pulling him in close as he kissed her frantically, his hands back in her hair. “Oh yes, Gerard, this feels so good, oh my God…”  
“Mmmm, it does?” She felt him smile against her mouth as he kissed her, resting his forehead against hers, her eyes looking into his and their lips brushing together as he moved.  
“Oh yes, oh it does…” Dana kissed him hard as the waves of pleasure filled every part of her, sliding her hands down his body to grip the sides of his waist. “Keep going, keep going, oh God…”  
Gerard laughed quietly. “Oh, I am…”  
“I know, I know, oh God, Gerard, you feel so good…” Dana kept kissing him, her hand on the back of his neck. “Oh, kiss me harder, Gerard, you taste so good, oh, you taste wonderful…”  
“Oh Dana…” Gerard kissed her deeply, pushing his tongue into her mouth and feeling her hot breath on his face. “I’ve never felt… I’ve never felt anything like this before, I swear, it’s not… it’s not just a line…” A desperate look came into his eyes. “Believe me, Dana, I swear…”  
“I believe you, I believe you…” Dana kissed him gently, watching tears come into his eyes. She started to stroke the side of his face as he kissed her neck and throat, kissing her breasts as her body trembled. “Oh, Gerard, Gerard, Gerard…”  
“Oh God, Dana…” Gerard’s mouth was back on hers and he was kissing her urgently, his hands in her hair as he pushed deeper and deeper inside her. “Dana, please tell me you’re close, Jesus, please…”  
“Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes…” Dana’s whole body was shaking as she felt herself becoming overwhelmed with pleasure. “Oh… oh Gerard, I… I… Oh, oh, oh OH OH!” Her arms clamped tightly around his back as she came, and a few seconds later he finally came himself, breathing her name over and over as he collapsed exhausted on top of her, still inside of her.  
“Oh Dana… oh Dana…” Gerard was breathing heavily, his hair a chaotic mess half falling into his eyes. “Oh, you are just… you are the most special, wonderful person I have ever met.”  
“So are you.” Dana pulled him down to kiss her, her face flushed. “I’ve never met anyone like you, Gerard. I don’t think I ever could.”  
He kissed her gently, cradling the sides of her face in his hands. “Oh, Dana, kiss me, stop me from… stop me from opening my damn stupid mouth, please…”  
Dana smiled and ran her hand down his back, breathing hard. “Now, why would I want to do that?”  
“Because… because…” Gerard leaned down and wrapped his arms tightly around her, kissing her passionately and feeling her breathing into his mouth. “Because otherwise my stupid damn mouth is going to tell you I love you.”  
Dana’s mouth fell open. “You love me?”  
“Yeah, yeah I think I do, and… and it’s a terrible idea, it is, and I know better, but oh God, oh God, I do, you’re perfect…” Gerard looked into her eyes and kissed her gently, stroking the side of her face. “I will never meet anyone like you again, Dana, and more to the point, I don’t want to. I just want you.” He kissed her again and smiled. “You’re all I will ever want.”  
“I… I…” Shit. You cannot feel this, Dana. This is so bad. She smiled up at him. “I love you too.”  
“You do?” Gerard broke into a broad smile. “Really?”  
Dana grinned and kissed him again.”Really.”  
“Oh, Dana…” Gerard kissed her softly, finally rolling onto his back beside her and gathering her up in his arms, and she smiled and buried her head in the side of his neck, breathing in the scent of his hair. “Oh, I love you…”  
“I love you too.” Dana laid her head and his chest and ran her fingers over his bare skin. “I want to stay like this forever…”  
Gerard smiled and kissed the top of her head, stroking her back. “Me too.”

She finally crept back into her cabin at almost 6 the following morning after a very grumpy Mikey had spent the night sleeping in the corridor, only to see a thick envelope embossed with a printed Biscari royal coat of arms where it had been slid under her door. “Shit.” She flipped open the envelope to find a notecard embossed with the same printed crest.

“Francis Iero, 14th Prince of Biscari, requests your company at 7pm for a white tie dinner tomorrow night (18 July) in his private suite. His personal valet will be at your cabin at 6.45pm sharp in order to provide directions to his Highness’s personal accommodations.”

Dana rolled her eyes. “Double shit.”


	4. 4

18 July 1956

“How do you like the wine, Miss d’Anjou?” Prince Francis looked at her expectantly.  
I hate wine. “It’s… uh… wine.” Dana forced a smile.  
“It’s from my own private collection. Very rare and very, very valuable. I always bring a selection of my favourites when I travel. One can never trust some unknown sommelier to have good taste, even on a ship as fine as the Andrea Doria.” He gestured at her glass. “That, for example, is a Chateau Lafite from 1869. Excellent, excellent year.”  
“Well, it’s… nice.” Dana wondered what Gerard was doing. Playing cards with his friends, reading, maybe thinking of her too…  
“Your mind seems elsewhere, Dana.” The prince was trying to sound amused, but there was a definite edge in his voice.  
Shit. “Oh, no, no, it’s not, I’m just a little… seasick.” Dana managed a weak smile. “I apologise for my rudeness, Your Highness.”  
“Please, call me Francis.” He gestured at his valet. “Cesar! Fetch the lady some ground ginger.” He smiled at her. “I have found ground ginger to be an excellent treatment for nausea, Dana. I was once caught in a severe North Atlantic storm. I have honestly never felt so unwell in my entire existence.”  
“Thank you, Francis. That’s very kind.” Dana actually smiled genuinely for the first time. “I honestly apologise, and I hope I haven’t offended you-“  
“Of course not.” He smiled back, and the ground ginger promptly appeared in front of her, a small silver spoon perched on the side of the china plate beside it. “Thank you, Cesar. That will be all for now.”  
“Thank you, Cesar.” Dana smiled up at the valet and politely took a spoonful of the ginger, eyeing the seafood course with trepidation.  
“So, tell me about yourself, Dana.” Francis sat back in his chair. “ Are you educated?”  
“Yes, I did an art summer course at the Sorbonne-“  
“Excellent. Quite appropriate.” He nodded approvingly. “So, you speak French?”  
“French, Italian, English, and a little Spanish.” Dana took a sip of water.  
Francis nodded, a smile on his face. “Outstanding. And your age?”  
Dana gritted her teeth. “16.”  
“Wow.” Francis looked ecstatic. “That is… perfect. I trust this means you are untouched?  
'Untouched'? Ew. And most DEFINITELY not. Dana took a mouthful of squid to hide a smile, and immediately grimaced. “Forgive me, Francis, but this is starting to feel more like an audition than a date.”  
He sighed. “Look, Dana, let me be honest with you. I have been… somewhat of a playboy in my youth. Fast cars, beautiful women, yacht parties… but now I am 35, and my father is past 70. He is pressing me to grow up, marry, and produce an heir, and so far I have resisted him, but you…” He smiled at her. “You, Dana, are enough for me to want that, perhaps even to need it. I have never felt about anything the way I feel about you, Dana. There is no limit to the lengths I will go to in order to have you.” He gestured for Cesar to refill his glass. “Would you care for more wine?”  
Dana just stared at him. “So that’s what I’d be, a walking womb that’ll look nice at public occasions?”  
Francis looked shocked. “No, Dana, not at all, you would have the opportunity to do great things, exhibit your art, attend incredible shows, see the world, do invaluable charity and humanitarian work… all things you could never do without your status as Princess of Biscari.” He looked at her. “Can’t you see past that to see the wonderful things you could do for the poor, the sick, the desperate in our kingdom? Can’t you see the opportunities I’m offering you?”  
Dana hesitated and bit her lip. “Charity work?”  
He smiled. “Yes. We have many poor in Sicily, and many terrible, terrible things happen there every day. To be born a Sicilian is to live in fear, especially if you are a woman. If you are sick, few will help you; if you are poor, this is doubly so. You can help change this, Dana.” He reached over the table and took her hand, and she didn’t shrink away. “Look at Princess Grace of Monaco. She has barely been married three months, and already her philanthropy begins to overshadow her fame as a Hollywood starlet. She has accomplished this only through her marriage to the heir to the throne of Monaco. I know you don’t care for money, Dana, but the things you can do with my kingdom’s fortune are truly incredible, especially if you raise our children with the same values.” He paused. “Especially if the next Prince has the same values.”  
Dana nodded slowly, thoughts racing through her head.  
“Dana…” Francis sighed again. “I am, on many levels, not a good person. I know that you know this, and that you came here tonight only out of politeness. I cannot begin to tell you how glad I am that you did, as I desperately wanted an opportunity to explain myself. I can tell you don’t care for the aristocracy, and that you don’t care to be one of the titled, but please. I wish I was a better person, but my mother is a selfish woman, governed only by her own personal wants, and her own selfishness begat my own. I have come to accept this over time, but I fear I will never be able to truly change my inner self. I always swore I would raise my own children with a woman who could see beyond herself, who would raise them well, who would raise them to be the good people that I am not… and I would like very much for you to be that woman, Dana.” He squeezed her hand. “Please… I am not asking for an answer tonight, but at least think about it. Consider my offer. I don’t want to marry some shallow starlet or social-climbing aristocrat. I want a genuinely good person, and the fact you are a descendant of the House of Anjou is just a bonus. I love your kindness, your convictions, your courage, your principles, your beliefs.You could do wonderful things for the world’s poor and needy as the Princess of Biscari.”  
“I… I do care for them, but I’m afraid I also don’t care for the squid.” Dana grinned. “Perhaps we could skip to the next course early?”  
“But of course, my lady.” Francis winked at her as he summoned Cesar, and Dana couldn’t help but smile.

Gerard was woken by a soft rap on his cabin door at 10pm and leapt out of bed, grabbing his bow tie to knot on the door handle. “Dana?”  
“Hi, Gerard.” She smiled softly at him from the hallway, still wearing her floor length dark purple formal gown, the skirt so full he doubted she’d be able to fit through the doorway. “I’ve missed you.”  
“Oh God, I’ve missed you too…” Gerard tied the bow tie on the door handle and pulled her inside. “Dana, this dress, I…” He ran his hands over her bare back, kissing the side of her neck. “You look so beautiful…”  
“I’d say the same, but…” Dana eyed his plaid pyjamas and stifled a laugh. “You look like my Grandpa.”  
“Don’t worry.” He raised an eyebrow at her, unpinning the dragonfly clip from her long red hair and letting it fall loose around her shoulders. “I look much better out of them.”  
Dana burst out laughing. “Oh, Gerard, that is the worst line EVER…”  
“I know.” She felt him smile against her skin as he kissed her, unzipping her dress and trying to slip it off her. “Jesus, how do I… how many skirts does this thing have?!”  
“Oh, dozens…” Dana smiled and kissed him deeply, wrapping her arms around his back and pulling him close. “I love you, Gerard.”  
He smiled and kissed her gently. “I love you too.” He gestured at her dress. “But I’m going to need your help to get this demon dress off so I can lay you on my bed and make love to you over and over and over and over.”  
“Oooh, that sounds like fun…” Dana grinned and showed him the hidden hook and eye fastenings, pulling the top half of the dress slowly over her head and tossing it onto Mikey’s empty bed.  
“Oh, Dana…” Gerard pulled her in and kissed her passionately, slowly undoing the hooks and letting the skirts pool on the ground around her feet as he kissed her, starting to stroke her through her silk panties as he carried her to his bunk.  
“Oh Gerard, Gerard, Gerard…” Dana stroked the side of his face and wrapped her arm around his back as he pulled off his pyjama shirt. “Oh, kiss me, you taste so good…”  
He smiled and kissed her, slipping one arm around her waist as he laid her on his bed, and then she felt him finally push his hand inside her underwear. She squirmed a little with anticipation, feeling him begin to lightly stroke her with the tips of his fingers as he murmured her name under his breath. She swore quietly and pushed her hips towards him, trying to press herself more firmly against his fingers, and he pulled his hand away and gave her a look. “Come on, Dana, don't rush this…"  
She frowned. Why not? She opened her mouth to say something, and then he began to stroke her again and suddenly she no longer cared. “Oh... Gerard, that's so good…” She tightened her arm around his shoulders, breathing his name into his mouth as he kept lightly touching her with his fingertips. “Oh God, Gerard, please, harder, touch me harder…"  
He smiled and pulled her in closer, hearing her breathing quicken as he kissed her. “Be patient, Dana…”  
“Gerard, please…" Dana felt him begin to slip his hand further down between her legs and she swore again, her fingers grabbing at his back. “Oh, Gerard…" She moved her hand up and grabbed his hair, holding his forehead tightly against hers, her lips brushing against his mouth. “Oh... oh, Gerard…" She smiled against his mouth, wrapping her arm more tightly around his back. “Oh, Gerard…"  
He smiled and began to rub his fingers more firmly back and forth, hearing her breath catch in her throat as she began to move her hips, and then she was kissing him harder, breathing heavily into his mouth as she felt an aching tension slowly beginning to build between her legs, warm jolts of pleasure radiating through her body. “Oh Gerard, oh please, that's amazing, oh God…" She tilted her hips up to meet his fingers and began to rub herself up against him, feeling herself tense. “Oh... oh, Gerard…" She bit her lip, her hands curling into fists. “Gerard, don't stop, please, that's amazing, that's so amazing…"  
He was kissing her more and more passionately and slipping his hand further down between her legs, and he heard her let out an odd, gasping cry as he pushed his forefinger inside her, stroking upwards as he felt her tighten his legs around his hand and begin to rock against it. Her breathing started to become faster and heavier as she angled her hips up, rocking harder against his finger and pushing herself down hard on his fingertips. “Oh, Gerard, I... oh God, Gerard, I love you, I love you…” She wrapped both her arms around his back and pressed her chest so tightly against his that he could barely breathe, kissing him deeply and pushing her tongue into his mouth as her fingers raked across the back of his shirt. “Oh, Gerard, harder, please…"  
He smiled and pushed his forefinger deeper inside her, stroking her with his thumb, and then he felt her muscles clench. “Is that better?”  
“Oh, Gerard, yes, please don't stop…" Her legs began to shake and she smiled breathlessly, breathing his name and pressing her chin against his forehead as he started to kiss her neck. “Oh, Gerard, please…" He began to make a steady beckoning motion with his forefinger as she rocked harder and harder against it, and she gasped again, her body arching against his. “Oh, Gerard... I... Gerard... oh God, Gerard... oh God, oh, oh, OH, OH GERARD-“ She threw her head back and screamed, her whole body shaking as she came. ‘"Oh Gerard... oh, Gerard…" She trailed off, breathing heavily, and laid her forehead against his shoulder. “Oh, Gerard…"  
He smiled, slid his hand out from inside her underwear and brushed his fingertips slowly up her body to her chin, tilting her face up towards his and kissing her forehead. “Dana, Dana, Dana…’  
She murmured something under her breath and then slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him, holding the palm of her hand against the side of his face and stroking his cheek with her thumb. “Oh Gerard… why can’t you just find me and ravish me slowly and lovingly all day, every day?”  
He smiled again, wrapped both his arms around her back and kissed her. “Because I am a stupid, stupid man…"  
Dana laughed softly and stroked the side of his face. “Well…” She pulled him in closer and kissed him, and he felt her smile against his lips. “Are you going to start making it up to me?”  
Gerard grinned. “Oh, hell yes…”  
He began to kiss her again, kissing her neck and throat, working his way down her abdomen, pausing and holding his lips against her skin, feeling it rise and fall as she breathed. He looked up at her face and smiled, kissing every inch of skin as he worked his way downward, flicking his tongue into her navel, and then he stopped. “Um… Dana? Could you scoot back up the pillows just a little bit? The grab bar by the door is stabbing me in the ass.” He silently cringed. Romantically put, idiot.  
Dana laughed and shuffled backwards, her head propped up on the pillows. “Better?”  
He smiled softly. “Much.” He kept kissing her, moving down and flicking the hemline of her panties with his tongue, carefully spreading her legs and kissing her inner thighs. Dana let out a strangled cry, gasping as she felt him beginning to kiss her through her underwear. “Oh, Gerard, now, please…"  
He smiled patiently and ignored her, still stroking her through the thin silk with his thumb as he brushed his mouth and tongue against her. She reached down to pull off her underwear herself and he grabbed her hand away and clasped it tightly in his. She let out a cry of frustration. “Gerard, please, PLEASE!”  
He looked up at her, clearly trying not to laugh. “You told me to do this slowly…”  
Dana's eyes narrowed. “Oh, you bastard, you absolute bastard, don't you know what you're DOING to me?”  
Gerard smiled. “Well, that's nice.” He leaned down and kissed her between her legs again, grinning up at her. “You just got yourself another five minutes of this… and yes, I know EXACTLY what I’m doing to you…”  
“Gerard, please... I-“ She let out a choked gasp as he began to lick and stroke her through her underwear again, her hands clawing at the worn cotton of the sheets. “Oh GOD, Gerard…"  
He smiled and began to brush his fingers around the elastic at the top of her thighs, slipping his fingertips beneath the fabric as he kept stroking and licking her, feeling her begin to push herself against his face as her back arched.  
Dana bit down hard on her lip. I am not going to come when he hasn't even taken off my underwear yet, I am not going to come, I'm not... She bit down harder, feeling her legs start to shake. Oh God, I think I am... She felt him start to rub back and forth with his thumb and gasped, thrusting her hips up into the air. “Oh God, GERARD…" Her hands clenched into fists and her body tensed, a hot rush beginning to radiate upwards and pleasure overcoming her body. “Oh Gerard, oh please, Gerard, I... oh God, I…" Gerard smiled and she felt him push his tongue hard against her, and the pleasure intensified. “Oh Gerard, please, PLEASE, oh God, oh God, OH GOD-“  
Her body arched up off the bed and she screamed his name, feeling her body shudder as she came, and then she was lying flat on her back on the bed again, her legs untidily sprawled out and her face red and flushed as she gasped for breath. “Oh God, Gerard…"  
Gerard smiled at her and stroked the side of her face as he sat up and leaned over her again, bending down to kiss her. “Was that OK?”  
Dana blinked and nodded, feeling him finally pushing her underwear down to her ankles and kicking them off onto the floor. He crawled back on top of her and hugged her tight, pushing off his pyjama bottoms and kissing her passionately. “I’ll finish making it up to you now, if that’s OK?”  
“Oh… oh yes…” Dana nodded her head frantically, her hands grabbing his hair and pulling him down to kiss her as he finally pushed inside of her. “Oh, Gerard, Gerard, you feel so good, oh, I love you…”  
“I love you too…” Gerard was kissing her more and more passionately, his hands in her hair. “Oh, Dana, you feel amazing, you always feel amazing, oh God, I love you, I love you so much…”  
Dana felt a twinge of guilt, remembering her dinner with Prince Iero, what he had offered her, how a part of her had considered it, how she still hadn’t turned him down, even though Gerard could offer her nothing, because she didn’t love Prince Iero. She loved Gerard. But… somehow she still felt as if she had betrayed Gerard. She smiled at him and cradled the sides of his face in her hands, kissing him gently over and over again. “I love you, Gerard. I love you more than anyone or anything in this world.” Suddenly she felt tears running down her face. “I love you so much…” She began to sob. “So, so much, I can’t even describe, I’m so sorry, I love you, I love you, oh, I love you so so much…”  
“Hey, Dana, hey…” Gerard kissed the tears off her cheeks and laid his forehead on hers, stroking her face, unsure if a woman crying during sex was a great endorsement of his sexual prowess. “Dana, I love you. I don’t know what you’re sorry for, but it doesn’t matter. I’m yours. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” He smiled at her and stroked her hair, kissing her deeply. “I love you. It’s OK. Everything’s OK.”  
“I love you so much…”Dana buried her head in the side of his neck, breathing in the scent of his hair and his skin, running her hands over his body and then wrapping her arms around him and pulling him in as close to her as she possibly could, savouring the first waves of pleasure starting to beat through her body. “Oh Gerard, oh that feels so good…”  
“Oh Dana, all I ever want is for you to feel good…” He kissed her passionately, his hands in her hair. “Let me make you feel good.”  
“Mmmm, I know, I will…” She kept kissing him, lifting her hips as more and more jolts of pleasure spread through her body. “You taste so good, Gerard, I just want you to make love to me all day…”  
“Oh God, that sounds like fun…” Gerard was breathing hard, his breath in her mouth as she kissed him frantically. “Oh Dana… Dana, you feel so good, oh my God, this feels amazing…”  
“It does, it does…” Dana began to kiss his chest, stroking his back. “I love you so much…”  
“I love you too…” Gerard hugged her tightly, his face in her hair. “You’re my life, Dana.”  
“I am?” Dana looked up at him, her face flushed and her breathing heavy, and he smiled and kissed her.  
“Yes.” He smiled and stroked her face. “You are.”  
“Oh Gerard…” Dana could barely breathe, the pleasure beginning to overwhelm her. “Oh Gerard, you’re my life too, you are, oh God, oh God…” Her body was starting to tremble. “Oh, that’s so good, right there, Gerard, right there…”  
“Oh Jesus, Dana…” Gerard could feel his legs starting to shake and swore to himself. “Oh Dana, that feels fantastic, you always feel fantastic…”  
“Oh Gerard, Gerard, you feel so good, I’m so close, please, oh God, Gerard…” Dana bit her lip, her whole body shaking as she clung to him.  
“Oh Christ, me too, me too…” Gerard could feel her nails scraping deep into his back as he cradled the sides of her face in his hands, looking into her eyes. “Oh, Dana…”  
“Oh Gerard, oh God, oh Gerard, oh, oh, oh Gerard, oh, OH, OH-“ Dana’s body pressed into Gerard’s as she came, her head arching back into the pillows and her hips pushing hard against his as she breathed his name over and over and over. A few seconds later Gerard followed her, screaming her name and kissing her passionately as he fell exhausted on top of her, holding her close and breathing her name into her ear.  
“Oh Gerard, oh Gerard, oh Gerard, I love you, I do…” Dana ran her hands up and down his body, tracing her fingertips across his skin. “That was amazing, oh God, that was so amazing…”  
“Oh, it was, it was…” Gerard kissed her gently. “You’re right, why DON’T I just find you and ravish you slowly and lovingly all day every day?”  
“Because you’re a stupid, stupid man.” Dana smiled softly and kissed him. “But you’re MY stupid, stupid man.”


	5. 5

19 July 1956

“Mmmm…” Dana woke up early the next morning, Gerard kissing her bare shoulder as she snuggled under the blankets. “You’re up early…”  
“In more than one sense of the word…” She felt Gerard grin against her skin as he kissed her, and then his mouth was on hers and he was kissing her passionately, his hands on the sides of her face and his thumbs stroking her cheeks. “Dana, this is just proof that you get more beautiful every day…”   
She laughed. “Smooth talker.”  
“Oh, yes…” He kept kissing her, his hand sliding excruciatingly slowly down her back, and she felt a tingle of anticipation.  
“Gerard, that feels good…” She began squirming with anticipation. “Tell me, tell me how I feel…”  
“Oh your skin is so soft and smooth…” Gerard started to kiss the side of her neck. “I want to run my hands all over it, touch every inch of it, kiss every inch of you… I want to press myself so close to your body I can’t even breathe…”  
“That sounds so good…” Dana pulled him on top of her and he slid his hand down her abdomen and then between her legs, expertly starting to touch her. “Gerard, that feels fantastic, keep doing that, keep on doing that…”  
“Oh, I will…” Gerard begin to kiss her breasts, her body thrusting upwards beneath him. “Your skin tastes so good, Dana…”  
“Oh, not as good as you…” Dana buried her face in his hair and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight as she breathed in the scent of his hair. “That feels so good, Gerard…”  
He leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Tell me how it feels.”  
Dana took a deep breath. “It… it’s like a feeling of warmth, of pleasure, it’s building where… oh God… where you’re touching me…” She sucked in a gasp of air. “It keeps growing and growing, it’s getting stronger and stronger, it… it…” She started breathing hard. “It feels like waves, like pulses, like my… my heart beating, I feel happy, I feel happy all over, it’s like euphoria…”  
“Mmmm…” Gerard kissed her passionately, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. “Oh, Dana, Dana, I love you, keep talking…”  
“I feel it getting hotter and hotter, pulsing stronger and… oh… OH, Gerard, I feel it pulsing stronger, oh, I love you, I love you, kiss me, kiss me…”  
He smiled, leaned down and kissed her hard, his tongue moving deep inside her mouth as she thrust her hips upwards. “Does this feel good?”  
“Yes, Gerard, yes…” Dana nodded frantically, crying out as he pushed a finger inside her. “Gerard that feels… that feels intense, it’s like… oh God, the feelings are radiating off it, gripping it, it’s like-“ He pushed another finger inside her and she screamed, gasping for breath and clenching her hands into fists.  
Gerard kissed her, hugging her close. “How does that feel?”  
Dana’s eyes were wide. “Oh Gerard, it’s, it’s so intense, it’s a deep feeling of just contractions of pleasure radiating up through my body, my… my whole body… it’s filling with these… oh God, those waves of deep, deep pleasure…” Dana gasped for breath, barely able to breathe. “I just want to press myself as hard… as hard as I can against them, thrust… thrust myself against them, all I can think about is how GOOD this feels, oh Christ…”  
Gerard begin to move his fingers faster and kissed her ear as she screamed. “How good does it feel?”  
“Oh, oh, oh, Gerard, it feels… it feels…” Dana shook his head, her mouth wide as she gasped for breath. “It feels incredible, it feels… my whole body is…” Her body started to shake violently and she clawed her hands across his back. “I… oh, it’s like… it’s like my whole body is… is singing, oh Christ, oh God… oh God, Gerard, Gerard, Gerard…” Her body began to arch, her head pressing back into the pillows. “So good, so good, oh, oh, oh God, oh, oh, OH, OH, OH JESUS-“ Dana’s body arched and she screamed as she came, her whole body contracting and shaking as she thrust up her hips. Gerard leaned down and kissed her passionately, cradling the sides of her face as she collapsed exhausted onto the bed, breathing hard into his mouth. “Gerard… oh Jesus… I love you, Gerard…”  
He smiled and kissed her softly, slowly pushing inside her. “I love you too, Dana. I love you more than anything in the world.”  
“That feels good…” Dana began to lift her hips, hugging him close as he stroked her face. “I love it when we’re together, Gerard, I love it when we make love, you always feel so good, you make me feel so good…”  
“You make me feel good too, Dana.” Gerard smiled and started to kiss her gently, over and over and over. “Oh, I love you, I love you, I love you…” He rested his forehead against hers and kissed her again, feeling her breathing softly into his mouth.  
Dana could feel the first sense of warmth building, pleasure spreading upwards as he moved gently inside her. “Mmmmm, Gerard, Gerard, Gerard… this feels wonderful…”  
“It does, it does…” He kissed her again, pressing his body against hers. “Oh God, Dana, no one has ever felt as good as you do, you’re so wonderful…”  
“Gerard…” The waves of pleasure were growing stronger and more intense. “Gerard, Gerard, Gerard…”  
He smiled and kissed her ear. “I love hearing you say my name.”  
Dana laughed quietly and pulled his face into her shoulder, her teeth snagging on his earlobe. “Gerard…”  
“Oh Jesus, Dana, that was one of the sexiest things a woman has ever done…” Gerard shook his head, breathing heavily, kissing her neck and shoulders. “Oh, Dana, Dana, Dana…”  
“Mmmmm…” Dana started pushing hard into Gerard’s hips, crying out as intense jolts of pleasure shot through her. “Oh, oh, oh, oh…”   
Gerard smiled as he kissed her chest. “Does that feel good?”  
“Oh, oh yes it does, oh kiss me…” Gerard mouth was back on hers and Dana kissed him breathlessly, clinging to his back.  
“Dana, oh… oh Dana, oh Dana, oh Dana…” Gerard pressed his body against hers, his hands in her hair, stroking her face. “Dana, oh… oh, I love you so much…” He could feel his legs start to tremble and cursed to himself. Hold on, Gerard, hold on, you cannot come this soon…  
“Gerard…” Dana pulled him down and kissed him passionately, her tongue deep in his mouth.  
“Oh Dana, oh, you taste so good…” Gerard kept kissing her, his hands clutching at her hair. “Oh, Dana, Dana, Dana…”  
“Oh God, Gerard, oh…” Dana’s hands clenched into fists, scratching deep grooves into Gerard’s back as she hugged him close, pushing up against him. “Oh Lord, oh, oh Gerard, Gerard, Gerard…”  
“Dana, you feel so GOOD!” Gerard buried his face in the side of her neck, breathing in the scent of her skin. “Oh God, oh good God, oh yes, oh Dana…”  
“Oh…” Dana’s eyes were wide open and unfocused, the pleasure overwhelming her. “Oh… oh Gerard, Gerard, this is so good, oh, oh, oh, OH, OH-“  
Dana came hard against Gerard’s hips, the force of her orgasm pushing him over the edge with a loud curse as she screamed his name, falling exhausted onto the mattress. Gerard gasped and fell on his back beside her, trying to catch his breath. “Oh Dana, oh Dana… that was amazing…”  
Dana turned her head and looked at him, smiling breathlessly. “Oh, it was, it was fantastic, it’s always fantastic with you…”  
Gerard smiled, pulling her in close and wrapping his arms around her. “Dana… oh Dana… oh, you are so special…  
“Gerard, Gerard, Gerard…” Dana kissed him passionately. “Oh, Gerard, I love you…”  
Gerard smiled and kissed her. “I love you too.”  
“Gerard… do you ever think about the future?” Dana rested her head on his chest, tracing her finger tips across his skin, both of them tucked under the cotton sheets and wool blanket of his berth.  
“Not really.” Gerard shrugged, his arms still wrapped around her. “I mean, I love working the boats, they’re prestigious, I get to travel, see the world, meet amazing girls…” He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead. “One day I’ll settle down, maybe Italy, maybe America, try and get a job at a high-class restaurant, get married, raise a couple dozen kids…”  
Dana bit her lip and shoved him away. “So you DO find yourself some naive rich girl on every voyage, feed her some line, get her back to your cabin-“ She swiped tears away impatiently. “”’I love you, Dana’, ‘all I want is you, Dana’, ‘you’re my life, Dana’…” She started to cry. “Do you even love me, or was that more crap? You just want my money, right? You pick out some girl standing alone and target her?”  
Gerard looked horrified. “No, Dana, no, I swear you’re the first, I was as shocked as you were…” He pulled her in and kissed her, wiping the tears off her cheeks with her thumbs. “Ask anyone, I don’t go near the passengers, NEVER, I just… I just…” He looked at her and pulled her close, stroking her hair. “I saw you, and I loved you. Your eyes, your hair, the turn of your shoulders, every curve, every inch of you…” He smiled at her. “And then I heard you speak, I saw your kindness, your convictions, your courage, your principles, your beliefs, and… and I knew you were perfect. I knew that you were the only one for me, and… and that you were all I had ever wanted.”  
Dana stared at him. “So where do I fit into that future of yours?” Gerard hesitated, and Dana nodded. “There’s my answer.” She threw back the covers of the bed and tried to get up, feeling disgusted at what they had just done, and Gerard grabbed her arm. “Gerard, let go of me!”  
“Dana-” She tried to yank her arm away and he tightened his grip. “Dana, please-” She slapped him hard across the face and Gerard swore and grabbed his cheek, but didn’t let go of her. “Dana. DANA! LISTEN TO ME!” She finally stopped struggling and he looked at her gently, wincing as his cheek started to turn a dark red. “YOU are my future. It’s a given. I’m leaving Andrea Doria with you when we dock in New York. I want us to travel the world TOGETHER.”  
“And-“ Dana swallowed. “And when you settle down-“  
“It will be with you.” Gerard stroked her face and Dana hesitated, and then lay back down, pulling the covers back over them. “Whether it’s in Italy or America…” He kissed her gently, hugging her close. “When I settle down, I want it to be with you.”  
Dana smiled and laid her head back on his chest, snuggling up to him and stroking his bare chest, trying to push away a niggling sense of doubt. “You know, I’ve always loved Florence.”  
Gerard kissed the top of her head and tightened his arms around her back. “Then Florence it will be.”

Dana crept back to her cabin a few hours later, only to find her mother waiting outside. Shit. “Dana d’Anjou. You weren’t at breakfast, you haven’t been in your cabin, and you’re still in your eveningwear.” She crossed her arms. “Explain yourself.”  
“Uh…” Dana didn’t think that ‘I was in bed with the pianist’ would cut it. “I was…” Suddenly inspiration struck. “I was with Prince Iero!” She opened her cabin door and grabbed the invitation. “See? He invited me for a white tie dinner, and we got talking about music and art and travel, and… time got away from us.” She shrugged apologetically. “I’m sorry, Mother.”  
“The 14th Prince of Biscari?!” Her mother was running her hands over the invitation as if to reassure herself that it was really there. “Oh, Dana, this is incredible…”  
“Yes. He… he made me an offer that is very difficult to turn down. Honestly… I haven’t yet.” Dana bit her lip. “I’m… I’m not sure what to do. I’m… not sure what I want more.”  
“You take it, of course! He’s the Prince of Biscari!” Her mother was beside herself. “Now get some sleep, Dana, you must be exhausted…” She fixed her with a look. “But don’t go giving it away. No man is going to buy the cow if he can get the milk for free.”  
Ew. Dana had to restrain herself from making a face as she opened the door of her cabin, feeling a frisson of excitement at the thought of seeing Gerard again in a few hours. At least he was different… Suddenly her stomach turned. At least, she thought he was.


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Shona, who helped proofread my way through a fog of morphine.

18 July 1956

The Prince of Biscari… The Prince of Biscari… Dana bit her lip, lying on her bed in her royal blue flared evening dinner dress. She shifted slightly, trying to stop the sequin overlay and dozens of petticoats itching her. There’s so many things I could do… I could help people, change a kingdom’s outlook forever, have the security of knowing we had a future, but… She covered her eyes. But I don’t love him…  
She thought about it. He is quite handsome, he has long dark hair, pale skin, big dark eyes… maybe I could learn to love him? Is it even possible to learn to love someone? Hell, can you even trust that love will last forever… or that someone is telling the truth when they say that they’ll love you forever? How do they know it’s true… or that they really love you at all?  
Objectively, she knew Prince Biscari was the right choice. He offered her security, philanthropy, the ability to practice her beliefs and her philosophies and her passions… she could change the world. Her children could change the world. Her son would be the new Prince, would have the power to change the kingdom’s laws and policies to protect the poor and needy forever. More selfishly, she would be able to travel the world on state visits, see places she had never even dreamed of, attend banquets and meet state leaders and dignitaries. She would have access to a 60ft yacht and a private jet and seven foreign mansions. Her children would attend the finest schools and universities, have a whole world of opportunities opened up to them. They could have everything. They would never know how it was to have nothing.  
But… she chewed on her lip again. She didn’t love him. She liked him well enough. He had been honest with her, and he was kind, and he was generous. He was open about wishing to be a better person, and she liked that. It was rare to find someone who would admit their failings to someone they hoped to marry, and for someone to be willing to make the effort to improve themselves was just as rare. She thought of his dark brown eyes, the soft skin of his palms, the firmness of his hug as he bid her farewell, and suddenly realised that the idea of sleeping with him was not exactly repulsive. Sure, it wouldn’t be making love as it was when she was with Gerard, it would just be sex, but it was a short hop from that to love, right? Right? At the very least she could live out her days with someone whose company she enjoyed, happily conceiving however many children she wanted… or, at least until she produced a baby boy.  
But… she loved Gerard. She adored Gerard. She loved him more than anyone or anything in the world, more than she had ever loved anyone in her life. She felt as if she would love him forever, he said he would love her forever, but… what if they were wrong? The prince was nice, but he was ultimately predictable. Gerard was more like a firecracker, and that was what made him so attractive, so passionate, so sexy… but also very, very unpredictable. Were a few years of mindless passion and the possibility of a lifetime of love also worth a lifetime of uncertainty? What happened if he went out one day and never came back?  
No. He’d cried and begged her to believe hIM when he told her how strongly he felt about her. That’s not the kind of feeling that just fades away… but what happened if SHE woke up one morning and realised she was married to a penniless drifter with no ambition and no prospects? No, no, she’d love him forever, she had to love him forever…right?  
But… if her family disowned her, she and her children would have nothing. She would have to raise them in the poverty she tried she hard to eradicate now that she was still wealthy, but all that could go away at the snap of a finger… and so could Gerard. Who’s to say he’d stick around if the money was gone?  
There was a difference between loving the idea of someone and loving who they really were, and… who WAS Gerard? Was the Gerard she saw just a part he played to each of his marks? Was she the first passenger he had seduced? Was he honestly planning on leaving the Andrea Doria with her, or was he just going to head straight back across the Atlantic playing his piano and looking for another mark? He said he never really thought about the future, so how could he possibly say for sure that she would fit into it? His first description had been vague and hadn’t mentioned her once. It was only when she tried to get up and leave that he suddenly came up with a brand new version including her, failing to mention that to travel the world WITH her would require substantial amounts of money… her family’s money. Her money.  
He’d definitely thought about her money, whether he said so or not. Pianists didn’t get to bring wives or girlfriends… one or both of them would have to be paying passengers. And she was guessing on his planning on it being both. The alternative would be his leaving her alone with their kids for months at a time while he worked on the ships, picking up women and living the life of a single man, and… and… oh God. Her stomach turned over. Oh God, what if he had a wife and kids waiting at home for him and SHE was one of those women? No. No, that wasn’t possible. She’d know, and more to the point, Mikey would have told her. Mikey, at least, was definitely a good guy. OK. She knew how to sort this out.

Dana got off the elevator on the deck Gerard’s cabin was on and walked unerringly through the winding corridors to his cabin, yanking open the door to find Mikey fast asleep and Gerard wearing his suit with the top button undone, reading a comic book. “Gerard, I want you.” Dana kicked the door shut behind her, yanked down the zip of her dress and let it fall to her ankles, standing in front of him in her brassiere and panties.  
“Jesus Christ-“ Gerard’s mouth fell open and he dropped his comic book, sitting bolt upright on his bed. “Mikey! MIKEY! Wake up and get out!”  
“What?” Mikey yawned and screwed up his eyes, reaching blindly for his glasses. “I didn’t sleep last night, you two were having sex all- WHOA!” He caught sight of Dana. “Jesus Christ!”  
“Mikey! Out, or I swear we will do this in front of you!” Gerard pointed at the door and hurled his bow tie at him.. “Tie this on the handle on your way out and GO!”  
Mikey grumbled his way out of bed, cursing his brother as he slammed the door behind him.  
“Oh Dana…” Gerard reached out for her, running his hands across her skin. “You look so-“  
“Gerard, I don’t want to make love. Not yet. First, I want you to fuck me, and to fuck me hard.” Dana smiled sweetly as Gerard choked. “And THEN I want you to make love to me… gently, slowly, lovingly…” She leaned in and kissed him, her hand on his. “And I want you to look into my eyes the entire time.”  
Gerard’s eyes widened. “Oh God, that sounds like fun…” He started to scramble out of his suit, tossing clothing blindly at the floor as he stared at Dana unhooking her brassiere and slowly stepping out of her panties. “Oh God, Dana…” He couldn’t take his eyes off her. “Dana, you’re so beautiful…”  
She smiled despite herself. “Come on now, Gerard…” She climbed into the bed and kissed him hard, wrapping her arms around his back and pulling him on top of her. “Fuck me, Gerard, fuck me until I scream…”  
Gerard blinked. Was this the same girl he’d taken to bed this morning? “I… I…” He sighed. “Forgive me, Dana, but I don’t know if I can do this.”  
“What? Sex?” Dana raised her eyebrows. “Because I can give you a minute-“  
“NO, I mean, no, not that…” Gerard blushed bright red. “I can’t… I can’t treat you like any other girl, because you’re not any other girl. You’re you. I can’t just listen to you scream to fuck you harder, because… because… because I’m not. I mean, I’m not fucking you, I’m… I’m…” He shrugged. “It’s corny as shit, but I really am just making love to you.”  
Dana stared at him. “Really?”  
Gerard was still blushing, raking his hand through his hair. “Yeah. You’re… you’re the love of my life.”  
Dana opened her mouth, paused, and then pulled him in and kissed him passionately, tightening his arms around him and pressing every inch of her body against his. “You’re the love of my life too.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “So, are you going to make love to me?”  
Gerard grinned. “Oh, yes…”  
Dana whispered in his ear. “Then kiss me, Gerard kiss me…”  
“Now THAT I can do…”He started to kiss her gently. “Normally, I’d start by slowly removing your clothes, but…” He kissed her ear. “But instead I’m just going to kiss you all over…” He paused. “Am I allowed to break eye contact for this part?” He winked and nodded downwards. “I promise you it’ll be worth it…”  
“I suppose I can allow that…” Dana felt a frisson of excitement, a thrill of pleasure radiating through her from anticipation alone. “Oh, that sounds wonderful…” She felt him start to kiss down the side of her neck and smiled, arching her head back as he kissed her, feeling him flick his tongue into the hollow at the base of her throat. “Gerard, that feels GOOD…”  
“You feel good.” Dana felt him smile against her skin as he kissed the full length of her collarbone, kissing each shoulder. “Your skin is so beautiful, Dana…”  
Dana smiled, leaned down, and kissed the side of his head. “It’s all the devil worship my family does.”  
Gerard snorted with laughter. “I knew it.” He started to kiss her breasts, kissing every inch of her abdomen. “Dana, your skin tastes so good…”  
“Mmm, I love you…” The warm pleasurable feeling was starting to bloom in anticipation, and Dana started to lift her hips as he flicked his tongue into her navel. “Oh, Gerard…”  
He smiled up at her and kept kissing downwards, feeling Dana’s body arch as he gently spread her legs and started to kiss up and down her inner thighs.  
“Oh… oh Gerard… oh, that feels so good…” Dana could feel her breath hitching and catching. “Oh, oh, don’t stop, don’t stop…”  
“Mmmm, I won’t…” Gerard started to kiss her between her legs, his tongue inside her as she cried out. “Dana, you taste so, so good…”  
“Oh Gerard, I…” She felt him start to suck gently on her and almost choked, electric jolts of pleasure exploding through every nerve. “Oh GOD, Gerard!”  
Gerard grinned. “Mmm, does that feel good?”  
“Good? It feels FANTASTIC!” Dana was breathing hard, the warm waves of pleasure spreading and her body thrusting upwards. Gerard started to slip his fingers in and out of her and she screamed, her entire body arching off the bed. “Oh Gerard, oh God, oh God…”  
Gerard smiled and kept kissing and stroking and licking, starting to rub slowly back and forth with his thumb.  
“Gerard…” Dana bit down hard on her lip, the pleasure spreading upwards and through her body. “Oh my God, harder, harder…”  
He looked up at her. “Harder?”  
“Yes, yes, harder, oh…” Dana was flushed and sweating heavily, waves of pleasure pulsing through her faster and faster. “Oh, Gerard, that feels so good…”  
“Oh it does, it does…” Gerard could feel her start to push up against his face and began to kiss her harder, pushing two fingers inside of her and listening to her scream as she thrust herself up and down on them, forcing pleasurable contractions upwards, the sensation radiating through her entire body and almost overpowering her. He began to move his fingers faster, kissing and licking, and felt Dana’s body start to shake. “Good?”  
“Oh Gerard, oh, it’s so good, oh yes, oh God, oh yes, oh yes, oh…” He started to lick and stroke faster and she screamed, the sensation of pleasure on the edge of overcoming her. “Oh Jesus, oh Christ, oh, oh, oh…” Dana could feel her body start to arch. “Oh Gerard, oh, oh, oh oh oh OH OH GERARD OH-“  
Dana came hard against Gerard’s face, her body convulsing violently, and finally sprawled untidily onto the bed, breathing his name over and over and barely able to move.  
“Dana…” Gerard crawled back up the bed and she weakly reached up and pulled his body down, pressing it against her own. “Oh, oh, Dana…”  
“Gerard… that was amazing.” Dana pulled him in and kissed him, her hands in his hair.  
“It was.” Gerard started to kiss the side of her neck. “Dana, you are so wonderful…” Suddenly his mouth was on hers, kissing her passionately. “So, so wonderful…”  
“Mmmm, I love you…” Dana smiled and kissed him, stroking his face.  
“Mmmmmmm, I love you more.” Gerard grinned and kissed the tip of her nose.  
“Seriously.” Dana looked carefully into his eyes. “I love you, Gerard. Forever.”  
“I love you too, Dana.” He kissed her gently, looking back into her eyes. “Forever.”  
“You know…” Dana looked up at him, tilting her head and breaking into a smile. “I believe you.”  
Gerard affected a look of hurt. “You didn’t before?”  
Dana smiled. “No, I did.” She kissed him. “I just didn’t know it.” She pulled him in close and kissed him passionately. “I love you so, so much, and I would take one day of loving you over a hundred years without.”  
Gerard smiled and kissed her. “So would I.”  
“Mmm, so what are you going to do next?” Dana was kissing him harder. “I have some ideas…”  
“Oh, you do…” Gerard smiled and wrapped his arms around her, then stopped. “Wait one second.” He jumped up and grabbed a bundle of clothes from Mikey’s bed. “Mikey?” Gerard stuck his head out of their door.  
Mikey scrambled to his feet. “Thank God, I hate the floor, and I HATE listening to you get laid-“  
“You’re going to need to cover me tonight. Piano.” Gerard threw Mikey’s suit and bow tie at him. “Have fun… although it’ll probably be nowhere near as much fun as I’ll be having.” He slammed the door with a grin and locked it to a barrage of curses from the other side. “Now, where were we…”  
Dana started to kiss the side of his neck and pulled him back to the bed. “You were going to make gentle, slow, loving, love to me while looking into my eyes the entire time…”  
“Oh yes, I was…” Gerard leaned down and kissed her passionately, pulling her close as he pushed slowly inside of her. “Dana, you feel really, really good…”  
“Oh, so do you…” Dana smiled and looked into his eyes, tightening her arms around his back. “I love you so much.”  
“I love you too.” Gerard leaned in and kissed her passionately, his hands on the sides of her face and his thumbs stroking her cheeks. “More than I have ever loved anyone or anything.”  
“I feel the same way.” Dana smiled up at him, cradling his face in her hands. “I’m so sorry I didn’t see it sooner.” Oh crap, she was going to cry again. “I’m…” She could feel tears starting to run down her face again. Shit. Shit. “Gerard, I swear this is nothing personal-“  
He laughed softly. “I know. I’m starting to take it as a compliment.” He kissed the tears off her cheeks. “Anyway, I think you did see it, that you saw it before I did… you just didn’t know you did.”  
Dana smiled. “You know me too well.”  
Gerard kissed her and stroked her face. “I just love you too much.”  
Dana grabbed his hair and pulled him down to hold his forehead against hers, their eyes inches apart and their lips brushing together as he moved. “Gerard…”  
“Dana…” He kissed her gently. “You’re the love of my life.”  
She smiled. “And you’re the love of mine.” She pressed her hand against the side of his face, lifting her hips as the familiar waves of pleasure intensified. “I feel so close to you right now…”  
“I know, I love feeling this close to you…” Gerard kissed her softly, over and over and over. “God, Dana, you feel wonderful…”  
“Oh, so do you, you feel great, you feel… you feel…” Dana shook her head. “You feel like heaven…”  
“Now who’s the smooth talker…” Gerard grinned and Dana laughed, then gasped as a fresh jolt of pleasure shot through her.  
“Oh, Gerard, oh God, oh, that feels so, so GOOD, oh…” Dana pressed her forehead harder against his, the sensations of pleasure pushing deeper and deeper inside her. “That’s wonderful, oh, Gerard, you are so GOOD at this!”  
“Mmmm, so are you…” Gerard grinned and kissed her, listening to her breathing faster and faster.  
“I don’t deserve you, Gerard.” Dana bit her lip, savouring his breath on her face. “You’re… you’re wonderful.”  
Shit. Gerard felt himself tearing up.”Well, apparently now it’s my turn to cry…” He wiped his eyes and Dana laughed softly and kissed him, wrapping her arms tightly around his back. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.” Gerard leaned down and kissed her passionately, pushing himself against her body and holding the sides of her face in his hands. “I love you so, so much…”  
“Oh… oh, Gerard, that feels so good…” The sensations of pleasure had filled her entire body and Dana could feel herself start to tremble. “You… you always feel so good, you do…” She started to kiss him harder and harder. “Oh Gerard…”  
“Tell me you’re close, Dana, please…” Gerard was fighting to keep control of himself as Dana pushed against his hips.  
“I am, I am…” Dana’s body had started to shake. “Gerard… Gerard, oh Gerard, oh that’s so good…” She felt her back start to arch. “Oh Gerard, oh, oh, OH GERARD-“ Dana screamed and threw her body violently upwards against him as she came, pushing Gerard over the edge himself. She heard him crying out her name and then he was lying on the bed beside her, covering her face with kisses and wrapping his arms around her.  
“Dana, Dana, Dana…” Gerard hugged her close, stroking her hair and wrapping his arm around her back as she laid her head on his chest. “Dana, you’re… you’re perfect.” He kissed her forehead. “I love you so much.”  
Dana smiled up at him and snuggled into his chest. “I love you too.”  
Gerard grinned.”You know what we should do later?”  
Dana looked up at him and he kissed her again. “What should we do later?”  
He hugged her tighter as she snuggled in close. “Go and see my dumbass kid brother murder the piano.”

As soon as they walked into the first class social saloon Mikey saw them and fixed Gerard with a death glare. Dana held up her hand apologetically and he smiled and nodded, then fixed the full force of evil back on his older brother.  
“I’m going to go have a word with the pianist. Be right back.” Gerard took a step forward and Dana grabbed his arm. “What?”  
“Gerard, Mikey looks like he wants to kill you.”  
Gerard shrugged. “He probably does.”  
Dana stared at him. “And?!”  
Gerard grinned. “And, I’ll be right back.”  
Gerard went over to his brother, who had a face like thunder. They had a short, furious hissed argument until Gerard gestured subtly at Dana, and, after more bickering, slipped him twenty dollars. The Mozart Mikey was playing promptly ceased and he started to play the Moonlight Sonata. Dana smiled, holding her body against Gerard’s as he took her hand in his and pressed his other hand against the small of my back, her hand on his shoulder.  
“I can’t believe we’ve never danced together…” Dana rested her head on his chest.  
“I know.” He held his face against the side of her head, kissing her ear and whispering “I love you.”  
Dana smiled up at him and mouthed “I love you too.”  
Gerard grinned and bent his head forward, holding his cheek against her hair as she held her head against his chest.  
“I love this song,” murmured Dana, snuggling into his body.  
“I know. It’s why I just slipped my irate baby brother a twenty to play it.” Gerard smiled. “You told me the first night we met… right after I first kissed you.”  
Dana blushed. “And then…”  
Gerard grinned. “Then the piano.”  
“And then you told me you loved me.” She smiled. “You cried when you told me you loved me…”  
Gerard blushed bright red. “Well, you told me you loved me too.”  
Dana kissed his chest. “I did.”  
“Dana D’Anjou.” It was her mother. “This doesn’t look like the Prince of Biscari.”  
Dana’s eyes widened. Shit. Shit Shit Shit. “Uh…”  
“Gerard Caffrey, Duke of Mantua.” Gerard held out his hand to shake. “Now I see how you came to have such a beautiful daughter, Mrs D’Anjou.”  
“Oh, Your Grace…” Dana’s mother blushed bright red. “You are too kind.”  
“I am most sorry if I have overstepped my bounds.” Gerard managed an awkward bow and Dana had to stifle a laugh. “I am a man of great passion, and sometimes…”  
“Oh no, no, not at all.” Her mother was still blushing. “Excuse my interruption, Your Grace. Please, continue.” She gestured to the dancefloor and scuttled off, and Gerard took Dana’s hand and placed his other hand on her back again.  
“That was hilarious…” muttered Dana under her breath. “The Duke of Mantua?”  
“Did I pull it off?” asked Gerard anxiously.  
“With the flattery and the bow? Definitely.” Dana smiled and laid her head on his chest, her hand back on his shoulder. “I love you so, so much.”  
“Even though I’m actually a penniless musician?” Gerard looked at her sadly.  
“Even though you’re actually a penniless musician.” Dana kissed him gently. “I love you, Gerard. Forever.”  
Gerard smiled and stroked her hair. “Forever.”


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for typos and odd sentences. I just switched prescriptions and I don't care for the new one.

21 July 1956

When Dana crept back to her cabin in the middle of the day after another full night and day of passionate lovemaking with Gerard, much to Mikey’s disgust, she found another of those small heraldic envelopes outside her door. Shit. She tore it open, holding her breath.

“His Highness,The 14th Prince of Biscari, requests your presence for black tie luncheon tomorrow (21 July) at 2pm. His valet will arrive at 1.45pm sharp to escort you to his private chambers..

As always, I am glad to be knowing I will see you soon.

Prince Francis, 14th Prince of Biscari

Dana looked at the clock. 1.22pm. Shit. She looked down at herself. A quick steam to remove the wrinkles and a spritz of perfume to cover up the smell of sex and she was good. She quickly changed her dancing shoes into high heels and her dangling diamond earrings for diamond studs to go for subtlety, replacing her amethyst chain with a diamond chain and diamond tennis bracelet, quickly lining her eyes with black. She glanced at the clock again. 1.32pm. She smiled and applied peach-pink lipstick and black mascara, steaming her dress and applying perfume the second before there was a knock at the door. “One second!” She grabbed her bejewelled bag and opened the door. “ Let’s go.”

The valet nodded politely, bowed, and led her through the first class corridors. Suddenly, Dana felt uncomfortable with being there. The corridors seemed too wide, too ornate. She’d seen the corridors below decks and couldn’t see how these people deserved better just because they had more money… except, it occurred to her, SHE was one of these people. If she married the Prince, she would be one of these people forever. Would she be OK with that? Could she deal with always being in first class, knowing the conditions below decks? She bit her lip. She didn’t know. That was the problem.

“Dana! How wonderful to see you again!” The Prince seemed genuinely happy to see her as he bowed, and her heart did a little involuntary jump. “I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so…” He gestured at an enormous spread, blushing furiously. “So I got a bit of everything.”  
Dana’s mouth fell open. “Oh, Prince Biscari-“  
“Dana, how many times must I tell you to call me Francis?” He smiled. “And really, it was no trouble. What would you prefer?”  
Dana blushed. “Well, I must confess that I have always had a weakness for sponge cake.”  
“Then sponge cake it is. Maria!” Francis snapped his fingers and a maid scuttled forward. “Sponge cake for the lady, and a pecan tart for me. Thank you.” He nodded after her as she went to fetch his usual crested plates. “I always bring my own help on these trips. One never knows what the ship will come up with.”  
Dana shifted uncomfortably. “Yes.” Is this what my children will end up like?  
“Please, sit down. Maria will serve us.” He gestured at the couch. “Now, Miss d’Anjou, I hate to push you, but have you thought any further about my offer?”  
“I… have.” Dana bit her lip. “And while I find you very attractive, I don’t know if we-“  
“No better way to find out.” Suddenly Francis’ lips were on hers, and while she had the immediate instinct to shove him away, she caught herself kissing him back. This… wasn’t awful. There was some chemistry. There was a little passion. He had his hands on the sides of her face as he kissed her passionately (the way Gerard did) and he was kissing her neck (the way Gerard did) and then his mouth was back on hers and he was kissing her gently, over and over (the way Gerard did) before kissing her deeply and sliding his hand up her skirt. She slapped his hand away, and he ignored her and pushed his hand further under her skirt. Dana grimaced and shoved him away, and he rolled his eyes, wrapped one arm around her back and smashed his lips hard against hers, grabbing at her chest. Dana gagged and punched him hard in the balls, rolling sideways off the couch and scrambling to her feet.  
“You PIG!” Dana shoved him. “I don’t care where you’re the Prince of, you don’t get to just feel me up!”  
Francis’ face contorted into rage. “God, all you women are the same, I thought you were different, Dana, but you’re such a fucking TEASE!” Before Dana could react he swung at her and punched her hard in the face, knocking her to the ground. “God DAMN you!” He kicked her hard in the ribs and Dana doubled over, retching violently. “You better not be sick on my floor, or you have no idea what I’ll do to you. CESAR!” His valet appeared. “Escort the frigid bitch back to her cabin. That will be all.” He stalked off into his private bedroom and Dana burst into tears as Cesar helped her up.  
“I’m so sorry, Miss,” he said quietly as Dana clutched her eye and sobbed. “I’ll see that a basket of some of the oldest and finest spirits are delivered to your cabin… courtesy of myself, not of that asshole. I noted that you did not care for wine the other evening, but he was too busy climbing up his own arse to notice.” Cesar rolled his eyes and Dana laughed. “Once again, Miss, I am so sorry. I shall liberate the spirits from his collection at my earliest opportunity.” They had reached her cabin. “Should he attempt to make amends, I cannot advise you strongly enough to ignore him. He will never change.” He bowed. “Farewell, Miss d’Anjou. It has been quite wonderful to make your acquaintance.”   
He turned to leave and Dana bit her lip “Cesar?”  
“Yes, Miss d’Anjou?”  
“Would you mind writing any contact details you have down for me? I have a feeling I may soon to be in need of a manservant… to a far, far kinder man.”  
“But of course, Miss d’Anjou.” Cesar wrote down a street address in Harlem Heights. “I hope your kinder man proposes sooner rather than later.”  
Dana blushed bright red. “So do I.”

She waited for Cesar to leave, looked both ways, and sprinted down the corridor to take the elevator to the upper crew deck. The route to Gerard’s cabin was second nature now, and it was only a minute before she was hammering on his door with an urgency she had not expected. Jeez, calm down, Dana, calm down, he’ll think you’re a psycho.  
“Jesus H. Christ, I’m coming, I’m coming…” Gerard opened the door in his boxer shorts, rubbing his eyes, and immediately smiled. “Dana!” He leaned in to kiss her, and then stopped. “Who did that to your eye?”   
Mikey dropped his book and sat bolt upright, his hand over his mouth. “Oh, Dana…”  
Shit. Shit. When she came down here for a hug, she did not think this through. “Oh, it was nothing, just a stupid accident-“  
“Uh huh.” A fire was in Gerard’s eyes. “You know, when I was growing up, my mother had a lot of those accidents. She fell, she walked into doors, she opened cupboards into her face, she tripped… and then, one day, she ‘tripped’… only this time, she didn’t get up.” Gerard swallowed. “We were… we were latchkey kids, and one day I got home from school to find Mikey crying over her body in the kitchen.” Behind him, Dana saw Mikey silently start to cry and she went to sit beside him, blinking in surprise when he wrapped both his arms around her and buried his head in her neck, sobbing quietly. “I was in sixth grade. Because he was only in second grade, Mikey got home three hours earlier than me. He was so young he thought she was sleeping. He spent THREE HOURS trying to wake her up before I got there, all because my father was drunk and she washed his favourite baseball jersey in the middle of a series. Mikey still has night terrors about it.” Gerard gritted his teeth. “A few years later, my father accidentally got electrocuted in that special chair they have up at Sing Sing.” Gerard laughed bitterly.  
“I… I had done a new painting in art class.” Mikey swallowed. “I wanted to show it to her. It was of a fire truck.”  
“What…” Dana swallowed. “And what happened to you and Mikey?”  
Mikey wiped his eyes. “Gerard raised me.” He sat up, and Dana patted his hand reassuringly. “I mean, we spent a couple years in a really nice foster home, but then they had a baby of their own and sent us back. We ran away from our second foster home before they could send us back too, but I was just a kid and needed someone to take care of me. My mother taught Gerard piano, and he was really, REALLY good, so he played in cheap clubs and strip joints with fake papers saying he was 22. He supported me until I graduated high school, and of course he taught ME piano, and then we both started working the ships.”  
“You were just a kid too, Gerard,” said Dana gently. “What about you?”  
“He’s my kid brother. He needed me to take care of him, so I did.” Gerard waved his hand dismissively. “Besides, It was a long time ago. Your eye, though…” He sat down on the bed beside them and looked at it closely, palpating the bruise carefully as she winced. “I’m so sorry, Dana, but I have to check for fractures.” He grimaced. “That son of a bitch. I’m going to hunt him down and kill him. I swear, Dana, tell me who did this or I will beat the crap out of every man on this ship.”  
Dana bit her lip. “The Prince of Biscari. He did it, and… and he felt me up, and he kissed me.”  
“He FORCED himself on you?” Gerard was incandescent with rage. “I’ll kill him. I swear I’ll kill him…” He wrapped his arms around Dana and she began to cry again. “Sssssshhh Dana, come on, it’s OK, it’s OK, I know…”  
“He hit me, Gerard, he kicked me, he called me a tease…”   
“But you’re not, Dana.” Gerard hugged her tighter.  
“Hell, I’LL kill him.” Mikey’s hands were balled into fists. “That fucker.”  
“His manservant Cesar was very apologetic, he was lovely about the whole thing… I actually got his details in case we ever needed one.” Dana watched closely for his reaction.  
“I’m not sure penniless musicians have much use for manservants.” Gerard smiled. “I know what you’re asking me, Dana. No, I have no interest in your money. If your family disown you or disinherit you or find some way to revoke your trust fund, I don’t care. I just want you…” He kissed her gently. “I love you, Dana.”  
Dana wiped her eyes, tears still streaming down her face. “I love you too, Gerard.” He smiled, leaned down and kissed her. “Mikey-“  
“I know, grab the bow tie, get out, tie the bow tie to the doorknob, cover for you on first class piano tonight.” Mikey rolled his eyes, grabbed his suit and the bow tie, and headed for the door.  
“He read my mind.” Gerard smiled, pulled Dana in and kissed her, holding her close. “I love you, Dana. I’ll lie here with you as long as you need before you show me where to find that-“  
Dana put her hand over his mouth. “Can we just make love instead? Because I’m sure he’ll be at the first class saloon tonight… Duke of Mantua.” She grinned.  
“Well, I am a man of great passion…” Gerard burst out laughing and traced his fingertips across her skin, smiling as he felt her shiver.  
“Mmmmm, you know I love it when you do that…” Dana smiled and kissed him, running her hands down his sides.  
“I do…” Gerard began to kiss the side of her neck, slowly unzipping the back of her dress and kissing his way down the back of her spine as he slipped it off. “Does that feel good?”  
“Oh yes, yes it does…” Dana was breathing faster as he slid off her dress, kissing down each leg as he removed her stockings, and then she gasped as he licked her inner thighs. “Kiss me, Gerard, kiss me…”  
Gerard kissed her gently and she pulled him down onto the bed, running her hands over his back. “Is it OK we’re doing this on your brother’s bed?”  
Gerard shrugged and kept kissing her, flicking open the back of her brassiere and kissing her breasts. “God, you taste delicious…”  
“Mmmmm, you too…”. “Oh Gerard, oh Gerard… Gerard, you’re…” Dana smiled and stroked the side of his face, lifting her hips. “You’re amazing.”  
“You’re amazing.” Gerard stroked the side of her face. “Oh, Dana, you feel fantastic…”  
“Mmmm, so do you…” Dana smiled and pulled him down to kiss her, her hands tangled in his hair. “I love you so much.”  
Gerard smiled back and started to kiss down the side of her neck. “I love you too.”  
“Oh, that feels wonderful, Gerard…” Dana arched her neck, smiling as he began to kiss the base of her throat, lifting her hips as he slipped off her silk panties and began to stroke and knead her, moving his fingers skillfully. “Oh Gerard, oh, that feels so good…” Warm waves of pleasure were slowly beginning to build as he touched her, expertly stroking and rubbing and kneading as her breath caught in her throat. “Oh Gerard, oh yes, oh please… She kissed him hard, pressing her body as hard as she could against his. “Oh, that feels so, so, so good…”  
“Oh, Dana, you are so beautiful…” Gerard kissed her passionately, moving his fingers faster and hearing her breath catch. “Is that good?”  
“Oh Gerard, oh yes…” The pleasure was beginning to spread upwards, jolts shooting through her body. “Oh, Gerard… oh, this feels so good…”  
“Mmmm, it does?” Gerard kept kissing her, his hand in her hair, his thumb stroking the side of her neck.  
“Oh, OH yes…” The pleasure was intensifying and spreading through her body. “Yes, it feels wonderful…”  
“Oh Dana…” Gerard started to kiss down the side of her neck, flicking his tongue against her skin. “Oh, you are perfect…”  
“Oh, kiss me, Gerard, kiss me…” Dana tightened her arms around his back and pressed every inch of her body against his. Gerard smiled and kissed her deeply, her breath fast and heavy in his mouth, and then he pushed a finger inside her and she gasped, a fresh rush of pleasure shooting upwards. “Oh Gerard, Gerard, Gerard…”  
“Dana, you feel fantastic…” Gerard was still kissing her, his tongue deep in her mouth and his hand tightening in her hair.  
“Oh Gerard…” Pleasure was rushing through her body faster and faster and Dana could hardly breathe. “Gerard… oh Gerard…” She pulled him in and kissed him hard, her hips thrusting upwards as waves of pleasure began to overcome her. “Gerard… Gerard, oh… oh, Gerard, Gerard, oh God, oh, oh, oh, oh…” She could barely breathe, her entire body shaking. “Oh Gerard, Gerard, oh, oh, oh, OH OH OH!”   
Dana came hard against Gerard’s body, her head thrown back against the pillows and her hips thrusting upwards, and then he was pulling her in close and pushing inside of her, kissing her passionately. “Dana, oh, Dana, I love you…”  
“Oh… oh, Gerard, you feel so good…” Dana stroked the side of his face, starting to lift her hips.   
“Mmmmm, so do you…” Gerard cradled her face in his hands, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs and kissing her gently, over and over and over. “I love you so much, Dana.”  
She smiled in between kisses, the first waves of pleasure starting to beat through her body. “I love you too.”  
“God, you’re beautiful, Dana…” Gerard leaned in and kissed her, running his hands over her body. “Oh, Dana, you have no idea how good you feel…”  
“Gerard, you have no idea how special you are.” Dana kissed him gently, tracing the tips of her fingers down his spine. “The things I learned about you today… the things you lived through… and I…” She stroked his face. “And I never had any idea…”  
“It was a long time ago.” Gerard kept kissing her, his voice barely above a whisper. “I try not to think about the past…” He started to kiss down the side of her neck, and Dana felt her toes curl with pleasure. “I think life is better when you live for the now…”  
“Well, then, ‘Your Grace’…” The corners of Dana’s mouth were twitching as she tried not to laugh. “Where does that leave me?”  
Gerard kissed her softly, holding his hand against the side of her face and looking at her intensely. “The most important thing in my life.”  
Dana smiled and held her hand over his, pushing her hips against him and feeling her breath catch at the intense jolts of pleasure that shot through her body. “I love you…”  
Gerard grinned. “I think you already said that.”  
“Oh, but not enough…” Dana was breathing faster and faster as powerful sensations of pleasure pushed deeper and deeper into her body, radiating outwards. “Gerard, oh, you feel so good, you always feel so good, oh God, oh God…”  
“Oh, Dana…” Gerard was kissing her harder and harder, her body thrusting up beneath his. “Oh, I love you too, I love you so much…  
“Gerard, Gerard, Gerard…” Dana held her forehead against his, looking closely into his eyes and stroking his cheek. “You’re the most important thing in my life too.”  
He smiled and kissed her gently. “I know.”  
“I love that…” Dana smiled softly, her hands sliding down his back. “I love that you know me better than I do…”  
“And I love the feeling of your hands grabbing my ass.” Gerard grinned and kissed her.  
“Oh God, Gerard…” Dana could feel pleasure pulsing through her entire body now, the intensity almost unbearable. “Oh Gerard…”  
“Dana, oh Dana, oh Dana…” Gerard rested her forehead on hers, looking into her eyes as he kissed her deeply. “I love you, oh, I love you…”  
“Gerard…” Dana’s body was starting to shake as the intense waves of pleasure began to overwhelm her. “Oh, oh Gerard, Gerard, oh God, oh that feels so good, harder, harder, oh, oh, oh God…”  
“Oh, oh, oh Dana…” Gerard pressed himself tightly against her entire body, pushing deeper and deeper inside her. “OH GOD, Dana, that feels so good…”  
“Oh Christ, oh, oh, oh Gerard, oh, oh…” Dana’s body was beginning to push up against his, her head arching back into the pillows. “Oh Gerard, oh, oh, oh Gerard…”  
“Oh God, Dana…” Gerard felt his legs start to shake. “Dana, please…”  
“Oh… oh, oh, oh God, oh, oh OH GERARD, OH-“ Dana threw her head back and screamed his name as she came, collapsing exhausted onto the bed and listening to him murmuring her name over and over and over in her ear as he came himself, his fingertips grasping at her hair.  
“Oh Gerard… oh Gerard, oh, I love you, I love you, I love you…” Dana kissed his shoulder. “I love you so, so much…”  
“Dana…” Gerard pushed himself up on his elbows and stroked the side of her face. “Oh Dana, Dana, Dana, you’re wonderful… you’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever known.” He kissed her gently. “And I love you too…I’ll always love you…”


	8. 8

21 July 1956

“I love dancing with you, Gerard…” Gerard was in his full black tie and she was wearing her long purple flared taffeta gown, dancing slowly on the spot to a Mozart tune she couldn’t quite place. “It just feels so… so perfect…”  
“It does.” Gerard stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, spinning her around so her skirt and petticoats flared out almost to her waist. “You look really beautiful tonight, Dana.”  
“Even with this magnificent black eye?” Dana grinned. “You just want to get laid.”  
He leaned in close and kissed her, lowering his voice. “Have I ever had a problem with that before?”  
Dana blushed. “Fair.”  
“Damn right it’s fair.” Gerard kissed her again and held his cheek against hers as they danced, his hand on the small of her back. “I love you, Dana.”  
Dana smiled and pulled him closer, tucking her chin over his shoulder. “I love you too, Gerard. And I hope you beat the crap out of that pervert.”  
Gerard burst out laughing, barely able to catch a breath. “Oh God, Dana, did I mention I love you?”  
“About 10 seconds ago.” Dana grinned. “But don’t worry, I still love you too.”  
“Phew.” Gerard faked wiping sweat off his brow. “Thank God for that.”  
“Yeah, real nail biter.” Dana rolled her eyes and kissed him gently, laying her head on his chest. “Mmm, Gerard, you smell so good…”  
He smiled and kissed her forehead. “So do you.” He leaned down. “Hey, Sherlock. How are you going to keep an eye out for the Prince of Fuckery with your eyes closed?”  
“Watch for the huge gold sash he wears with the heraldic crest,” whispered Dana. “The sash is made of metal and he has medals pinned literally anywhere he can fit them. He didn’t earn any of them, they’re all familial titles.” She rolled her eyes. “He’s short, with dark eyes and dark hair. The sash will probably feature fabric in the colours blue, yellow, and red, but sometimes he wears the all-metal one. The crest has a crown on top and a bunch of flourishes above a shield shape. The shield is divided down the middle, with one side red and and yellow vertical stripes under a diagonal blue stripe. The other side shows their two-towered castle supported by two dragons.”  
“Wow.” Gerard shook his head. “Sounds… subtle.”  
Dana stifled a laugh and kissed his chest. “Very.”  
“Clearly a man of refined tastes.” Gerard kissed Dana’s forehead again. “Although then again… I can see why he liked you…” He grinned, and Dana looked up at him.  
“Gerard, take your hand off my ass.” There was the hint of a smile in her voice. “People will stare.”  
“Let them.” Gerard began to nuzzle his face into the side of her neck, kissing her neck and shoulder. “God, Dana, you taste so good…”  
“Gerard…” Dana bit her lip, a steady warmth beginning to beat through her body. “Gerard.“ Don’t stop. Don’t stop. Oh God, don’t stop. “Gerard, STOP.”  
“Oh, fine.“ Gerard rolled his eyes. “Your cabin is like a freaking palace, by the way.”  
Dana stifled a laugh. “I did tell you it was nice.”  
“It has a whole wall of portholes and a separate sitting area! There’s paintings and rugs and wood panelling!” Gerard shook his head. “I can’t imagine waking up in the morning and just having to sit up to see the sea. I love the sea… sometimes I wake up early in the morning just to go and stand on the deck, looking out at the ocean. Sometimes I used to think-“ Gerard stopped abruptly. “I see him.”  
“Gerard, what-“ Dana swallowed. “What are you going to do?”  
“This.” Gerard grabbed her hand and pulled her over to the Prince. “Hey, remember her?” He shoved him hard, and there was a ripple around the room. “Remember what you did to her eye?” Gerard pointed at Dana’s black eye and shoved him again, being sure to shout loud enough that everyone would hear. Mikey promptly stopped playing the piano and sat back contentedly to watch the show.  
The Prince rolled his eyes. “Please, she deserved it.” The crowd that had gathered gasped in disapproval and a murmur went up, people shooting the Prince dirty looks and muttering to each other.  
Gerard grinned. “I was hoping you’d say something like that. It’ll be all over the ship by tomorrow.” He paused. “And so will this.” He pulled back his fist and punched the Prince so hard that it literally knocked him out of his lifted shoes and sent him sprawling onto his back, sliding across the hardwood floor. “That’s for Dana d’Anjou.”  
“Oh my God…” Dana’s mother pushed through the crowd. “Dana! Did he just punch the Prince?”  
Dana inwardly cringed. “…uh…”  
“I am sorry, Mrs d’Anjou, but when I found out that this man had hurt your daughter I could not control myself.” Gerard decided to run with the “Duke of Mantua” thing and hope it kept him from getting fired. “He attempted to force himself on her, and when she rejected him, he did this to her.” He gestured at her eye, and there was a collective gasp. “I cannot understand how anyone who would dare call himself a man could do such a thing.”  
The Prince’s jaw dropped. “You don’t understand, she-“  
Mrs d’Anjou was incandescent. “He did WHAT? Dana, is this true?”  
“Yes, and he kicked me, I didn’t want to worry you but I had to tell someone and he… he…” Think of an excuse for telling him. Think of an excuse for telling him. “I burst into tears in front of him, and I blurted it out, and the next thing I knew he was grabbing me by the hand and taking me to find him.”  
“I am most sorry for my conduct in front of you, Mrs d’Anjou, but as you know, I am a man of passion and the idea of someone harming your lovely daughter…” Gerard shook his head, a red flush of anger rising up his neck and his fists clenched. “I could not control myself.”  
“I understand perfectly, Your Grace.” Mrs d’Anjou put her hand on Dana’s shoulder. “Dana, honey, are you OK?”  
“I’m… I’m fine.” She smiled, managing somehow to make it look forced. “I’m just going to have the Duke escort me back to my cabin. I think I’m a little too upset for the nightly soiree.”  
“Such chivalry…” Dana’s mother was shaking her head and fanning herself as Gerard escorted Dana away, his hand on the small of her back. “SUCH chivalry…”

“Oh… oh Gerard…” Dana and Gerard were stumbling along the corridors towards her cabin, kissing frantically. “Oh, the way you… the way you defended me, oh God…” She pushed him against a panelled wall and began to rub herself hard against him, warm waves of pleasure beginning to grow. “Oh, Gerard, that feels so good…”  
“Oh, yes, it does…” Gerard desperately tried to work out how far it was to her cabin and gave up. Too far. Anywhere would be too far. “Oh Dana…” He glanced both ways and slipped his hand up her skirt and inside her panties.  
“Oh Gerard, we’re only ten rooms away…” Dana had the first feelings of pleasure beginning to spread through her body and bit her lip. “Gerard… Gerard, oh, we shouldn’t be-“  
“What are they going to do, throw us off the boat in the North Atlantic?” Gerard began to kiss the side of her neck, his hands kneading and rubbing and stroking skillfully. “Does that feel good?”  
“Oh yes, Gerard, yes…” Dana grabbed him by the lapels and pulled him to the other side of the corridor, pulling his body tightly against hers as he touched her. “Oh God, harder, touch me harder…”  
Gerard smiled and started to move his fingers faster, Dana desperately trying to press herself harder against them. “Oh Gerard, oh that feels so, so good…” Warm pulses of pleasure were beginning to build as he touched her, spreading upwards.  
“I love you so much, Dana.” Gerard kissed her passionately, his hand on the side of her face and his tongue deep in her mouth. “You are so beautiful, oh God, there is nothing I would not do or give for you…”  
“I love you too…” Dana tore open the front of his shirt, wrapped her arms around his back and pulled him in close, running her tongue across his bare skin. “God, you taste so good…” She leaned in and kissed him again, trying to stifle a cry as the sensations of pleasure began to beat more intensely through her body. “Oh, that feels so good, so good, don’t stop…”  
“Not even for this?” Gerard pushed a finger inside her and she held back a scream, an intense rush of pleasure racing upwards. The beats of pleasure were getting stronger and stronger, filling her entire body, intensifying as Gerard pushed another finger inside her.  
Dana bit her lip hard and started to rock against them, the feeling suddenly so strong she could hardly breathe. “Jesus, Gerard, that’s fantastic, oh God… Dana begun to run her fingertips over his bare skin, breathing hard. “Oh Gerard, faster, faster…”  
Gerard leaned in and kissed her, pressing his fingers harder against her, and despite herself she swore, pushing every inch of herself against him. The waves of pleasure were pulsing stronger and stronger through her whole body and she started frantically rubbing against him, her head thrown back as he kissed her neck. “Oh, Dana, you taste fantastic….”  
“Oh, that feels so good, oh Christ…” Dana wrapped her arms around his back, shivering as he trailed his fingertips down her spine. “Oh Gerard…”  
The waves of pleasure were now so powerful Dana could barely stand and Gerard wrapped his arm around her back and braced her between his body and the wall as her knees finally gave in. “Dana, oh Dana…”  
“Gerard, oh…” Sensations of pleasure were pushing through her body in a hot rush, contractions spreading outwards from his fingers. “Oh Gerard, oh God, oh God, oh… oh God…” Dana’s mouth was hanging half open, her eyes rolling back in her head. “Oh Gerard, oh, oh Gerard, oh, OH, OH OH-  
Gerard leaned in and kissed her passionately as she came, stifling her scream as her whole body shook. “Oh… oh Gerard…” Dana was gasping for breath and he was kissing her gently over and over and over, cradling her face in his hands, and then he was scooping her up in his arms and carrying her along the corridor as she laughed and kissed him, pushing open the door to her cabin suite and carrying her to the bed.  
“Oh, Dana…” He slowly unzipped her dress, kissing his way down her spine as he slid it off her shoulders, letting it pool at her feet. He picked her up and lay her on the bed, kissing her deeply, and then began to kiss her neck, unhooking her brassiere and lifting it off as he began to kiss her breasts. He shrugged off his shirt and dinner jacket and threw them on the floor with his bow tie. He kissed every inch of her abdomen, flicking his tongue into her navel and smiling as he felt her squirm, and then slipped out of his suit trousers and boxer shorts and tossed them on the floor. He unhooked her stockings and garter belt and started to kiss her legs, working his way down each leg from her thigh to her toes as he peeled them off, listening to her breathing faster and faster, finally climbing on top of her, slipping off her panties and and pushing inside her.  
“Gerard…” Dana stroked the side of his face and then pulled him down to kiss her, wrapping her arms around his back and pressing her body against his. “Gerard, you always feel so good, you always know just how to touch me…”  
Gerard began to kiss the side of her neck as Dana felt the first pulses of warm pleasure start to spread through her body and began to lift her hips. “God, Dana, you have no idea how good you feel, how good you always feel, you’re perfect, you are…”  
“I love you.” Dana smiled up at him, running her hands across his back. “Gerard, that feels amazing…” The pulses of pleasure were intensifying, a sense of warmth spreading through her entire body.  
He smiled and kissed her. “You’re amazing.” He kissed her passionately, his hands on the side of her face and his tongue deep in her mouth. “Oh God, Dana, I love you, I love you so much…”  
“I know, I know…” Dana could feel the sensations of pleasure intensifying faster and faster. “What… what you did for me tonight, Gerard, I-“  
“I’d do it a million times over.” Gerard held his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes. “I’d do anything for you, Dana.”  
“I know.” She smiled and kissed him gently, sliding her hand up to the back of his neck. “I love you for it.”  
“Not as much as I could ever love you.” Gerard kissed her again, his hands back on her face. “Dana, this feels amazing…”  
“Oh, I know, I know…” The feelings of pleasure had intensified until Dana could barely breathe. “Oh Gerard…” His forehead was still pressed against hers, his lips brushing against hers as he moved. “Oh… oh, that’s so, so good, you feel so good…”  
She felt him smile. “Mmm, I do?”  
“Oh yes, yes, oh yes, kiss me…” Dana wrapped her arms around him as he kissed her even more passionately than before, his hands gripping the side of her face so tight it was almost painful. “Oh, Gerard, Gerard…” She hugged him as tightly as she could, pressing her body up against his. “Oh, I love you…”  
He laughed quietly and stroked the side of her face. “So I hear.”  
“Oh, oh, this feels so good, this feels so good, oh God…” The feelings of pleasure were pulsing harder and harder and Dana was beginning to breathe fast and hard, fresh jolts shooting upwards through her body. “Oh God, oh God, oh Gerard, oh God…” She slid her hand up to the back of his neck, holding his forehead against hers as her body started to tremble. “Oh Gerard, oh Gerard…”  
“Dana…” Gerard kissed her gently, his hands cradling her face. “Dana, I love you…”  
“Gerard… oh God, Gerard, Gerard, Gerard…” Dana kissed him hard, her body starting to shake. “Oh God, oh Gerard…”  
“Oh Dana, Dana, you feel so, so good, tell me you’re close, please…” Gerard could feel his legs shaking.  
“I am, oh God, Gerard, I am, I… I…” The feelings of pleasure were on the verge of overwhelming her, her whole body shaking. “Gerard, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Gerard, oh God, oh, oh OH OH GERARD-“ Dana screamed at the top of her voice as she came hard, her body arching against Gerard’s as he came himself a second later, crying out her name and collapsing on top of her, every muscle in his body trembling. “Oh Dana, oh, oh, that was amazing…”  
“It was, it was, it was…” Dana kissed him gently and smiled up at him. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.” Gerard smiled and stroked the side of her face. “I’ll love you forever.”

Dana woke up early the next morning, still naked and wrapped in Gerard’s arms, light streaming in though the portholes by the bed. She silently cursed herself for not closing the blinds and reached for the cord, and then heard Gerard yawn. Damn. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up, I forgot to close the blinds-“  
“Not a problem in my cabin.” Gerard smiled lazily, his hair messed up and his eyes still sleepy. “I missed you.”  
“In the three hours since we went to sleep?” Dana laughed, and then she smiled. “Yeah, I missed you too.” She snuggled back into his arms and pulled the blankets over herself. “God, you look sexy right now.”  
"You do too... all mussed up, little smile playing on your face..." Gerard grinned.  
"Why, thank you." Dana grinned and kissed him, snuggling back into his arms. "I'm sorry I forgot to close the blinds."  
“That’s OK.” She felt him kiss her bare back, his fingertips trailing over her skin. “I still love you.”  
“Thank God.” Dana grinned. “I love you too.”  
“I’m glad.” She felt him hug her tighter. “I love you so, so much, Dana.”  
“I love you so much too.” She turned her head and kissed him. “I can’t imagine life without you. It sounds weird, but…” She shrugged. “It’s like you’ve always been here, I guess.”  
“No, it doesn’t sound weird. I get it.” Gerard smiled and kissed the back of her neck. “I get it because I feel the same about you.”  
“You know, you’ve never really told me about that satchel.” Dana pointed at his battered brown leather satchel and looked up at him. “You always brush off any questions, but it must be important for you to bring it up here with you, even though you didn’t know you’d be staying the night…”  
Gerard grinned, leaned in, and kissed her ear. “Was there really ever any chance I wouldn’t be staying the night?”  
Dana blushed. “OK, so, but my point is… it’s important to you. Once, you told me you’ve been carrying it since you were 15. It’s important to you, and you’re important to me, so… I want to know what it is.”  
Gerard cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “Music.”  
Dana raised her eyebrows. “Music?”  
Gerard looked like he was about to cry as he pushed her away and climbed out of bed, searching for his boxer shorts. “See, I knew you wouldn’t understand, people never understand-“  
“Gerard. No.” Dana held out her arms and he reluctantly climbed back into bed. “What I meant was, what KIND of music?” She kissed his shoulder. “What is it that’s made you carry it so close for ten years?”  
“It’s… it’s…” Gerard began to nibble at his thumbnail. “It’s MINE.”  
Dana stared at him. “Well, you’re the one carrying it, of course it is.”  
“No, I mean…” Gerard blushed bright red and Dana kissed the back of his neck soothingly, stroking his hand. “I mean… it’s MINE. I wrote it. It’s over 10 years of pain and passion and life and everything that makes me ME written down in musical script.” He smiled at her. “Lately, a lot of it has been about… about how I feel about you.” He kissed the back of her hand.  
Dana broke into a wide smile. “Really?”  
Gerard rolled over and wrapped his arms around her, kissing the side of her neck. “Really.” He smiled softly at her and kissed the tip of her nose. “It’s barely 5.30am. There’s probably no one in the ballroom, unless some drunken toff has passed out on a couch somewhere. Would you like to hear one?”  
Dana bit her lip and threw her arms around him, kissing his cheek. “I’d love to! Which one?”  
“I… let me think. Well, I’ll just pick at random.” He climbed out of bed, padded across the floor and picked the satchel up, bringing it back to the bed. “OK, you pick.” He unbuckled the satchel and opened the flap. “Oh, yeah.” He pointed at the yellow pages. “Those are the ones about you, by the way. I can only get legal pads on this damn boat and I ran out of manuscript paper.”  
Dana bit her lip, picked out a yellow sheet and handed it to him. “Oh. Oh, of course it’s this one. You would pick the weeper. I wrote it when… when…” He sniffed and wiped his eyes, a few tears still trickling down his face. “When I still thought you’d leave the Andrea Doria without me and I’d never see you again.”  
“Gerard…” Dana smiled and kissed him, her hands cradling the sides of his face. “That was never going to happen. From the night we met… that was never going to happen. Whatever happens, we are going to spend the rest of our lives together.” She kissed him again. “I promise.”  
He smiled. “I love you.”  
Dana smiled back and kissed him gently. “I love you too.”

“I hope they tuned this thing since Mikey last murdered it.” Gerard sat at the piano, testing each of the keys in turn.  
“You are the one who keeps making him use “your” piano, Gerard.” Dana rolled her eyes and grinned at him.  
“Well, I have more… pressing engagements.” He smiled up at her. “It’s not finished yet, so no judgement.”  
“No judgement.” Dana smiled back and kissed his cheek, and then went and sat in the padded armchair he’d set up for her so she’d get the “best acoustics”.

He took a deep breath and started to play, his fingers dancing over the keys, and Dana shook his head in amazement that he had the talent to write this, something this wonderful, and then his voice filled the room and her mouth fell open. His single voice filled a room the size of a small theatre, as loud as if he were standing next to you. I mean, she’d known he was talented, but… she shook her head. This wasn’t talented. This was a once in a generation gift.

Gerard was looking at her and smiling gently, his eyes shining at her as he sang.

“If I could be with you tonight  
I would sing you to sleep  
Never let them take the light behind your eyes  
One day I'll lose this fight  
As we fade in the dark  
Just remember you will always burn as bright

Be strong and hold my hand  
Time becomes for us, you'll understand  
We'll say goodbye today   
And I'm sorry how it ends this way  
If you promise not to cry  
Then I'll tell you just what I would say

If I could be with you tonight  
I would sing you to sleep  
Never let them take the light behind your eyes  
I'll fail and lose this fight  
Never fade in the dark  
Just remember you will always burn as bright.”

He blushed bright red and wiped the tears off his face, tucking the handwritten music back into his pocket. “Just remember that when I wrote this I thought I would never see you again, before you get any big ideas.”

Dana stood up, walked over and kissed him passionately. “I loved it. And my main idea involved getting you back to my cabin as fast as possible.”  
Gerard stood up so fast he knocked over the piano stool. “That’s an idea I like.”  
They staggered back to the cabin as fast as they could, stumbling from wall and wall and kissing passionately until they finally reached her door, pushed it open, and fell inside. “Oh God, Gerard…” Dana kicked the door shut and they somehow made it to her bed, leaving a trail of nightclothes and undergarments. “Oh, kiss me, kiss me harder…”  
Gerard was kissing his way down the side of her neck. “Dana, Dana, you taste so good, this is all I want to do, forever, I just want to-“  
“DANA D’ANJOU, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT GIVING AWAY THE MILK FOR FREE?” Her mother was in the doorway and Dana screamed and pulled the sheets over herself, leaving Gerard scrambling for a pillow. Her mother pointed at Gerard. “You. Out.” She fixed a steely gaze on Dana. “You? We have some talking.”


	9. 9

22 July 1956

“Mother, I CANNOT believe you just did that!” Dana was beside herself with fury. “I love him, and you just chased him naked into a corridor with only a pillow to cover himself! Now he might never want to see me again, because… because you’re a control freak! I’m sixteen years old, I’m an adult! I’m ALLOWED to pick my own partners!”  
“Dana… I’m not just stopping you from consorting with men for my own kicks. I have my reasons, and they are good ones.” Her mother gestured at an ornate settee and Dana sat down, still fuming. “I need to tell you something, and it’s important, so I need you to listen closely. Put your anger at me aside, at least for a moment. I have been waiting sixteen years to tell you this, and sometimes I have thought I never should, but now I feel it is the right time.” She paused and looked at the basket of spirits sent by Cesar. “Dana, I believe I’m going to need a large Scotch. Fill the damn glass.”  
Dana stared at her, shocked at the look on her face. “Mother, you never drink-“  
“Today I do. I’ll need it. We both will. Hell, bring the bottle.”  
Dana shook her head in amazement and brought over the drink, watching her mother take a huge slug of Scotch. “Dana, do you remember how I told you that I reverted to my maiden name after your father was killed in the war?”  
Dana nodded. “Yes, he volunteered to fight for the Allies as a pilot because he hated Mussolini and he was killed in 1940 when his plane was shot down. I know all this, Mother, I don’t understand why-”  
“Except, Dana…” Her mother bit her lip and took her daughter’s hand. “None of it is true.”  
Dana’s mouth fell open. “NONE of it?”  
“You are an Anjou, and you were born in 1940, but that is all. Your father was not killed in the war. I never married your father. In fact, I barely knew him.” Her mother smiled wistfully to herself, lost in some memory as Dana abandoned all charade at the glass and swigged directly from the bottle, then caught herself abruptly and spat it subtly back out on the floor beside the settee. “The Americans were stationed on an island off the coast, near Elba, and they used to abduct Italian service workers from the mainland to work on the island, and they mistook me for a serving girl one day in a hotel. He was an American GI. I was barely seventeen when I met him on the beach. He told me such wonderful things, that he loved me, that he would love me forever, that he was going to take me home with him to America, where we would be together forever… only one day I went to his barracks and he was gone. He left me with only three things… some DuPont nylon stockings, a box of Hershey bars, and you.” She smiled and hugged her daughter. “Of course, I didn’t know it then, but after I put on some weight and missed some of my monthlies… I knew.” She looked down, then took another deep swig of Scotch. “Being an unwed mother carried a huge stigma, like it does now, especially when one happens to be nobility. I would have been shunned, so I… there… there was a woman. She was known for… dealing with ‘problems’ like mine.”  
Dana stared at her. “You went to an abortionist.”  
“Yes, I did, and believe me, sweetheart, I’m not proud of it.” Her mother stared at her hands. “It was… awful. She had a chair set up in the back room of a dentist, a chair like the one they would use if I was actually giving birth, and the second I saw it I almost turned to run. The only thing that kept me there was that she had her hand around my arm like a vice, steering me towards that thing like it was the electric chair and she was the prison warden. I swear, Dana, the whole time I didn’t want to do it, I was silently screaming at them to stop, but I thought I had to do it. I… I… Her mother grabbed the bottle and drank deeply, her hands trembling. “I could feel it, they had a... a spreading thing, and a coathanger twisted into this horrific tool and I could feel them moving it around, they swished it around like they were mopping a floor. I could feel every swipe as if it were my own flesh they were slashing at. She acted like it was some routine task she did every day.” She shrugged. “I guess maybe it was.” She took a deep breath, tears running down her face. “I cried and screamed for you the entire time, and for the entire journey home,” She swallowed, staring at her knees, and sipped at her liquor. “Afterwards, they said it might take a few days, and to rest, and it was the worst pain I have ever experienced. I lay in my bed curled up on my side, clutching my stomach and sobbing. My stomach hurt so bad, the cramps were unbelievable, but the pain of losing you was worse. I sobbed and sobbed and all I wanted was my baby, but my baby was gone forever, and all I could think was that I was the one who had killed you. When I had the bleeding I’d heard about I thought it had worked, and I wanted nothing more than to die myself… and then a few months later I went into labour.” She smiled. “The nurses said I was the only girl they’d ever seen who smiled throughout her entire labour.” Dana’s mother reached out and touched her daughter’s cheek. “You were the greatest gift of my life.”  
Dana gritted her teeth. “But a gift you didn’t want.”  
“I ALWAYS WANTED YOU!” Her mother’s whole body was trembling. “You have no idea what it was like then, Dana, I wanted you but I COULDN’T, I desperately wanted to run away and love you and raise you and watch you grow up but I was only seventeen, BARELY seventeen. It was wartime, Americans were bombing cities and there were people with horrific burns and fractures and wounds, and everyone said it was going to be the end of the world. Men were grabbing random women off the street as they walked home and cutting their throats for a few thousand lira. I had no money without my family, no way to support us, and… and I couldn’t do that to you. All I had was that I was an Anjou, and that meant nothing when I was clearly pregnant. I couldn’t put you through the life we’d have, the poverty, the prejudice, the pain and the bombs and the street violence…" She took another deep swig of Scotch. “At the time, I thought I was doing you a kindness by removing you from this terrible world before you had a chance to suffer its horrors. It was BECAUSE I loved you that I had to go to that awful woman, and I praise God every day that she failed.” She hugged her daughter and kissed her cheek. “But it meant I had to find an explanation for my suddenly having this baby girl, so I bought a cheap wedding ring from a pawnshop and when I went back to America, I told them my husband was a soldier killed in the war. I even had a picture, one of a friend’s fiance. Everyone was very sympathetic, and as I watched you grow into such a beautiful young lady, with that clear skin and that beautiful long red hair, I knew I had to keep up the story so you would have real marriage prospects. An illegitimate child, even at 16, is almost completely impossible to find a decent husband for-“  
“Define decent, mother.” Dana crossed her arms. “Because Gerard loves me, and he won’t care.“  
“Are you sure?” Her mother looked sad. “Honey, you are the greatest gift I’ve ever had, but other nobles won’t see it that way. I am so sorry to have to burden you with the circumstances of your birth, with this lifelong lie I’ve had to keep up, you have no idea how often I’ve wanted to tell you but couldn’t-“  
“Why not? In case I was ashamed of myself the way you seem to be?” Dana began to cry. “I can’t believe you tried to get rid of me, that I was a failed… a failed ABORTION, that you didn’t want me-“  
“I’ve always loved you, Dana,” said her mother quietly. “I’ve made that clear to you. The reason I didn’t tell you was so that I could protect you, not so that I could protect me. You’re only sixteen. I wasn’t even eighteen when I gave birth to you. Frankly, I wasn’t sure you were old enough to cope yet.”  
Dana bit her lip and burst into tears, hugging her mother tightly. “I love you too, Mama, it’s just so hard to take, you told me his name, how he died, I… I mourned him, you showed me medals-“  
Her mother smiled sadly. “From the same pawnshop.” She pushed away the bottle. “I think I’ve had enough."  
Me too. “What-“ Dana swallowed. “My real father. The GI. What was his name?”  
“Yossarian. John Yossarian. He was a captain of the 256th Squadron. Tall, dark, handsome, hated authority. You’d have liked him. I keep a photograph of us on the beach together in a box in my closet in case you ever want to see it. He was Armenian, but he got a kick out of telling people he was Assyrian."  
Dana frowned. "You said he was American."  
"No American is ever an American, dear. They're all Italian, or German, or Irish... now yours, he says he's full blood Italian, but with that gangling brother of us there's more Viking there. He's not British, they brag too much. He is at least half Italian, yes, but he also has to be partly Irish, especially with those eyes and easy charm. Anyway, Assyrian or Armenian or American, I loved him with my entire soul and he told me the same thing. Then, one day… he was gone.” Tears were running down her mother’s face. “I looked him up. He lives in New York now, if you want to meet him, although you might give him a heart attack. He’s still single. I think he’s too weird for many people to take for very long. You definitely get your quirkiness from him. And his eyes. You have his eyes. And you have his fire, and his defiance of anything remotely resembling authority.” She smiled softly. “I think a part of me still loves him… but I’ll keep up the original story forever. I was married to an Italian captain named Bernacchia, and he was killed defending Italy from Mussolini.” She wiped her eyes. “I would appreciate it if you would keep up the fiction, at least in public.”  
“Of course I will, Mum.” Dana hugged her mother tightly. “I promise.”  
“Dana, all I want is for you to be happy. I don’t want this Gerard to break your heart.” Her mother patted her hand. “If you are going to tell him about your illegitimacy, do it now. Don’t wait until it’s too late for you to come back from.”  
“He won’t leave me, Mum. He loves me.” Dana squeezed her mother’s hand. “And he will keep your secret forever.”  
Her mother tilted her head. “You know, I believe he will.” She smiled. “And I do believe he loves you. I just wanted you to know why I get so angry about your being alone with young men. It’s not because I’m a bitch, or because I’m a control freak… it’s because I don’t want you to find yourself in the same situation I did.”  
“I…” Dana bit her lip. “I love you, Mama.”  
Her mother smiled. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

Dana walked through the corridors on the crew decks until she reached Gerard’s cabin, hesitated, and tapped softly on the door. “Gerard? It’s Dana. Are you there?”  
He opened the door, smiled, and pulled her inside, kissing her passionately and shoving the door closed. “For you? Always.”  
“Guys.” Mikey looked up from his bunk and rolled his eyes. “Can I please just get ONE DAY?”  
“No, it’s… Dana bit her lip and looked at Mikey. “I have to talk to Gerard about something important. Please.”  
“I…” Mikey saw the look on Dana’s face and gathered up his comics. “I’ll be in the crew lounge.” He shuffled all his comics into one arm to open the door and fled the cabin, praying the fallout wouldn’t mean a week of sleeping on the floor.  
“Mmmm, I’ve missed you…” Gerard wrapped his arms around Dana and kissed her gently. He started to kiss the side of her neck, pulling her close and running his fingers up and down her spine. “I just had to travel all the way down here from first class completely naked after your mother chased me into the hallway and locked me out, with only a pillow to cover myself…” He laughed softly and started to kiss her behind her ear. “But… oh God, I love you, Dana…” He kissed her passionately, and pulled her down on the bed, his hands on the side of her face and his tongue deep in her mouth. “You can’t imagine how-“  
“Gerard, I’m pregnant.” Dana saw a look of horror cross his face and he immediately dropped her, jumping off the bed and backing away with his eyes wide open. “I know it’s only been five days and I haven’t had a test but I should have started yesterday and it’s already the afternoon and I’m like clockwork and-“  
“Dana, that’s not funny.” Gerard’s voice was cold and he moved further away from her, a dark look in his eyes.  
A cold, sick feeling settled in Dana’s stomach. “I’m not joking, Gerard.” Dana reached for his hand and he snatched it away as if she was somehow poisonous. “Gerard, I love you, why are you doing this, you told me you loved me, that we’d be together forever-“  
“I can’t do this.” Gerard abruptly opened the door of the cabin and walked out.  
“No! Gerard! Gerard, you said you loved me!” Dana jumped up and ran after him, almost tripping over the metal rim outside the cabin. “Gerard! GERARD! GERARD, COME BACK! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE!” She burst into tears and stopped in the middle of the empty corridor, sinking to her knees and sobbing her heart out. “Gerard, I love you…” She buried her head in her hands and sobbed, sitting down hard on the floor of the corridor. “You said you’d be with me forever…” She let out a heartrending sob, pressing her hands against her flat stomach and imagining the tiny beginnings of their child growing inside, a child she already loved more than life itself. “We were meant to spend the rest of our lives together…”


	10. Chapter 10

22 July 1956

“Gerard, you have been sulking for almost an hour.” Mikey was staring at him over the top of one of his comics. “It’s been so long that now you’re actually pissing ME off. What the fuck happened in there? Did she dump you for a real Duke?”  
“No.” Gerard’s voice was very small. “She’s pregnant.”  
“She’s pregnant? That’s fantastic!” Mikey broke into a broad smile, and then saw Gerard grimace. “Except…” He frowned. “Except somehow it’s not? How? Why? Is it someone else’s?”  
“No, it’s mine, but…” Gerard leaned forward and rubbed his forehead. “Do you remember our childhood, Mikes?”  
Mikey stared at him. “Of course I fucking do, but I’m guessing you’re not planning on beating the shit out of Dana.”  
“No, never, I’d never lay a finger on her, you know that, Mikes, that girl… that girl is the love of my life.” Gerard looked up at Mikey, tears streaming down his face. “But… but I can’t do this, I don’t have the first idea-“  
Mikey raised his eyebrows. “You did a damn good job with me.”  
“But… but…” Gerard bit his lip. “But babies are different. I wouldn’t know the first thing to do with a baby. I’d get it all wrong, and it’d grow into this messed-up adult who-“  
Mikey slammed his hand down on the table and made him jump. “Listen to me, Gerard, you complete asshole, and listen to me close. She’s sixteen. It’s not surprising she’s pregnant. Sixteen is about five times as likely an age to get pregnant as there is, and you’re having what I assume is unprotected sex at least twice a day. What’s surprising is that you’re acting like such a fucking child about it. She's probably at least ten times more scared than you are right now." He leaned forwards. “Do you love her?”  
Gerard’s mouth fell open. “Of course I do, you know I do, but-“  
Mikey nodded. “And does she love you?”  
“She…” Gerard looked at his hands and began to pick his fingernails. “Well, she did an hour ago-“  
“Then you’re like every other couple. The past is the past. You love her and she loves you, and between you, you two are going to love and raise this child like the special, unique little person he or she is, just like every other decent first time parents.” Mikey crossed his arms. “Now go flex your songwriting skills and get out Mum’s ring. You have a hell of a show to put on if you want that girl to go anywhere near you ever again.” Mikey gritted his teeth. “Right now, I think she’d be within her rights to kill you.”

There was a rap at the door of Dana’s cabin at 6pm that night after she had been curled up on her bed, crying for hours. “GO AWAY!”  
“Dana, it’s Mikey.”  
Mikey? What the hell… Dana got up and walked over to the door in her dressing robe and bare feet, her eyes red and puffy. “What do you want? Did your brother send you? Because he can go and-“  
“No.” Mikey shifted uncomfortably. This did not bode well for their plan. “I’m here to take you to the evening dance.”  
Dana stared at him. “You’re in black tie.”  
“I wondered when you’d notice that.” Mikey grinned. “Now-“  
“Oh my God, Mikey.” Dana threw her arms around him and started to sob. “Thank you, thank you, thank so much for the thought, but I’m not in the mood for-“  
“I know. Gerard told me. I told him he was an asshole.” Mikey smiled. “Now go and pick out the most stunning dress you have and make yourself look as beautiful as you are. He’s playing piano tonight, and we’re going to go and show him what he gave up.”  
Dana grinned back. “I like how you think… but it might take a while.”  
Mikey silently swore to himself and sat on a chair in the living area, glaring at all the women’s magazines. He knew he should have brought something to read.

Stunning… stunning… Dana smiled and pulled out the two-piece full length gown she’d been saving for the last night ball, the corseted strapless bodice encrusted in pieces of sparkling polished green tsavorite and the skirt layers and layers and layers of matching green tulle. She slowly pulled layer after layer of tulle over her head, twenty layers per slim elasticated waistband, the bottom of the skirt almost as wide as she was tall, and then swore. Her mother was at dinner, and this hourglass bodice was a two person job. “Uh… Mikey?”  
Mikey blinked. That was fast. “Yes?”  
Dana was clipping up her hair on the other side of the wall. “Can you help me get into this dress? I’m only in my skirt and I’m not wearing a brassiere so you can’t peek or look when I open the door until I tell you to open your eyes, and then I need you to lace me into it.”  
Mikey’s mouth fell open. “Uh…“ Gerard will kill me. My brother is going to kill me.  
“IT’S IMPORTANT!”  
Yikes. “OK!” Mikey went to the door of her bedroom and closed his eyes. “OK, eyes are closed!”  
“Cool.” She opened it, took both his hands, turned them palms-up, and laid the thick ribbon lace across them. She picked up the corset, held it in front of her, and then turned around so he was facing her back. “You can open your eyes now.”  
Mikey opened his eyes and they nearly popped out of his head. “HOLY-“  
Dana ignored him. “Now, it’s a corset, so after you lace, you are really going to have to PULL to close it. Make sure the ribbons lie flat. No ugly twists, OK?”  
Mikey swallowed, staring at her smooth white skin, the delicate lines of her back, the little freckle on her shoulder, smooth curves at the sides and undersides of her breasts behind the corset, imagining running his fingers down her spine, hell, over all of it and desperately hoping Gerard wouldn’t find out he’d dared think such a thing. Or lace Dana into her corset. That either. In that second, he wanted nothing more than he’d ever wanted in his life than to kiss her. Suddenly, she heard him laugh softly. “What?” She bristled. “What, do I look fat?”  
“No, you're... you’re beautiful, it’s just you… you… you have a small tattoo of a sunflower on your back.” He smiled. “It’s beautiful.”  
"Huh. Gerard never noticed." Dana smiled a little. “Mikey, FOCUS.”  
Yikes. Mikey blinked and ripped his eyes away from the flower. “… OK.”  
“First find the center of the grommets from top to bottom and mark off these 4 grommets, 2 on each side. It’s scooped pretty low in back, under the shoulderblades, so COUNT.” She handed him a green artist’s crayon. “Do NOT get it on the fabric, and wipe it off with this cloth when you’re done. Thread the lacing straight across the bottom, feeding the left lace through the back of the bottom-left grommet and the right lace through the back of the bottom-right grommet. Pull the lacing through until you have about the same length of lacing on both sides.  
Take the left lace and cross it to the right side, then skip 1 grommet and cross to the left side, skip 1 grommet and to the right, skip 1 and cross to the left, and so on until you get to the center place you marked. At this point, create a large loop by threading out of the first marked grommet and then back into the next grommet on the same side. Continue the lacing pattern as before until you reach the top.  
Now take the right lace and cross it to the left side, then right side, then left, then right, filling in the open grommets. Create another large loop by threading out of the first marked grommet and then back into the next grommet on the same side. Continue the lacing pattern as before until you reach the top. To finish the lacing off, tie a knot in the lacing at the top of the corset. Tighten the laces working from the top to the middle and bottom to the middle, pulling all the excess lacing into the two loops. Got that?”  
Mikey blushed. “Yeah, uh, one question. What’s a grommet?”  
“Like the hole in your shoe the lace goes through.” Dana rolled her eyes and turned around, holding her hair above her head and the corset across her front. “Lace away.”  
Mikey swallowed again and started to lace, sneaking the occasional glance, until he got to tightening the corset over Dana’s chest. “I can’t get it to close. Should I-“  
“No, just really, REALLY put your strength into it.” Dana pulled him across the room and bent over one of the ship grab bars, holding on tight with one hand, the other hoisting up her breasts so they would look particularly fantastic in the sweetheart neckline of the corset. “Now, PULL! Take your shoe off and brace your foot against my back if you have to, just put a handbag bag in between so the cotton on your socks doesn’t snag on the jewels!”  
Mikey frowned. “Handbag… bag?”  
“IT'S TO PROTECT THE FINE LEATHER OF YOUR HANDBAG! NOW PULL!”  
Jesus. Women are insane. Mikey took a deep breath, braced one foot on the wall, and pulled hard on the silk laces, leaning backwards with all his weight at every grommet until both sides of the bodice were closed. “And… and now I just tie the laces tight into a bow at your waist? Like I do with my shoes?”  
“That’s right.” Dana turned and kissed him on the cheek, and Mikey blushed bright red. “Thank you, Mikey. I’ll put my make-up on now.”  
“Huh?” Mikey couldn’t take his eyes off her chest.  
Dana cleared her throat pointedly. “I SAID, I will put my MAKE-UP on now.”  
“Oh. OH. Oh, yeah.” Mikey blushed again and fled the room.  
By the time she emerged, she was wearing her grandmother’s diamond, pearl, and white gold wired necklace and matching studs and her red hair was piled high on her head and entwined with a fine white gold, seed pearl, and diamond chain. Her eyes were lined in black and her lips painted a peachy pink, her skin carefully powdered. Mikey barely recognised her compared with the weeping girl who had been clinging to him less than two hours earlier. She did a spin on the spot. “Nice?”  
Mikey just stared at her. “Stunning.”  
“Bravo, Mikey. That is a safe answer.” She kissed his cheek again, and Mikey blushed again. “OK, Mikey. This will make sense at the dance. Take a deep breath on 3… 2… 1.” She pulled him in close and kissed him gently, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and slipping her tongue into his mouth. Mikey hesitated, and then threw his horn-rim glasses on the floor, slid his hands down to the sides of her waist and onto the small of her back, pulling her in closer, kissing her harder and more passionately. Her hands were moving across his back, pulling him so close the tsavorite on her corset was snagging on his shirt. Mikey's hands began to finger with the lacing on her corset, enjoying the feeling of tempting himself to do something he never could, before she finally pulled away with a heavy sigh a few minutes later, both of them gasping for breath. “I... wow."  
Mikey nodded furiously. "Yes. Wow." He was blushing again. Actually, he didn’t think he’d ever STOP blushing now. “Uh, Dana, your… your lipstick, it’s… it’s a bit smudged.”  
“Shit. That might have been hard to explain. Best clean you off too. Good catch, Mikes.” Dana smiled and whipped out a makeup pad and a sapphire and emerald jewelled silver compact from her bag as Mikey scrabbled around on the floor for his glasses, handing him the tissue and carefully fixing the lipstick mess. Wow. DEFINITELY wow. That was more of a kiss than she thought. Hell, than she'd even PLANNED. She shook her head and tucked the compact back in her bag. “OK, Mikey, I think we’re good to go.” Dana grinned and held out her arm, and Mikey blushed yet again before taking it. “Let’s hit this thing.”


	11. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Shona, who loaned me her favourite Green Day song after I asked for advice.

22 July

When they reached the dance, Gerard was at his original position playing the piano, working his way through the various works of Mozart. Dana smiled and looked at Mikey. “Mikey, can you dance?”  
Mikey nodded. “Yes. I learned when I started working the ships.” He cleared his throat. “Dana, you look… you look…” He shook his head. “My brother is an idiot. If you were… if you were mine, I…I…” He trailed off into silence, biting his lip. “I’d never let you go. Hell, I don’t think I’d ever take my hands off you.”  
“Thank you.” Dana smiled warmly and took Mikey’s hands in hers, placing one on the small of her back and clasping the other in hers, laying her hand on his shoulder. “Mikey, can I ask you something?”  
Mikey smiled. “Sure.”  
“How long have you been in love with me?”  
Mikey almost choked. “I… I’m not-“  
Dana smiled softly and squeezed his hand. “You are. You have been since you saw me. I heard you sigh just then, I heard you when you saw me tonight, and I heard you again when I hugged you earlier. When I kissed your cheek, you nearly cried. It’s why I kissed you before, outside my cabin. I thought you needed a proper movie-star kiss from me at least once in your life.” She stroked the side of his face and he let out a small sigh before he could stop himself. “See? That must have ached terribly.”  
Mikey smiled painfully at her with tears in his eyes, aware Gerard was already shooting daggers at him from the piano. “Like you wouldn’t believe.” He swallowed. “I… honestly, I’ve loved you since the day I saw you. The second, actually.”  
“Then…” Dana tilted her head questioningly. “Why not say anything? Why would you keep silent?”  
Mikey stared at her. “Because you were Gerard’s girl.”  
Dana smiled gently. “Mikey, I’m nobody’s girl. I never have been.” She raised her eyebrows. “Don’t make me kiss you again.”  
Mikey grinned. “Please do.”   
“Mikey, you’re dodging the question. I’m nobody’s girl. I’ve never been anyone’s girl, except my own. I belong only to me. You know that. It’s one of the reasons you love me.” She looked at him closely. “So, Mikey. Why wouldn’t you tell me?”  
“Because…” Mikey had tears in his eyes. “He’s my brother, Dana.”  
Dana’s voice took on a definite edge. “Mikey, you know damn well I still get the right to make my own decision.”  
“Dana, it’s… you don’t understand. It’s not that you’re someone else’s girl, or even that you’re my brother’s girl. It’s that you’re Gerard’s girl.” He bit his lip and looked down. “I’m used to playing second chair to Gerard. I… I never told him, but when we auditioned for Andrea Doria, I got first piano, not him. I asked to trade. It’s just… what I do. I… I owe him.” He looked at her, a desperate look on his face. “Dana, I’m begging you, please don’t tell him. Let him think he’s the best. He needs it. He’s always needed it. He’s always needed to be the best.”  
“I won’t, Mikey. You know I won’t.” Dana let go of his hand and hugged him tight, stroking his back, and then took his hand again, stroking his fingers affectionately with her thumb.”But it’s been almost twenty years. I’d say your debt is paid.” Dana kissed his cheek and laid her head on his chest. “Mikey… I won’t lie. You deserve honesty. It was always Gerard who was the one for me. I saw him boarding Doria on the 17th, messy haired and open-collared, and I was lost with that single glance. Even if you had spoken up, I would have chosen him. I’m so sorry for how much that must hurt for you to hear, and I can’t imagine how it must make you feel… but I can’t let you live with a lifetime of regret, and of wondering ‘what-if…’” She smiled sadly. “But don’t let him push you around any more. Promise me.”  
Mikey grinned, blushing for the thousandth time as she brushed a single tear off his face with her thumb. “I promise.”  
Dana looked up at him. “Oh, and Mikey? Can I ask you something else?”  
Mikey smiled at her. “Sure.”  
She raised an eyebrow. “Remember when I had you lace my corset, and you had to close your eyes when I first opened my bedroom door?”  
“Uh…” Mikey swallowed. “Yeah?”  
Dana grinned. “You peeked, didn’t you?”  
Mikey blushed bright red, looking ashamed. “Yes.”  
“That’s OK.” Dana laid her head back on his chest. “I knew you would. Lot and his wife, Perseus and Medusa, Orpheus and Eurydice…” She looked up at him and grinned again. “It’s well established in heroic mythology… the hero ALWAYS peeks.” She laughed. ”I just hope you got to see something good… although judging by THAT blush, I’m guessing you saw plenty.”  
Mikey broke into a wide smile. “Really? I get to be the hero?”  
“Not as in a Superman or Captain America hero, no, Mikey, although you have a mean pair of Clark Kent glasses, but the best kind of hero.” Dana smiled softly and stroked his face. “Someday, you will be some girl’s hero, and you will love each other so powerfully and so devotedly that this will feel like a footnote.” She stroked his face again. “I promise.”  
Mikey looked like he was going to cry. “Dana, you will never be a footnote. Ever. I will love you forever, whether you’re my brother’s girl or not.”  
Gerard’s eyes narrowed jealously as he watched her smile up at Mikey, stroking his face, looking into his eyes with her hand in his. OK, that’s enough, I don’t want her ACTUALLY falling in love with my brother. “Uh, pardon the interruption, everyone, but I just wanted to say something.” Gerard was still sitting at the piano, rapping on the lid with a silver spoon to get everyone’s attention and speaking loudly enough for the entire room to hear.  
“What the fuck is he doing?” hissed Dana, and Mikey held one finger over her lips, forcing himself to keep smiling through a hidden deep, deep pain.  
Gerard glanced around, looking ashamed. “I… I hurt someone I loved today, and I ran from a commitment I should have made because of the past. I was wrong. I should have looked to the future.” Gerard made eye contact with Dana and smiled softly.   
Dana glared back at him and mouthed “I WILL KILL YOU.”   
Gerard swallowed uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck. Shit. That is not a good sign. He took a deep breath and decided to ignore it. “I wrote a song for her, and I hope you’ll indulge me by listening… and that she will at least try to forgive me.” He cleared his throat and began to play.

“Words get trapped in my mind  
Sorry I don't take the time to feel the way I do  
'Cause the first day you came into my life  
My time ticks around you

All I want is you to understand  
That when I take your hand  
It's 'cause I want to  
We are all born in a world of doubt  
But there's no doubt  
I figured out  
I love you

But then I need your voice  
As the key to unlock  
All the love that's trapped in me  
So tell me when it's time  
To say I love you

All I want is you to understand  
That when I take your hand  
It's 'cause I want to  
We are all born in a world of doubt  
And there's no doubt  
I figured out  
I love you

And I feel lonely for  
All the losers that will never take the time to say  
What was really on their mind instead  
They just hide away  
Yet they'll never have  
Someone like you to guide them  
And help along the way  
Or tell them when it's time to say, I love you  
So tell me when it's time to say I love you.”

Gerard got up, left the piano and walked up to her. “Dana, you’re perfect. I love you, and I will always love you. You are the most wonderful, amazing, beautiful girl I have ever known, and I honestly can’t imagine life without you. I was so busy getting hung up on the past that I didn’t see… I didn’t see that all that mattered is that I love you, and that I hope you still love me, and that that’s all we need.” He got down on one knee and held up his mother’s silver ring, its single small diamond sparkling in the lights. “I should have done this days ago, the moment we met, but better late than never, I guess.” He grinned. “Dana d’Anjou, will you marry me?”  
There was a moment of silence and it seemed like the entire ballroom was holding its breath. Dana took a deep breath, bit her lip, and then slapped him hard across the face and knocked him on his backside. “You bastard.”   
“Jesus Christ…” Gerard staggered to his feet, clutching his face and trying desperately not to cry. You’ve ruined your life. You idiot. You complete, childish idiot, Gerard, you have ruined your life. “So, I…” He swallowed back tears. “I’m guessing that means-“  
“It means that you’re a bastard who put me through hell.” Dana smiled. “But yes, l will.”   
“Yes?” Gerard wasn’t sure if he’d heard her right.“You will?” Even though you just slapped me so hard I think you might have knocked some of my teeth loose?  
Dana burst into tears. “Yes! Yes, I will!” The room erupted into slightly confused applause as Gerard slipped the ring on her finger, and Dana jumped up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, laughing as he held her waist in his hands and span her around, pulling her in close and kissing her passionately. Mikey turned away for a second and wiped his eyes with the tissue Dana had given him, and then quickly plastered a smile back across his face, clapping along with the rest of the room.  
“I love you, Dana.” Gerard leaned in and kissed her ear, lowering his voice to a whisper and stroking his palm subtly across her stomach. “And our little boy or girl.”  
“I love you too, you jerk, and you better keep that quiet.” Dana grinned, whispering “And he or she loves you too.”  
Gerard signalled to Mikey and he quietly took his seat at the piano and started to play the Moonlight Sonata, couples starting to sweep back onto the dancefloor and dance slowly in time with the music.  
“Smooth.” Dana smiled as Gerard pulled her onto the dancefloor, his hand in the small of her back and his other hand clasping hers. “Where’d you get a ring so fast?” Dana was looking at it closely, tipping the stone to catch the light.  
“It was my mother’s engagement ring.” Dana heard a catch in Gerard’s throat. “I kept all her jewellery, I keep it close, although it’s all glass and costume, nothing like yours-“  
“But much more precious.” Dana kissed his chest gently. “I know how much your mother meant to you.”  
“She-“ Gerard swallowed. “She did. She was my world.”  
“I know.” Dana held his hand tighter. “And Gerard… you have to start treating Mikey as an adult, not just as your kid brother that doubled as your kid. He says he’s OK playing second string to you, but… he deserves to be an equal. He’s not your kid brother any more, he’s your plain old brother. He’s earned that. And our first baby’s middle name is going to be Michael… or Michele. We’ll see.” Dana looked at him firmly. “No arguments.”  
Gerard laughed quietly. “Is this what marriage is going to be like? Your rules, no arguments?”  
“Damn straight.” Dana laughed softly and laid her head against his chest. “I love you.”  
Gerard smiled and kissed her forehead. “I love you too.”  
“So…” Dana grinned up at him. “You want to tell my mother you’re a pianist and not the Duke, or shall I?”  
Gerard frowned. “I think we wait until she’s safely back on the other side of the Atlantic and send a telegram… given it’s the bride’s family who pays for the wedding and she’ll never know I’m broke until it’s too late.”  
Dana laughed and laid her head back on his chest, stroking his shoulder with her thumb. “Sounds good to me.”


	12. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All prices are in 1956 USD value, so to get current prices multiply by 9.98.

23 July 1956

“I could have danced all night, I could have danced all night, and still have begged for more…” Gerard twirled into Dana’s suite, champagne glass still in hand.  
“You did, and you’re also drunk off your ass on free champagne.” Dana rolled her eyes and took away the champagne glass, peeled off his jacket, untying his bow tie and stripping him down to his boxer shorts.  
“Ooh, I like this…” Gerard smiled lopsidedly and pulled her onto the bed. “I… I…” He frowned, looking at the back of her dress. “How in the hell do I get this thing off?”  
Dana hid a smile. “Ask your brother.”  
Gerard’s eyes widened. “WHAT-“  
“And I didn’t take your clothes off because I’m just so hot for you right now after watching you fall over the arm of couch and then roll onto the floor, I’m taking them off so I can tuck you into bed and let you sleep it off, Drunky Drunkerson.” Dana smiled and pulled back the covers, helping him crawl between the sheets before tucking him in. “I love you.” She leaned in and kissed him gently.  
“I… I love you too…” Gerard immediately passed out, sprawled out on his back with his mouth wide open and snoring loudly.  
“Wonderful.” Dana rolled her eyes and pulled the blinds closed against the early morning sunlight, flicking off the lights. “I can’t believe he’s making his pregnant fiancee take the upper bunk…” She folded it down and climbed up the ladder, crawling under the covers. She smiled to herself. Have fun trying to get this dress off later, Gerard.

Dana woke up eight hours later to the feeling of someone kissing her cheek and snuggled happily onto her side, smiling as Gerard kissed her gently and started to stroke her hair. “Hey there. I was wondering when you’d wake up, Drunky Drunkerson.”  
“Says the girl who woke up almost an hour later.” Gerard laughed quietly, hanging on to the top rung with one hand. “I’d have let you sleep, but…” He grinned and started tracing his fingertips along her arm. “But then I got to think about all the OTHER things we could be doing…”  
Dana laughed. “Sounds like you.” She leaned forward and kissed him. “There any room on that bed down there, do you think?”  
“Hmmm…” Gerard made a big show of leaning down and looking at it carefully. “I’d say there’s probably room for both of us, but not for any clothes, I’m afraid.”  
“Oh, I’m sure that just DEVASTATES you.” Dana kissed him again. “Well, that just means you’re going to have to figure out how to take off this dress, doesn’t it?”  
Gerard crossed his arms and immediately almost fell off the ladder. “I accept this challenge.” He paused. “But I would also like to know why my brother knows.”  
“Tough, because you never will.” Dana kicked off the covers and climbed down the ladder into Gerard’s arms. “Mmmm, I’ve missed you…” She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. “Did you miss me?”  
“Of course…” Gerard felt Dana smile against his lips as he kissed her and pulled her close, unpinning each twist of her hair and unlooping the long white gold, diamond, and seed pearl chain. He stared at it, running it across his fingers. “This is beautiful, Dana…”  
“It was my grandmother’s. She wore it on her wedding day in 1920 in Naples.” Dana smiled, twisting the chain with its layers and occasional diamond star between her fingers. “And so will I, in 1956 in St Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City.”  
“And you’ll be the most beautiful bride in the world.” Tears started to run down Gerard’s face. “I can’t wait.”  
Dana grinned. “Even though I’ll be pregnant?”  
“You can wear a corset and one of your huge skirts, and we can plan it quick. No one will ever know. Heck, you already have the church, and you said you wanted the reception at the New York Public Library last night. What else is there to do?”  
Dana laughed. “Honey, you have no idea what goes into a society wedding, but don’t worry. As the groom, all you have to do is turn up in the outfit I picked for you, remind Mikey to bring the rings, and try and say the right name… Casanova.” She winked.  
Gerard smiled. “I can’t wait to marry you, Dana.”  
She smiled back and stroked his cheek. “I can’t wait to marry you either.”  
“And you’ll still be beautiful.” He raised an eyebrow. “So… not even any clues about the dress?  
“Not one.” Dana grinned and reluctantly let him go, standing in the middle of the room as Gerard examined her dress.  
“Just one little clue?” He gave her a pleading look.  
Dana grinned. “Ask your brother.”  
Gerard looked down, shamefaced. “I did, before you woke up. He wouldn’t tell me.”  
Dana nodded appreciatively. “Good man.”  
“Bastard.” Gerard was shaking his head.  
Dana made a mental note to send the Irish whiskey Cesar had sent her down to Mikey.  
“OK, I‘m guessing it’s to do with these tight zig-zig patterns at the back…” Gerard ran the tip of his finger from the top of her spine to the top of the corset, and she shivered. “But I don’t see how they open…” She could feel his breath on her back as he kissed the spot between her shoulderblades. “Not even one little clue?”  
Dana turned her head and smiled sweetly. “Not even one.”  
“Hmmm…. I think I might have to start by looking under this skirt.” Gerard grinned and dived under the dozens of layers of tulle.  
“Gerard! GERARD!” Dana burst into fits of giggles and fell over, swatting at him. “Gerard, this dress cost over $1000!”  
“$1000?! Jesus, that’s more than I make in a year…” He shrugged. “Oh, I found these down here.” A hand appeared from beneath the skirts, waving a pair of dark red and black polka dot panties in the air like a flag. “Does the brassiere match?”  
Dana examined her fingernails. “Who says there even is a brassiere?”  
“Oh. OH. Oh, Dana, come on, you’re killing me.” Gerard reappeared from beneath the skirts, a look of desperation on his face. “Dana, please, PLEASE, how do I take it off?!”  
Dana grinned. “Nice try.”  
Gerard shrugged. “Back under the skirts then I guess.” Before she could stop him he was fighting his way through the endless tulle and Dana was back on the floor, laughing hysterically.  
“Gerard. Gerard, come on, GERARD! GER-oh God…” Dana bit her lip. “Oh, oh, that feels good…”  
“Guess what? I did find something down here.” She could almost hear him grinning as he touched and stroked and rubbed her, teasing her between his fingers. “Does that feel good?”  
“Oh yes, oh yes, it does, please don’t stop…” Dana was breathing harder and harder. “Oh, please don’t stop…”  
“Will you tell me how to open your dress?” There was a definite hint of amusement in Gerard’s voice.  
Willpower, Willpower, Dana. “No, but… oh Jesus, Gerard, that’s fantastic, you feel so good…” The warm feelings of pleasure were starting to build again. “Oh, you’re so good at this…”  
“Good? I’m a professional pianist.” She heard Gerard laugh. “I’m FANTASTIC at this…”  
“Yes, yes you are…” The pleasure was starting to spread through her body. “Oh, you are…”  
“And will you tell me how to open your dress?” This time, there was a definite laugh from under her skirts.  
“Never.” Dana laughed. She suddenly felt Gerard rub her between his finger and thumb and suppressed a scream, a jolt of pleasure racing along every nerve in her body. “JESUS, Gerard!”  
There was a snort of derision from inside the dress. “‘Good’. Please.”  
“Oh Gerard…” Dana was breathing harder and harder, clinging to the carpet fibres as the feelings of pleasure grew stronger and stronger. “Oh, I love you, I love you…”  
“But will you tell me how to open your dress?”  
“No, touch me, just touch me, right there, oh…” Gerard pushed his finger inside her and she swore, a red hot rush of pleasure racing upwards. “Oh Gerard, oh God, you feel good, you always feel good, I love you, I do…”  
“I love you too, Dana.” She heard a smile in his voice.”More than anyone or anything in the world.”  
“I know, I know, I know…” Dana bit down hard. “But I’m still not telling you how to open the dress.”  
There was a curse from under the tulle and then the feelings of warmth were back filling her body, waves of pleasure growing stronger and stronger.  
“Oh, that feels SO good…” Dana let her head fall back and closed her eyes, luxuriating in it. “Oh, keep going, keep going, oh GOD…” The sensation was so intense now she could hardly bear it, filling her entire body with hot jolts of pleasure shooting upwards. “Oh Gerard, oh Gerard, oh Jesus, oh Christ, oh that feels so good…”  
“Will you tell me how to open your dress?”  
“Nooooo…” Dana sucked in a huge breath, feeling contractions of pleasure spreading out from his finger. “Oh, oh, oh, that feels so good, that feels so good, oh oh oh…” Her back started to arch, her body shaking. “Oh GERARD GERARD GERARD GERARD OH-“  
Dana’s whole body arched, shaking violently as she came, her fingers and toes curling against the soft-pile luxury carpet. “Oh… oh Gerard… oh, I love you…”  
“I love you too.” He emerged from under her skirt and kissed her gently. “I love you so much, Dana. I would do anything for you, I swear. You are my life.”  
Dana smiled softly. “You’re my life too.”  
Gerard smiled and kissed her again. “OK. I’m going to try the demon dress again. Roll on your front.”  
Dana obediently rolled over, propping her chin up on her hands as Gerard examined every inch of her back. “OK… it’s not like the first demon dress because there’s no zips or hooks or buttons or-“ She almost saw a lightbulb go off above his head. “LACES!” He started to feel around the top and bottom of the lacing, and then frowned again. “How do I UNLACE them?”  
Dana started examining her engagement ring. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”  
Gerard cursed again and started re-examining the lacing on her dress. “OK… it’s not at the top… it’s not at the bottom… it’s… it’s the middle! IT’S GOT TO BE IN THE MIDDLE!” He felt around the middle of the corset and emerged triumphant with the knot. “Oh, Dana d’Anjou, the things I’m about to do to you…”  
Dana trembled with anticipation as he unpicked the ribbon laces and slowly unlaced each grommet, kissing the bare skin beneath the lace. “Gerard, that feels so good…”  
“Mmmmm, it does?” He finally finished unlacing the corset, kissing up and down her spine and tracing his fingertips across her bare skin as she shivered with pleasure, and then discovered it was another hook skirt and swore. “Dana-“  
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” She sat up and twisted around to look at him. “And you have a MUCH better view this time.”  
“Oh, God, you’re right, I do…” Gerard crawled in front of her and kissed her passionately, kissing her jaw and her neck and kissing her breasts, smiling as she began to squirm. “Do I get a clue? Just one little clue?” He traced a finger around the edges of her breasts, leaning down and kissing them passionately. “Please?”  
She smiled. “The hooks are in spirals around my body, descending with each layer… and once you unhook each layer, you can peel it right off over my head.” She held her hands up in the air and Gerard reached to remove her skirt and then hesitated, wrapping his arms around her back and frantically kissing her breasts and neck, listening to her laugh. God, he loved her laugh. “Gerard. GERARD. Peel off over the head, remember?”  
Peel off over the head… just peel off over the head! So simple! Gerard sent up a silent prayer of thanks, until he found there was more than one layer… and then that there were over six hundred layers, starting under her ribcage, twenty layers per thin elasticated waistband, each hanging progressively lower on her hips. “Jesus Christ, how long did this take you to get on?”  
She grinned. “Ask your brother.”  
Gerard threw his hands up in the air. “AND WHAT DOES MY BROTHER HAVE TO DO WITH ALL THIS?”  
“Does it matter?” She looked at him innocently.  
“YES!”  
Dana shrugged. “Too bad.”  
Gerard swore quietly and went back to wrestling with the tulle.


	13. 13

23 July 1956

Gerard finally peeled off the last layer of tulle and Dana was standing completely naked in front of him except for her make-up, her beautiful long red hair catching hints of copper and gold in the light, and and he shook his head, grinned, and scooped her up in his arms, listening to her howl with laughter as he ran full-speed into the lowered top bunk and dropped her on the bed, knocking himself flat on his butt on the floor. “Gerard… Gerard, I am so sorry for laughing, but that was so funny…” Dana was rolling around on her back with laughter. “That was hilarious…”  
“Well, THAT” - He sat up and pointed at the upper bunk accusingly - “Is not usually there.”  
“That’s right. It’s there because a certain someone passed flat out on his ass on the main bed this morning and made his pregnant fiancee sleep on it.” Dana raised her eyebrows at him.  
“I’m sorry.” Gerard hung his head. “In my defence, if I’d tried to climb that ladder earlier, I probably would have fallen off.”  
“Probably? From the man who fell over the couch? Try definitely.” Dana rolled her eyes and held out her arms, smiling as he finally climbed Into bed with her and started to kiss her gently. “Oh… oh, I’ve been waiting for this for hours…”  
“I’m sorry, but…” He began to kiss the side of her neck. “But they kept giving us champagne, and…” He was kissing her breasts now, kissing his way towards her stomach. “And I had to drink yours too, because no one could know you were pregnant…” He stroked her still flat stomach and pressed his lips against it, resting his cheek against it as she propped herself up on her elbows and smiled, stroking his hair. “So you see, I really had no choice but to drink so much I passed out on your bed.”  
“Compelling.” Dana raised an eyebrow, then leaned down and kissed his cheek. “I love you so, so much.”  
“I love you too.” Gerard smiled and kissed her stomach, and then his lips were on hers again and he was kissing her more and more passionately, pushing off his boxer shorts and slipping his hand back down between her legs, beginning to stroke her gently with his fingers.  
“Oh, that feels good…” Dana smiled, a warm sensation of pleasure beginning to build, pushing herself more firmly against his fingers. “Harder, touch me harder…”  
“Like this?” Gerard began to move his fingers faster and harder and Dana swore quietly, pleasure spreading rapidly through her body and her hands grabbing at his hair.  
“Oh yes, like that, like that…” Dana was breathing faster and more heavily. “JUST like that…”  
“I want you to come with me inside of you, Dana,” whispered Gerard. “I love the way it feels when you do that…”  
Dana reached out for him and wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling him deep inside her as he moved his fingers faster and faster. “Oh, Gerard, that feels so good, keep going, please…” She could feel heavy jolts of pleasure shooting through her body and leaned in and kissed him hard, wrapping her arms tightly around his back. “Please, keep going…”  
Gerard smiled to himself. Like I’m going to stop. He could already feeling Dana beginning to tremble, her arms subtly tightening around his back, and he carefully began to rub and knead her, feeling every muscle in her body tense and hearing a quiet gasp escape her throat. He started to kiss her harder, pushing more deeply inside her, and Dana’s body started to shake as she breathed his name over and over, clinging to his back as the jolts of pleasure became faster and more intense. “Oh Gerard… Gerard, oh, you feel so good, that feels amazing…”  
“It does, oh yes, oh God…” Gerard pulled her closer, kissing the side of her neck. “Oh, you feel amazing, oh, oh Dana, oh…”  
“Yes, oh Gerard, oh Gerard, oh God…” Dana began to feel the intensity overwhelm her and her body pushed up against his, rapid contractions of pleasure racing outwards. “Oh… oh Gerard, GERARD-“  
Gerard heard her scream his name and felt her come beneath him, savouring the feeling of her contracting around him and of her body pushing against his, watching the look of dazed ecstasy spreading across her face. He pulled her close, whispering her name in her ear as he hugged her body tightly against his. “Dana, oh, Dana, I love you, I love you so much…”  
“I love you too.” Dana looked at him, cradling his face in her hands. “Oh, Gerard, that still feels so good…” She kissed his bare chest. “I can feel your heart.” She smiled up at him. “It’s racing.”  
“You felt fantastic, Dana. You still feel fantastic.” Gerard kissed her softly, and then more and more passionately as she wrapped her arms around his back, pressing her body against his. “Oh Dana… oh Dana, you taste amazing…”  
Dana laughed and kissed him again. “You taste like free champagne… but I’m sure just a taste won’t be bad for the baby.” She smiled softly. “Gerard, make love to me. I want you to show me how much you love me… I want to feel it.” She kissed him, pushing hard against his hips and savouring the wonderful jolts of pleasure, feeling the warmth start to spread again as he cradled her face in his hands, his forehead against hers and their lips brushing together with gentle kisses as he moved.  
“I love you, Dana…” Gerard smiled, kissing her all over her face as she laughed, the warmth of the spreading sense of pleasure beginning to intensify inside her. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for being a bastard, this baby is the greatest thing that has happened to me in my life.” He stroked her stomach. Gerard was blinking back tears, trying and failing to hide it. “I love you so much, all I want to do is make you happy… that’s all I’ve wanted from the moment we met,” He traced his fingertip the length of her body. “Since that moment in the saloon… I was so afraid you would leave me when you found I was just the pianist…” Dana felt his tears drip onto her face, mingling with her own. “And… and not some count or duke, that I wasn’t good enough for you…””  
“Never.” Dana kissed him, tears still running down her face even as jolts of intense pleasure filled her body. “I don’t want any count or duke. I just want you.” She kissed him again. “I love you, Gerard.”  
“I love you too.” He pressed his lips against her forehead and then held his forehead against hers, kissing the tears off her cheeks as her body began to tremble. “Does that feel good, Dana?”  
She smiled up at him, a glow of happiness filling her body as contractions of intense pleasure radiated upwards and outwards inside her, every part of her beginning to sing. “It feels wonderful, it feels so, so wonderful…”  
“Oh, Dana…” He started to kiss the side of her neck as her head arched backwards into the pillows, her fingernails clawing at his back and her toes wrinkling the sheets. “Oh Dana, you feel so good, you feel amazing…”  
“Gerard…” Dana’s whole body was shaking, her mind overcome by the waves of pleasure washing over her. “Oh Gerard, oh Gerard, oh Gerard, I… oh God… oh God, Gerard…” She clung to him, pushing her hips against his as hard as she could and feeling her body arch. “Gerard, Gerard, I love you so much, I do, oh God, oh Gerard, Gerard, GERARD-“  
Dana came hard beneath him, forcing his body upwards, her whole body exploding with happiness and intense physical pleasure as she screamed his name, clutchjng him as close to her as he could. A few seconds later he followed her, burying his face in the side of her neck and murmuring her name over and over as he wrapped his arms tightly around her and hugged her close, pressing every inch of his body against hers.  
“Oh Gerard… Gerard…You make me so happy, Gerard, you do…” Dana turned her face towards his and kissed him softly. “I am so happy I went to the ballroom that night… and I am so glad I went back later.” She grinned wickedly. “I have never regretted giving you my virginity on the piano, Gerard, never.” She smiled and kissed him. “It was perfect… except maybe Mikey startling us…”  
“True.” He kissed her forehead. “Dana… it was perfect. It was the most perfect experience of my life.”  
Dana stroked his face. “I’ve never told you before, Gerard, but I saw you that first morning, boarding Andrea Doria. You were wearing an open-collared scruffy white shirt and your hair was half in your face, and you were leaning out of one of the doors on the crew deck. My mother was prattling on about dukes and counts and prospects and then I saw… you. And in that second, there was no one else for me.”  
“I saw you too.” Gerard grinned. “Mikes yelled that there was the most beautiful redhead he had ever seen boarding the ship and I ran and leaned out of the crew door to see you. I only saw you for a second, but… that second was enough.” He kissed her gently and laid his forehead against hers, his thumbs stroking the side of her face and his eyes an inch from hers. “I love you, Dana. I always will.”  
“I love you too.” She smiled, wrapped her arms around his back and kissed him passionately. “I still feel you inside of me… I love feeling so close to you.”  
Gerard smiled. “I love feeling so close to you too. Making love to you, Dana… it’s wonderful. It’s not just sex, really, I swear, it’s not just the pleasure, the orgasms… although I won’t lie, those are a plus.” he grinned, and then kissed her again. “It’s the closeness, the intimacy, the confidences we share. Most girls it’s just groaning and moaning but you… we TALK. I open up. I never really open up, not even to Mikes. I’ve… I’ve never felt that before.” He sniffed and wiped his eyes, his tears dripping onto Dana’s cheeks and mixing with her own as she kissed him.  
“Gerard… just promise me it’ll always be that way. Promise me you’ll always be there for me and the baby.” Dana looked at him seriously. “Promise me you’ll never walk away, however tough things might get.”  
Gerard looked at her and stroked her face. “I promise you, Dana. I promise with my life. Please, I know I ran at first, but… please, believe me. You have to believe me. I would die for that you and that child, I would, I swear-”  
“Gerard. Gerard, I believe you.“ Dana smiled and kissed him. “I love you so, so much.”  
“I love you too.” Gerard swallowed. “Dana… Dana, the first time we made love I realised I would love you forever. I knew I would trust you so much I would share anything with you, my deepest secrets… that I would trust you above anyone and anything.”  
“That’s beautiful, Gerard.” Dana wiped his tears off his cheeks, their blended tears pooling in her loose red hair. “I knew there was a reason I loved you.”  
Gerard grinned. “So you don’t just want me for the multiple orgasms?”  
Dana smiled softly and kissed his forehead. “I’m afraid not. You’ve got me for a lifetime.” She waved her engagement ring in the air. “Lying with you like this… you make me so happy. It sounds corny, but it’s almost like making love all by itself.”  
“It is.” Gerard kissed her. “Dana… feeling you come when I’m inside you… it’s the most intimate thing in the world. It’s actually feeling the pleasure I’m giving you, and it’s seeing it on your face.” Gerard kissed her gently. “It’s why I love it so much. I love it because I love you. Your pleasure is all I want.” He smiled softly. “I will devote my life to giving you pleasure, and to making you happy, in any way I can.”  
“So will I.” Dana grinned. “Maybe one day you’ll show me how to do the same for you.”  
Gerard blinked. “Oh God, I would like that, I would like that so much…”  
Dana laughed quietly. “I bet you would.” She sighed contentedly and cradled his face in her hands, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. “I just want to stay like this with you forever.”  
Gerard kissed her gently. “Me too.” He moved his hand down to her stomach and laid his hand on it, stroking it with his thumb. “And with our baby.”


	14. 14

24 July 1956

Mikey was sitting happily on his bunk reading his comic books, reminiscing about spending the night before dancing with Dana in the saloon because it was Gerard’s night on piano, how she had laid her head on his chest and held his hand and stroked his shoulder with her thumb, and how he got to put his hand on her bare back because her dress was scooped so low, and how soft and silky and perfect her skin was, when there was a rap on the door and Dana peeked hesitantly around it and waved. “Hi Mikey. I have…” She blushed furiously. “I have to ask you a… you know, a man question.”  
Mikey’s stomach did a strange lurch. That didn’t sound like something he should be talking to his brother’s fiancee about. Then again, he did also make out with her once in a corridor and still fantasised about it constantly, so… how bad could just one question be? “OK…” He looked at her suspiciously. “What KIND of man question?”  
“Well, a… a… you know, a sex question.” Dana looked at the floor, trying to avoid eye contact.  
Bad. It can be really fucking bad. Of course. Of course it had to be a sex question. Mikey took a deep breath. “Christ. OK.”  
Dana shifted uncomfortably. How the hell do I explain this and keep my dignity? “Well… um… he likes to… uh… he likes it when… uh, one of his favourite things is when… when I come… if I come when he’s… uh… when I’m... if he's, if I'm, you know, if he's, uh, inside me, you know, in the middle of, uh, sex, so he can see my face and feel my… my, you know, well, he likes to feel my… uh… contracting around his-“  
“TMI! OH GOD, TMI!” Mikey clamped his hands over his ears, hideously aware he could never unhear the horror. “WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT?!”  
Dana crossed her arms. “Because I want to know the man version. The version where I focus entirely on giving him pleasure, without him having to do anything.” Dana was now so red she was afraid her skin would burst. “But… well, you know, they don’t really teach that in finishing school, it’s more about etiquette and dancing and marrying well, so… can you give me an idea so I can at least have a vague try?”  
“This is not happening…” Mikey had his eyes squeezed shut. “This is not happening…”  
“Mikey, I’m begging you! I don’t have anyone else to ask!” Dana looked at him desperately. “It can just be something vague, anything, please, even just a clue, I have absolutely no idea-“  
Mikey sighed in resignation, realising she was not planning on going away any time soon. “OK. Well, you think he wants to be able to look at your face, right?” Please kill me now.  
Dana nodded. “Right.”  
“OK, well…” Mikey blushed furiously. I can’t believe I’m about to say this to her. ”There’s… uh… well, I got drunk and slept with an Italian waitress once, and she was… mindblowing.” It was also the first and only time he’d gotten laid, and even then he'd been sent away in disgrace before he'd really gotten anywhere, but that was not something he was going to bring up in a hurry. “First, you take your clothes off, slowly. Draw it out, undress slowly, and don’t let him touch you. The waitress, she… she tied me to the bed.” It was so hot. I wish you’d do it to me. Hell, I wish you’d just kiss me again, just one more time… “Pick sexy clothes so it’s just even hotter as you go. Give him a nice view.” I didn’t just tell her to dress sexy for my brother. I didn’t. This isn’t happening. “Then, for the actual… bit… you can use your hands, to like… rub.” Oh God, this is not happening… please tell me this is the end of it…  
“What, like this?” Dana held up her arm and rubbed one hand tentatively up and down the side of it.  
Oh great, there’s more. “No, more like…” Mikey hesitated, then took her hands and put them on his forearm. “Wrap your hands around my arm, like you would around his… uh… his… main part. Not too tight, not like you’re trying to strangle it, but more than that. More. OK, you got it. Now you move your hands up and down, slowly, yes, like that.” He stopped. “Oh crap, I forgot to tell you before, put some of your hand cream on your hands the second before, OK? Not too much, but just enough to make your hands slick. Actually, wait. Here.” He reached under his bed and produced a clearly well-used jar of Vaseline. “This is much better. Just use a little of it. You can borrow-“ He stopped, fighting the urge to retch at the thought. “Forget it, keep it. I don’t want anything that’s been anywhere near what we’re discussing. It’d just be a horrific memento.” He swallowed uncomfortably. “Don’t START with that, I mean…” He sighed. “OK., let’s go back to the beginning. He’s tied to the bed and your clothes are off.” That may be the worst sentence I have ever said. “Start by stroking his… inner thighs, and move up towards his, uh, relevant area, and then touch him through the, you know, underwear, just gentle rubbing through them and… and touching and so on, maybe reach inside them a bit and tease and stroke the skin around the main… parts, you know, do that for a while before you take the underwear off.” No. No, I did not just use the word ‘tease’ about my brother’s crotch. Mikey was blushing furiously and praying for death. “I don’t know if he likes dirty talk AND THIS IS NOT ME ASKING. I am begging you, do NOT tell me. I pray I never know. But if he does… try it.”  
Dana nodded. “OK, and that’s when I put the Vaseline on?”  
“Uh, no, you…” Mikey, just tell her to grab it and go. “First, you can kind of trail your fingers across it, you know, the main part, what he uses to make you feel good, trail your fingers real light, up and down both sides, and stroke his, uh, thighs again, and fondle the… other two things he has down there, and when you’re trailing your fingertips up and down his… well, what he uses to make you feel good, there’s this rough bit of skin behind it… stroke that too, and rub hard on it when you’re doing the main show.”  
Dana had produced a notebook and was jotting copious notes. “Anything I should do especially?”  
“Well, when you’re doing the light stroking, you’re going to want to, uh, regularly visit the… oh Christ, the head, the purple thing at the top, and just underneath that on the underside when the main part is… ‘up’ is something that feels kind of like a piece of string. Trace your fingertips over it and stroke it up and down with just the one finger, but super, super gentle, or it’ll hurt like hell. You could also… uh… lick it.” Mikey shifted uncomfortably. Christ. This was easily the most awkward moment in his life. He mentally cursed himself. Great. I just told the love of my life where to lick my brother’s junk. “OK, now you put some Vaseline on your hands.”  
“This much?” Dana held up a glob.  
“No, a little less. Yes, that’ll do it.” Mikey wasn’t sure he’d ever stop blushing. “Now rub your hands together so it’s all over your palms. OK, yes, just like that. Now put your hands like they were before.” Dana put her hands back around his arm and suddenly Mikey was very glad his comic books were in his lap, and half-wishing he’d volunteered to let her practice on him for real. “Right. Now, kind of move both hands up and down, just the main bit, not the head, real slow at first but then getting faster as he gets more… oh Christ. As he gets more excited. I can’t believe I just said that. I can’t believe I’m teaching you how to get my brother off. OK. While you’re moving your hands, move one clockwise, and one anticlockwise, and the faster you do that the better it feels. Don’t worry if both hands don’t fit-“  
Dana grinned. “Oh, they will.”  
Ew. Mikey suppressed a shudder. I did not need to know about the prodigious size of my brother’s junk. “Try it on my arm. Yeah, like that, but faster on the rotation and slower on the up and down, then speed up the up and down as he… you know, I’m done dodging it. Move your hands up and down faster and faster the more and more excited he gets, and sometimes use one hand to rub hard on that rough bit of skin I told you about. Keep rotating the other hand as fast as you can. Yes, that’s the speed you want. OK, now there is one other thing I’m going to tell you about. As well as using one hand to rub the rough bit sometimes, you can use one hand to play with the… with the head.”  
Dana nodded and took one hand off Mikey’s arm to scribble more notes. “And how do I play with it?”  
Oh God. “You… OK, keep your fingers kind of loose and run your fingertips back and forth around it, or use just the one finger to trace small circles around the tip. You can also… you can also use your tongue to… lick it.” Mikey cringed. Why? Why is this my life? Why am I planning my brother’s handjobs? The handjobs he’ll get from the girl I love so much I die inside every time I see her?  
“OK.” Dana scribbled it down. “And I move my hands up and down while I’m twisting them?”  
“Yes, EXCEPT when he starts to… um…” I cannot say this. I cannot say this. “OK, when he’s getting towards reaching… reaching… reaching the moment of… um… maximum happiness, stop twisting, move your hands upwards ONLY, and keep a consistent rhythm, using both hands, really fast over and over and over. At - oh Christ, this is not happening to me - maximum happiness time, loosen your grip because everything’s super sensitive, but keep going. Don’t stop until there’s no more coming out.”  
Dana stared at him, looking confused. “Until there’s no more what coming out?”  
Oh Christ. Mikey mentally buried his head in his hands. She really is innocent. “OK, men have… well, we have much less tidy orgasms than women. Women keep everything nice and clean. We shoot stuff everywhere, the same stuff that’s why you’re pregnant, and even after the initial… eruption… some keeps on coming, no pun intended, so don’t stop moving your hands until a few seconds after there’s no more, then just slow to a stop.”  
“That’s what that is?” Dana looked amazed. “I mean, I noticed it, like, in my underwear and stuff, but I thought it was something I was making-“  
“Nope. All him. Also, unless you want that stuff on you, point the head away from you.” Mikey looked at her desperately. “OK? Can I stop now?”  
“And that’s what men like?” Dana was looking at him searchingly.  
“Trust me, that’s what men LOVE.” Mikey grinned, then blushed an even deeper shade of red as he realised how much he was actually envying his brother. I can’t believe I just described how to give the perfect handjob to my brother’s fiancee. The fiancee I love so much that I’d die for her. I saw her first. It was me who pointed her out to him. I should have been playing the piano in her class. She kissed me once. She must love me at least a little bit. In a just world, it would be ME getting that handjob, ME getting to marry her, MY child she-  
“Thanks, Mikes.” Dana put down her notebook and kissed him on the cheek. “Oh, and Mikey?”  
Great. More horror. He looked at her. “Yes?”  
“Thanks for not trying it on with me.” Dana smiled, leaned in, and kissed him gently. “I really appreciate it.”  
“That…” Mikey was trying to get his brain unscrambled. “That’s OK.” Please kiss me again. I love you. I love you so much that sometimes I want to die. “I’d never do that.”  
“I know, you’re a sweetheart, but thank you.” She grinned. “I’ll leave you alone now for some… private time.” She slapped a glob of Vaseline from the tub onto the table and left the room with the tub and her notebook, giggling madly as Mikey silently cursed his comics for failing to hide his ‘personal issue’.


	15. 15

24 July 1956

Dana went back to her cabin and found Gerard curled up asleep on the couch in the living room after working all night in the ballroom and she smiled and kissed him gently on the cheek, then crept into the bedroom and set about picking out an outfit. Definitely something that she could take off herself, and slowly… She took off her plain brassiere and panties and pulled out a dark red lace front-lacing underwired push-up bustier and matching underwear which tied at the sides.She found a pair of black lace-trimmed stockings and clipped them to the garters attached to the bustier, then piled her hair high on her head and clipped it in place with a large dark red rose clip. She looked in her closet and pulled out a black silk robe with dark red and gold dragonfly embroidery, tying it in front and putting on a pair of black high heels. She sat in front of the mirror and applied dark eyeshadow and mascara, with lipstick that matched her bustier, and tied on a heart-shaped 50 carat dark almandine garnet necklace strung with a chain of 10 carat clear diamonds, the garnet surrounded by 3 carat diamonds, and then pinned on matching studs. She looked in the mirror and smiled, walking over to lock the cabin door and standing in front of Gerard, kneeling down to kiss him passionately. He smiled and opened his eyes, and then sat up with a start. “JESUS!”  
Dana smiled and bit her lip. “I went and learned something today, Gerard…”  
“…Bedroom. Bedroom, NOW!” Gerard staggered to his feet and scooped her into his arms, carrying her to the bed. “Oh Dana, I-“  
Dana put her finger over his mouth. “I am about to lick you ALL OVER.” She pulled two silk curtain ties from beneath a pillow. “And you will not be allowed to touch me at ALL.” She grinned, ripped off his shirt and tied each hand to a post of the four poster bed.  
A look of panic entered Gerard’s eyes. “Wait, I need to get Mikey to cover piano-“  
“Oh, he knows.” Dana began to kiss the side of his neck.  
“Wait, HOW does he know?” There was a look of horror on Gerard’s face.  
“I said I had something special planned,” lied Dana smoothly, and Gerard visibly relaxed as she pulled off his shoes and socks, slowly pulling down his suit pants. “Wait till you see what I have now.”  
She climbed up on her knees and slowly untied her robe, letting it fall to the bed as Gerard’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “JESUS, Dana…”  
Dana smiled and slowly extended each leg straight up over her head, unbuckling the shoes and slowly removing her stockings. Gerard was desperately trying to pull free of the curtain ties as she crawled forward and kissed him passionately, her breasts clearly visible inside the bustier.  
She smiled, moved back to the end of the bed, and slowly untied her the bows tying her bustier closed, letting her breasts fall loose and revealing her abdomen. Gerard made a longing noise in his throat, and then she raised her eyebrow and tugged on the bow at the side of her panties, letting them fall to the bed with a smile as she leaned up and unclipped her hair, loose red waves falling almost to her waist.  
“Oh God, Dana…” Gerard’s mouth was hanging open. “Where did you learn-“  
“Quiet, my love.” Dana crawled forward and kissed him passionately, stroking the side of his face, and then kissed the side of his neck, kissing his entire body before finally laying one hand on his boxer shorts, stroking and fondling through the fabric.  
Gerard swore, pulling forward against the ties as she slipped her hand inside and stroked the skin inside, kissing his inner thighs and playing with him through the fabric. “Dana, PLEASE!”  
She smiled and pulled down his underwear, gently tracing her fingertips and up and down, repeatedly stroking the parts Mikey had told her about, leaning down to kiss the tip. Gerard screamed and bucked upwards as she began to rub the area behind the base, and then she pulled a tub of vaseline from under the pillow and scooped out a small glob, rubbing it between her hands and immediately grasping the shaft in both hands, moving them slowly up and down as she rotated them rapidly, timing her speed with the speed of his breathing, occasionally stroking the fingertips of one hand across the head or rubbing the area behind the base hard, listening to him yelling her name. She felt his body start to tremble and immediately moved to one side, remembering what Mikey had told her, moving her hands in upward rhythmic strokes until he came with a loud scream, looking into her eyes, his whole body convulsing as she loosened her grip but kept moving as he panted for breath, slowly coming to a stop and giving him a smile, biting her lip. “Did you enjoy that?”  
“Oh God… oh God, Dana…” Gerard could hardly catch his breath. “I don’t know where you learned that, but… untie me and I’ll repay you a hundred times over.”  
Dana grinned and crawled across him to untie his hands and his arms were immediately around her, holding her close as he kissed her passionately. “Oh Dana… oh Dana… Oh Dana…”  
“I know what you mean about watching my face when I come now, Gerard.” Dana kissed him, pushing herself against hist fingers as he began to touch her, stroking and kneading and tweaking her as warm sensations of pleasure began to pulse through her body. “It was so intimate…”  
”I love you, Dana.” Gerard began to move his fingers faster and Dana felt the warmth spread faster, the pulses of pleasure intensifying. “I love you so, so much.”  
“Oh God, I love you too…” Dana pulled him close and kissed him passionately, her body filled with warmth and strong pulses of pleasure spreading upwards. Gerard slipped a finger inside her and she cried out, contractions of pleasure radiating upwards and outwards and the pulses becoming more and more intense.  
“Tell me how good that feels, Dana.” Gerard was grinning at her. “Tell me how wonderful you feel.”  
“I feel… oh, I feel so good, I feel this kind of warm pleasure spreading through me, getting more intense, and I feel… I still feel so turned on from before, it was so hot… I nearly came, so I’m almost there…” She leaned in and kissed his ear. “I feel like I want to come with you inside of me, Gerard…” Dana kissed him. “I feel like I want to make you so, so happy…”  
“Oh God, Dana…” Gerard slipped out his finger, leaned down and kissed her hard, moving forward and pushing inside her, the intensity of the contractions of pleasure radiating outwards so intense she could barely breathe. “You’re perfect…”  
“Oh Gerard…” Dana wrapped her arms around his back, pulling him close. “Oh, you feel so good…” The feelings of pleasure were almost overwhelming her, heavy jolts of pleasure shooting upwards faster and faster. “Oh Gerard… oh, I… I… oh God…” Her body began to shake and he leaned down and kissed her passionately, his eyes on hers. “Oh… oh, that feels so good, that feels so, good, I… I…” The contractions of pleasure were pushing upwards, the heavy jolts overcoming her. “Oh, I… I… oh Gerard, oh oh oh OH-“  
She came hard, screaming his name as he clutched her body against his, then collapsed exhausted on the bed, smiling dazedly up at him. “Oh, Gerard, more, more…”  
“Oh yes.” Gerard grinned and kissed her, stroking and kneading her with his fingers as he kept pushing inside her, savouring her pleasure. He could still feel her ebbing convulsions inside him, see the smile on her face, and he laid his forehead against hers, brushing gentle kisses against her lips as he moved, cradling her face in his hands. “Oh Dana, I love you for doing that, I love you for learning to do that just for me, I love that you would push yourself like that even though when we met you were one of the most innocent girls I had ever met…”  
“Well, I had to learn something to give you the pleasure I wanted you to have…” Dana smiled, pleasure beginning to spread upwards through her body. “After I have the baby, we can’t have sex for at least six weeks.”  
“Six weeks is nothing.” Gerard kissed her passionately. “For you, I would go without forever.” He raised an eyebrow. “Can I still pleasure you?”  
Dana laughed. “Probably not at first, but… I’ll ask my OB-GYN when I get one.” She thought about it. “You know, I haven’t been back to America since I was five. We went there to escape the war, and then… my mother needed to be nobility, I guess. In Italy, we didn’t have the curse of ‘new money’.” She rolled her eyes. “Screw being a d’Anjou. I’ll be a Way the second I can.” She felt the first jolt of pleasure and almost swore, her toes curling. “I can’t believe I met you on a trip I… I never wanted to take - oh, that feels wonderful, oh God… I begged my mother to take me on… on one of the new TWA Constellation airliners and ship our possessions, I wanted… oh God, Gerard… I wanted to fly, but she… oh God… she was too afraid of flying. I sulked for weeks when… when she booked passage on the Andrea Doria but - oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Lord, that feels so good…” She stroked his face, kissing him gently and breathing hard. “Now I thank God every… every day that we took this boat on this day… maybe if the baby is a girl, we should name her Andrea.”  
“Helena,” said Gerard firmly. “My grandmother. I loved her more than anything, and not being there when she died still haunts me.” He began to tear up and silently swore.  
“Helena. That’s a beautiful name.” Dana was breathing faster and faster, jolts of pleasure coming hard and fast as he pushed deeper and deeper inside her. “It’s perfect.”  
Gerard smiled and kissed her, his forehead on hers. “That’s because her mother is perfect.”  
“I can’t wait to meet her… or him.” She grinned. “Want to run yet?”  
Gerard smiled, tightening his arms around her as her body started to tremble. “Never. Yours for life, remember?”  
“Yours for life.” Dana smiled, her breath catching and hitching as waves of pleasure washed over, beginning to overcome her. “Oh Gerard, tell me you’re close…”  
“Are you kidding? I’ve been forcing myself to think of baseball for an age.” Gerard grinned.  
Dana frowned. “Baseball?”  
“American sport. Hugely unsexy.” Gerard kissed her, stroking her face.  
“Oh thank God, oh Gerard, I think I’m going to come…” Dana’s body was shaking and she wrapped her arms around his back to hold him close as he kissed her passionately, hugging her and pressing every inch of his body against hers. “Oh Gerard, oh Gerard, oh, oh I love you, I do, oh oh Gerard hold me close oh oh OH-  
Dana came hard, pressing against Gerard’s body as he held her close, kissing her passionately as he came himself a split second later, both of them collapsing on the bed, gasping for breath.  
“Oh Dana… oh Dana, you make me so happy…” Gerard kissed her gently. “Thank you for being with me, thank you for loving me, thank you for giving me our child…”  
“You make me happy too.” Dana kissed him gently. “You make me happier than I’ve ever been… I want to be with you forever.”  
“Lucky day for you then, because you are.” Gerard smiled and stroked her face. “Any more plans I should know about?”  
“Not exactly, but…” Dana grinned. “As of last night, once we dock in New York, I’m going to Kleinfeld with my mother. She’s decided on bridesmaids and telegraphed a bunch of cousins. Some are hot and single, so Mikey ought to have a decent chance to score.” She laughed.  
Gerard frowned. “Kleinfeld?”  
“It’s THE place for weddings. I can get the best stuff there, for all of us, and I already telegraphed ahead for our venues BUT… it means you have to come in one day with Mikey to get felt up by the tailor for your measurements, because they tailor-make everything.” She kissed him. “Ready to run yet?”  
He smiled. “Never.” He frowned. “One question.”  
She kissed him. “Anything.”  
“Why do you have my brother’s secret pot of Vaseline?”


	16. 16

24th July 1956

“I love that you wore that same almandine jewellery to the dance tonight…” Gerard kissed her cheek. “You look so sexy, especially in that clingy black silk dress… I can’t wait to take it off you later…”  
“Gerard…” said Dana reproachfully, ignoring the pleasure that was growing inside her at the thought. “Someone will hear…”  
“Miss d’Anjou, I hear you’re engaged!” The hundredth woman that night came up to them. “Oh, and isn’t he handsome… let me see the ring!”  
Dana held up the ring, seeing the hundredth woman that night recoil at the single-carat diamond. “It was his mother’s.”  
The woman looked at it as if it was made of a cockroach. “Oh… how… romantic. Excuse me.”  
She scuttled off, and Dana felt Gerard start to bristle. Uh oh. Best give him a chance to cool off. “Oh, Gerard, my love, I left my evening wrap in the cabin, can you go get it?”  
“Sure.” Gerard smiled and kissed her gently as she handed him the key. “Be right back.”  
“Impressive.” Mikey shook his head. “Not even married yet and you’ve already got him well trained.” He grinned.  
“Shouldn’t you be playing piano?” Dana gave him a disapproving look, but with the hints of a smile twitching at the edge of her mouth.  
“15 minute break.” Mikey grinned. “You look stunning, Dana.”  
Dana blushed. “Thank you.”  
“Hey, Dana.” Gerard was back and she smiled and turned to kiss him, only for him to shove her away.  
Dana stared at her. “Gerard, what-“  
“Dana, I have a question for you.” Gerard threw a handful of the cabin invitation cards she had received from various suitors on the ground, waving the Prince’s cards in her face. “When I was looking for your wrap, I saw these in your trash. I had a quick look. Some were sent YESTERDAY. Apparently, you saw some prince TWICE, so if you’d care to tell me why you have them-“  
Dana’s mouth fell open.“No, Gerard, you don’t understand, it’s not what you think, I’ll fetch his manservant Cesar, he’ll tell you-“  
“I don’t understand? OK, then please explain it to me, Dana.” Gerard stood with his arms crossed, trying to look angry but with tears in his eyes. “Here I am, making love to you so often my poor brother has permanent back pain from sleeping in the corridor, and here you are, going on dates!”  
Dana shook her head. “No, no, I didn’t go to most of them, and they’re not dates, Gerard, I promise, they’re… they’re, like, private meetings to discuss courtship, you learn about them at finishing school-“  
“Well, this poor fool didn’t GO to finishing school because this poor fool isn’t rich!” Gerard was starting to look genuinely angry. “I didn’t even finish eighth grade because I was raising my brother, so, please, enlighten me about these ‘meetings’, Miss d’Anjou.”  
Dana took a deep breath. “I… if someone is interested they send you those invitations, and it’s not a date, it’s just talking, like an expression of interest, and sometimes his family is so rich or powerful that if I said no then word would spread and people would have asked questions and…”  
She looked at him and tried to take his hand, but he snatched it away. “I can never give you what they can, Dana, and this feels like you just rubbing it in.”  
Mikey stepped in. “Come on, Gerard, grow up. I’ve seen those card things before when they end up in the trash. They’re not dates. They’re just introductions. She adores you. How the hell do you not see that?”  
A girl Dana’s age spoke up. “It’s true. I get them all the time. I only go to be polite, and all you do is talk.”  
Gerard ignored her and stared at Dana. “Have you ever kissed any of them?”  
Dana looked at him desperately. “Gerard, PLEASE-“  
“HAVE YOU EVER KISSED ANY OF THEM?”  
Dana crossed her arms and looked him in the eye. “Once.”  
Gerard recoiled in disgust. “Here I am, the poor sap who thinks you want to marry him, and the whole time you’re still shopping for rich men who can give you the money and titles you really want?”  
Dana shook her head. “No, no, Gerard, he kissed me, I don’t want titles, I don’t money, I want you, I swear-“  
“You didn’t stop it though, did you? Did you?” Dana bit her lip and looked at her feet as a crowd began to gather. “No, I thought not.”  
Dana started to cry. “Gerard, I let it go on for a couple of seconds, I swear, it was only a couple of seconds, and then I pushed him away, I told him I didn’t want him-“  
“Sure you did. And then you made another date.” He turned to leave and Dana grabbed his shoulder.  
“Gerard, I never made another date with him. Hell, I never made any dates at all, they were all sent to me. That was the last time I even went near him. Gerard, I had to go to them. How many times have I told you I loved you? When we were… together, do you really think I could have faked that kind of love, that kind of passion? I learned how to… touch you so I could make you happy, isn’t that enough to show how much I love you? Do you really believe I could fake all that?”  
Gerard’s voice was cold. “Five minutes ago I would have said no, Dana, but now I have no idea what you’re capable of.”  
Dana’s voice was very small. “The Prince. I didn’t mean any of it. I love you. I only ever intended it to be a cover for you and me, I swear. If my mother had found out, she… she would have stopped us seeing each other, we never would have seen each other again, and I couldn’t bear that-”  
“You swear You SWEAR.” Gerard snorted. “I suppose you’re also going to swear that baby in there is really mine rather than some rich guy who’s thrown you over and left you pregnant and desperate?”  
There was a collective gasp from the crowd and an excited murmur filled the room.  
“GERARD!” Dana started to cry harder. “It’s your baby, it’s yours, you know it’s yours, I promise you, you’re the only man I slept with, the only man I’ve ever been with, you saw the blood yourself-“  
“Yeah, but who’s to say you didn’t go fuck someone else after that?” Gerard spat on the floor in disgust. “You definitely had a new trick in bed earlier.”  
“GERARD, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, I TAUGHT HER THAT!” Mikey slammed his hand on a side table, knocking over and breaking a vase. “I told her every single awkward detail, using my forearm in place of your dick by the way before you accuse her of screwing me, and I did it because she loves you so much she just wants to make you happy!” He took a step forward and looked his brother in the eye. “Do NOT throw this away over some stupid misunderstanding, Gerard, because that is all this is. She loves you. She has only ever loved you. Any idiot could see that.”  
Dana nodded desperately. “Yes, you see, Gerard, I only told you about the kiss so there’d be no secrets between us-“  
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m sure there are a thousand others you’ve got.” He pointed at her finger. “Give me back the ring.”  
The crowd gasped again and the volume of the collective murmuring increased.  
“Gerard, do not do this,” said Mikey under his breath.  
Dana bit her lip, tears streaming down her face. “Gerard, please, you’re all I’ll ever want-“  
Gerard looked at her coldly. “Give me back my mother’s ring, you whore.”  
Dana gasped as if he’d slapped her. “Gerard, you don’t mean that.”  
“I do.” Gerard held out his hand. “Now give me my ring.”  
Dana looked down, sobbing as if her world had ended, and wrenched the ring off her finger, throwing it into his palm as she shoved past him and fled to her cabin.  
“What you have just done, Gerard,” said his brother through gritted teeth, “is made the biggest mistake of your life.”

“Dana?” Mikey knocked on the door of her cabin after his shift ended. “Dana, are you OK?”  
“GO AWAY!” He could hear her sobbing through the door.  
“Dana, is the door locked?” Mikey put his ear against the door.  
There was a silence, and then a muttered “shit.”  
“I’m coming in.” Mikey opened the door and found her curled up on her bed in her nightgown and robe, sobbing so hard that she could barely breathe. “Oh, Dana…” He sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked her hair soothingly. “He’s an idiot. I told him he’s an idiot. Three other girls told him he was an idiot and showed him that they had a bunch of invitations too. Another one slapped him and told him he was an asshole. He’ll realise he’s an idiot soon enough.”  
“No, no, he won’t, he’ll leave me!” Dana sat up and buried her face in his chest. “We’ll disembark in New York in two days, and… and… and he’ll just stay on the boat and go back without me!”  
“Dana, he won’t.” Mikey hesitantly put his arms around her and started to stroke her back. “He loves you. Before he moved in here with you, all he talked about in our cabin was you. He lay on his back on his bed and stared at the ceiling, talking about how much he loved you. It got to be a real pain in the ass. He can’t live without you, Dana. I swear, he’ll come back.” He kissed the top of her head and hugged her tighter. “You’ll get to New York and get married and have your baby and live happily ever after.” Mikey felt a sharp pang of pain at the thought of losing her forever to a man who had treated her so awfully over something so stupid.  
Dana looked up at him and smiled. “You’ve always been so kind to me, Mikey.”  
Mikey blinked in surprise. “Why wouldn’t I be? You’re the sweetest, most generous person I know.”  
“I wish I’d never met your brother. All he does is cause me pain.” She looked down and laid her head on his chest, wrapping her arms around his back.  
Mikey sighed. “That’s not true, Dana. He loves you, and you love him. He has made you happy, and he does make you happy, you just can’t think about those times right now. All he talks about is how happy you make him, and this morning you actually made me demonstrate how to… pleasure him, because he put so much effort into pleasuring you. You’ve just hit a rough spot.”  
Dana stared at him. “He publicly broke off our engagement and announced I was pregnant to an entire ballroom of socialites!”  
“OK, so it is maybe a bit more than just a rough spot… but it’ll be OK. I promise. My brother loves you, and he will come back to you, Dana, I promise, he just needs to work out his own little selfish issues first.” He hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead, then sat up. “You’ll get off in New York, and you’ll get married, and you’ll raise your baby together.” He smiled, hiding a sharp aching pain. “And if he doesn’t, you don’t have to be afraid of being a single mother. I’ll marry you, and I will devote my entire life to making you happy.”  
Dana smiled, putting her arm around his waist. “You know, you’re the only person who’s been consistently nice to me.” She laid her head on his shoulder and he turned his head and kissed her forehead. “Thank you.”  
“Everything will be OK, Dana.” Mikey kissed her again. “Now, I’m going to go and sit in the living room while you put some real clothes on, and then we’ll go down to my cabin. I bet he’s sulking in there like a petulant child.”  
Dana laughed. “Probably.” She looked up at him pleadingly. “Mikey… please don’t ever leave me.”  
“I won’t, I promise you.” Mikey hugged her and kissed her forehead. “I won’t.”

Gerard wasn’t in his cabin, but his art book was… lying on the bed next to his music satchel.  
“He… he takes that satchel everywhere.” Dana stared at it, a cold feeling in her gut. “Something’s wrong, Mikey. He wouldn’t just leave it.”  
“I know.” Mikey grabbed the art book and flipped through it, then blushed furiously. “Yeah, um, some of these are probably only for you.” He handed it to her and Dana began to flick through it. It started with random studies, images of the ship; of passengers dancing to his music; of his brother sleeping, glasses half-fallen off his face and an open comic in his lap… and then there was her. Sketches of her dancing, sleeping, smiling; her face as she came, her face as she read, her face as she daydreamed or thought; how she looked in her ballgowns; how she had looked that day in her bustier and stockings; her naked as she lay in bed smiling at him; her sleeping on her back with her hair loose around her face, her arm draped across her belly, her engagement ring visible on her hand; her pinning up her hair or putting on her makeup to go out… and how she looked that first time they met at the piano, the line of her body, long slim legs, poise, and the arch of her foot he had found so becoming, him sitting there with that wicked look on his face. Dana began to cry and carefully moved the book away, careful not to smudge it… and then her heart went cold as she reached the last pages. On one was a detailed sketch of her in sienna red pencil wearing the white gold chain woven in her hair that Gerard loved so much, smiling softly, her lips full and her eyes glancing upwards through her long eyelashes. She was wearing the gown she wore the first night they met, along with the jewellery that matched the chain. It was signed and dated 24 July 1956.

The opposite page had song lyrics and music manuscript written on… lyrics that made her want to throw up with fear.

And without you is how I disappear,  
And end my time alone forever now.  
And without you is how I disappear,  
And end my time alone forever now.

Can you hear me cry out to you?  
Words I thought I'd choke on figure out.  
I'm really not so with you anymore.  
I'm just a ghost.  
So, I can't hurt you anymore.  
So, I can't hurt you anymore.

And without you is how I disappear,  
And without you is how I disappear,  
And without you is how I disappear.  
And without you is how, is how, is how...  
Forever, forever now…

Her engagement ring was taped below it, with three lines on scrawled music manuscript beneath it…

Saints protect her now   
Come angels of the lord,   
Come angels of unknown.

… and a single sentence in his awkward printed script:

Dana, you’re perfect. I love you. Please forgive me. 

G xxx

“Oh fuck.” Mikey had gone ghostly white. “We have to search the ship right now, you start on upper class-“  
“Stay here.” Dana put the ring in the satchel with the art book and swung it over her shoulder, wrinkling her loose empire-line green dress, and headed out the door. “I know exactly where he’d go, and he’ll want me to come alone if… if he’s… if he’s still there.” She walked purposefully down the corridor towards the elevators, tears streaming down her face.


	17. 17

25 July 1956

Dana was running through the enclosed tourist class promenade towards the stern, holding the skirt of her dress up so it didn’t trip her, the satchel banging against her thigh. Her shoes were lying on the floor somewhere further back down the ship after she kicked them off because they were slowing her down, and now her feet were freezing cold and almost black on the bottom from dirt ingrained in the wooden planks. She shivered, freezing cold now that she was exposed to the cold North Atlantic air from the unglazed windows in just a simple dress, panting great mists of vapour as she pushed herself to keep running, her lungs burning. He has to be there, he has to be there, he has to be there, he has to be there… She bit her lip and kept running. He has to be there, he has to be there, he has to be there…

He was there. Or, at least, someone in a suit was, standing alone up on the stern of the Upper Deck at just past one in the morning. “Gerard?” She took a few steps forward, her voice trembling. “It’s Dana.”  
Gerard didn’t turn around. “Did you like my new song?” She could hear tears in his voice, then realised with a start he was on the wrong side of the rails. She started to cry harder. “Gerard, please don’t-“  
“I came here to jump, Dana.”  
Dana swallowed, tears running down her face. “I know.”  
“I knew I’d never be good enough for you. I always knew. I think I was just kidding myself.” Gerard was still staring out at the sea. “I love you, I know I can’t live without you, but I also know I can’t give you the life you want.”  
Dana took a few more steps forward. “Gerard, please get back over-“  
“And you were gone. I’d ruined everything. I had nothing left.” She heard him start to cry. “So I drew you as I see you in my mind, I left my book, and I came up here to jump. I didn’t want to keep going without you.”  
Dana didn’t dare get any closer. “Gerard, please, get back over, you could fall-“  
He laughed bitterly. “Isn’t that generally the idea when you climb over the rail of a ship?”  
“Gerard, please. I need you. Mikey needs you. Even if you don’t want the baby-“  
“I do.” His voice was shaking. “I do want the baby.”  
“Well, Gerard-“  
“Can… can you come up here?”   
Dana edged forwards, making sure not to startle him. “It’s OK, Gerard, everything’s going to be OK…”  
“You don’t know that.” Gerard was looking down again. “These rails are pretty icy.”  
“You’re shivering.” Dana finally reached the rail. “How long have you been out here?”  
He shrugged. “A couple of hours.”  
“So…” Dana bit her lip hesitantly and laid her head lightly on the small of his back as he shook from the cold and from crying, her hands on his waist. “If you’ve been out here this long… why didn’t you jump?”  
“I-“ He turned his head for the first time, looked down at her, and smiled, tears running down his face. “I wanted to see the baby.”  
Dana started to cry harder. “It is your baby, Gerard, I swear-“  
“I know. I know it is.” He swallowed. “Dana, be honest with me. Look me in the eye and tell me: Do you still love me?”  
Dana didn’t hesitate. “More than anyone or anything.”   
He nodded, but didn’t take his eyes off hers.“Can you ever, ever, truly forgive me?”  
Dana smiled. “Yes.”  
Gerard bit his lip and started to cry harder. “Will you… will you still marry me?”  
Dana smiled softly and leaned down to kiss his hand as he gripped the rail. “Of course I will.”  
“I love you, Dana.” He took a deep breath and slowly, carefully climbed back over the rail, his hand held tightly in hers, and then smiled and kissed her gently, draping his jacket around her shoulders and hugging her tightly against his chest. “Oh, Dana, my love, you must be so cold…” He kissed her forehead and hugged her tighter. “I… I just couldn’t get back over otherwise because I… I knew I couldn’t have lived without you.” He kissed her again. “I was just being… I was just being an asshole before, Dana, I didn’t understand, I know what those invitations mean now, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I should have let you explain before losing my temper, I was jealous and I’ve always been afraid I’m not good enough for you, and I was an asshole…”  
“You were, but luckily for you, I still love you.” She pulled him down by his shirt collar and kissed him. “Plus, we’ve already paid a LOT of very expensive nonrefundable deposits…”  
Gerard laughed quietly. “I missed you.” He hugged her tighter and started to stroke her hair.  
“I missed you too, Gerard, I was so worried, I thought… I thought you were dead, as soon as we found that book…” She buried her face in his chest and started to sob harder. “Gerard, you could have died, and I’d never have known what happened, just that you were gone…”  
“How did you know I was here?” Gerard looked down at her.  
Dana stroked his face. “Because you told me once that you like to come here to look at the sea, and because of what Mikey went through as a little kid with your mother’s body I knew you’d never want to put me or your brother through… identifying… anything, so of course you’d be here.” She looked down. “I was just afraid that… that I’d be too late.”  
“You know me so well.” Gerard shook his head and kissed her forehead, hugging her close and stroking her hair as he kissed her gently, then more and more passionately, Dana’s arms wrapped tight around his shoulders and his around her waist. He moved one hand to the back of her head, cradling it carefully as he lowered her onto the deck. “Oh, Dana, I love you, I love you so much…”  
“I love you too…” Dana cradled his face in her hands, kissing him again and again as if she couldn’t believe he was actually there. “I do, I really do, never do that to me again, Gerard, I can’t go through that again-“  
“I won’t.” He kissed her again, stroking the side of her face. “I won’t, I promise.”  
“No, not just leaving me, please, don’t ever try to hurt yourself, think of your brother, your baby-“  
“Dana.” He kissed her deeply. “I will never leave you, or the baby, in any way ever again. I love you so much…” He buried his face in her hair and started to cry again. “I love you so much, please tell me you forgive me, I’m begging you…” He was kissing her more and more frantically and passionately, his hand stroking the side of her face. “I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I ever put you through this, I’ll never do it again…”  
“I forgive you, I forgive you, you bastard, I forgive you…” Dana could barely get the words out between kisses as she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, pulling his body against hers. “Oh God, I thought I’d lost you forever…”  
“You haven’t…” Gerard’s hands were lifting the front of her skirts and pulling down her panties, tossing them over the rail. “Oops. Look what I did.”  
“Oh no. How terrible…” Dana watching him suck the saltwater off his fingers and began to squirm with anticipation, feeling him finally slip his fingers down between her legs and move his fingers expertly and urgently, stroking and kneading and rubbing.  
“Tell me, Dana…” Gerard kissed her ear. “Tell me how good this feels…”  
“Oh, Gerard, it feels so good, there’s this… this warmth, this happiness, my whole body, it feels… oh God, it feels so good, there’s a wonderful feeling growing from where you’re touching me…” A smile was breaking across her face. “Oh, the happiness, it’s getting more intense, the warmth is spreading, it’s everywhere, Gerard, it’s everywhere, my whole body is filling with this warmth, but that feeling… Gerard, it’s like waves, it’s like pulses, they’re radiating up through me, they’re just getting…” Dana’s breathing was getting heavier and heavier. “They’re just getting stronger and stronger the faster and faster you move your fingers, oh, OH-“ Dana felt Gerard push a finger inside her and swore quietly. “Oh God, oh Gerard, there are these… powerful, powerful contractions of pleasure shooting outwards from your finger, and like a hot rush of pleasure shooting upwards, the warmth is everywhere now, it’s everywhere, I feel this sense of… of euphoria…” Dana’s eyes were shining and she had a dazed smile on her face, her breath hitching and catching. “Oh… I feel, I feel these strong beats of pleasure moving… they’re moving up, Gerard, more intense OH GOD-“ Gerard had pushed another finger inside her. “Oh… oh the… the radiating pleasure, Gerard… Gerard, it’s like heaven… it’s stronger than… all the others, it… it makes me feel so good… I have these powerful feelings, they’re… they’re pounding through me, oh God…” She sucked in a deep, shuddering breath. “The pulses are so… so strong, oh Christ… I feel like… I feel like they’re taking over my body, my whole body is… I’m just being overcome by them, stronger and stronger and stronger, oh, oh Gerard, it’s so good, it’s so amazing, it’s… it’s… it’s so good, it’s… oh, I’m… I… I… oh Gerard, Gerard GERARD OH GOD!”  
Gerard leaned down and kissed her passionately to silence her scream as her body shook, feeling her collapse back to the deck breathing so hard she could barely speak. “Oh Gerard… Gerard… that was wonderful…”  
He smiled, leaned down, and kissed her gently. “Is it OK if I make love to you, Dana?”  
She stared at him. “Why would it not be?”  
“Because…” He shrugged. “Because of what I said, what I did, what I-“  
“Gerard.” She smiled and pulled him down to kiss her. “Please. I thought I’d lost you. I want to feel close to you. Make love to me.”  
“Well, I guess, if I have to…” Gerard grinned, yanked his pants and underwear down to his hips and pushed inside her. “Christ, Dana, you feel incredible…”  
“Oh, so do you…” Dana pulled him down and kissed him, hugging him close and savouring the already-growing sense of radiating pleasure. “Did you like my fun little trick I learned for you yesterday?”  
“Oh, I LOVED it… maybe we can do it again sometime…” Gerard raised a hopeful eyebrow. “I also love how uncomfortable it must have been for my brother to explain…”  
“Oh, it was, I thought he was going to die of embarrassment…” Dana laughed. “But I didn’t have anyone else to ask…”   
“Oh, but I love you for it, I love you for it…” Gerard kissed her and stroked her face. “You have no idea how much I love you for it…”  
“I love you too…” Dana tightened her arms around his back, the pleasure building inside her and radiating outwards. “I feel so close to you, it’s wonderful, you feel so wonderful, I can’t believe I nearly lost you forever…”   
“I feel so close to you too, oh God…” Gerard clung tightly to her, kissing her gently and looking into her eyes. “I love you so much, Dana, I swear, I’m so sorry…”  
“Oh, I love you too…” Dana kissed him passionately, her tongue deep in his mouth. “God, Gerard, you taste so good, you taste fantastic…”  
“So do you, so do you…” Gerard started to kiss down the side of her neck, his tongue flicking her earlobe. “Oh, your skin is so soft, Dana, you have such beautiful skin…  
“Mmmm, that feels so nice….” Dana smiled. “I love it so much when you kiss my neck…”  
Gerard began to move faster, pushing hard against her. “Is that good?”  
“Oh, that feels so good, Gerard…” Dana let out a small cry at the strength of the jolts of pleasure that shot through her. “Oh GOD, Gerard, that’s so good, oh wow…”  
“I love you so much, Dana. I’m sorry. I promise I’m going to spend my whole life trying to make you happy.” Gerard smiled at her and stroked her hair. “You’re the love of my life.”  
“You’re the love of my life too.” Dana smiled and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him down to kiss her. “But you’re not allowed to be a bastard.”  
Gerard feigned horror. “Not even once?”  
“Nope. No bastardry. Dana grinned, then felt a hot jolt of pleasure pushing up through her body, “Oh God, Gerard, I love you, I love you so much…”  
“Oh, I love you too…” Gerard kissed her hard, cradling her face in his hands and resting his forehead on hers. “I know I always say this, but I swear I will love you forever…”  
Dana kissed him gently. “Forever?”  
He smiled and stroked her face. “Forever.”  
“Oh Gerard…” Dana was feeling her legs start to tremble. “Oh Gerard, this feels so good, this feels so good…”  
Gerard started to move faster, hearing her stifle a cry as her body began to shake. “Oh, Dana…”  
“Gerard, oh, that feels so good…” Heavy jolts of pleasure were overcoming her body. “Oh, Gerard, please, for the love of God, tell me you’re close…”  
“I am…” Gerard started to kiss her more and more frantically, feeling Dana’s body pushing up against his, and then she came violently with a barely suppressed cry. Seconds later he came himself, burying his face in her neck to muffle his scream as he collapsed on top of her. “Dana, oh Dana…” He rolled on his back, adjusting his pants as Dana pulled down her dress. “Oh, Dana, I love you…”  
“I love you too.” Dana smiled and kissed him. “Look at the stars, Gerard…”  
“It’s so beautiful…” Gerard looked at her. “I’m so glad I’m still here with you.”  
Dana smiled again. “I’m glad you’re still here with me too.”  
Gerard pulled her close and kissed her. “Did you bring the ring?”  
“Yes, I brought everything.” Dana held up his satchel and Gerard happily took it back, almost hugging it as he slung it back over his shoulder and rooted around inside until he found the ring.   
“Dana d’Anjou, will you forgive me for being a bastard and marry me with this apparently mediocre ring until I can get you a better one?” He held it out to her.  
“Yes.” Dana smiled and held out her finger for him to slip the ring back on. “And it isn’t mediocre. All these other people in first class are just snobs. It’s perfect.”  
“You’re perfect.” Gerard smiled. “I love you so much.”  
“I love you too.” Dana kissed him and took his hand as they lay side by side on the deck. “Forever.”  
Gerard entwined his fingers with hers, leaning over to kiss her and wrapping his arm around her as she rolled over and laid her head on his chest, snuggling up to his side as they looked up at the stars. “Forever.”


	18. 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All prices are in 1956 USD value, so to get current prices multiply by 9.98.

25 July 1956

“What are you doing?” Gerard looked over Dana’s shoulder as she rapidly scribbled out sentences and numbers.  
“Well, after our little ‘scene’ at the evening dance last night, I’m going to telegraph my bank in Switzerland before my mother has a chance to hear about it and move every cent into a new account, because however much you say you don’t care about money, neither of us wants to end up panhandling.” Dana rolled her eyes. “It’s just hit 7.30am in Switzerland Cape Race time, so the banks are open.”  
“I guess- WHOA! That is not panhandling money!” Gerard’s eyes nearly popped out of his head.  
“Nope. That’s huge Yukon gold mining money, and I got a half share.” Dana grinned. “DANIELLA ANTONIA D’ANJOU REQUEST NEW ACCT; HOLDER NAME DANIELLA ANTONIA CAFFREY. BLIND TRANSFER BALANCE $30,563,729 FROM ACCT 2902594530, REPEATED ANNUAL TOTAL BALANCE TRANSFER REQUEST, PASSWORD “FELINE SHERLOCK”. REQUEST IMMEDIATE CONFIRMATION ℅ ANDREA DORIA.” She caught Gerard staring. “What? I like cats and I like detective novels. Sue me.”  
“With those numbers, I might.” Gerard smiled and kissed her.  
“Sure.” Dana laughed. ”OK, you run this to the telegraph room and slip them a twenty to have it sent immediately, and then go and fall on the mercy of your brother’s forgiveness to get him to play tonight, because it’s the last-night ball and I’d quite like to dance with my new fiance.” She paused. “Actually, tell him I’d quite like to dance with him too for a half hour.”  
Gerard’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”  
“Because your brother is a darling and I want to.” Dana went and fetched her white negligee from the dresser. “I’m going to bed soon, because it’s past 3 already. If I’m asleep when you get back and you wake me up for sex, I WILL kill you myself. Clear?”  
Gerard was staring at the negligee. “I might take the risk.”  
“Yeah, good luck with that.” Dana rolled her eyes and threw the negligee on the bed.  
“Hey, just wait until you see how hot my nightwear makes you…” Gerard held up his grey and black plaid pyjamas and raised his eyebrows. “Right?”  
“Mmm, sexy.” Dana laughed and kissed him. “Go on. I’ll keep on packing up my dresses. I want to get everything finished early so we can go out and watch the Statue of Liberty go past on deck together tomorrow…” She looked up at him. “And the 26th IS tomorrow. It’s 2.20am in the morning of the 25th already, Gerard. Tomorrow… well, tomorrow, our life begins.”  
He smiled at her, reached out, and touched his fingertips to her stomach. “I can’t wait.”  
She smiled back. “Neither can I.”

Gerard slowly walked back down the corridor to Dana’s cabin, carrying everything he owned in one battered old suitcase and his brown satchel so they could pack it in with her luggage, finally realising how tired he was. His brother had spent an hour crying on him, and then the wireless operator had tried to push for a bigger bribe once he saw the message. In the end, Gerard had to stand over him and watch every dot and dash to make sure he sent the right message and didn’t embezzle a little. He crept into the cabin, quietly locking the door behind him and tucking his old suitcase into the unloading crate with Dana’s trunks. He felt around on the floor for his pyjamas and pulled them on, climbing over Dana and into bed beside the porthole because she hated sleeping against the wall, saying her back got cold. He wrapped his arms and around her and smiled as he felt her take his hand in hers and kiss it, snuggling back against his body, and he tucked his chin over her bare shoulder and rested his cheek against hers, turning his head to kiss her and stroking her fingers gently with his thumb as he finally fell asleep.

“DANIELLA ANTONIA D’ANJOU! YOU OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!”  
Gerard sat bolt upright in the bed, instinctively looking for a place to hide. He’d spent enough of his youth climbing in and out of bedroom windows to know that angry mothers were not to be reasoned with.  
“Shit!” Dana was awake and shrugging on her robe. “What time is it?”  
“Uh…” Gerard rubbed his eyes and looked at his watch. “Oh man, it’s barely 7… hey, can I lock myself in the bathroom, or will she tear the door off the hinges? Because that happened once in Jersey…” Although that might have been a bear. It definitely sounded like a bear… but I’ve never heard of bears wearing nightgowns and chasing teenagers out of their adolescent daughters’ bedrooms before.  
Dana scowled. “Maybe that turd of a banker called and told her I’d emptied my account… that asshole-  
“DANIELLA ANTONIA! IF YOU HAVE THAT RAT OF A PIANIST IN THERE WITH YOU, YOU TELL HIM I’LL WANT A WORD WITH HIM TOO!”  
“…Yeah, you’d better lock yourself in the bathroom. She’ll find you, but she won’t want to break a fingernail trying to force the door.” Dana headed for the door as Gerard scrambled for the bathroom. She stopped, straightened her hair, and took a deep breath. “Good morning-“  
“Don’t ‘Good Morning’ me, Daniella!” Her mother was fuming. “It’s all over the ship that you’ve been rejecting all the eligible titled young suitors to engage in sexual perversions with a member of the crew, and that you’ve let him make you pregnant! The whole of Italian society will know about it by tonight, and not only will I be unable to show my face in polite company again, you will never marry well!” She planted her hands on her hips.”So. What do you have to say for yourself?”  
“I don’t need to think about marrying well any more.” Dana smiled and held up her left hand. “I’m already engaged.”  
“To an uneducated young man with no money and no future prospects who gave you a cheap, tacky, ugly little ring, and who works playing musical ditties on boats.” Her mother wrinkled her nose. “And to think you stood by and let him strike that poor Prince at the saloon-“  
Dana’s eyes narrowed. “Really, mother? Because when you thought he was rich, you were fine with that. Hell, you LIKED that. Everyone in the room did, except maybe the fake Prince who finally got the punch in the face he deserved. How is he less chivalrous now just because he’s poor?” Dana was angry now. “And this is his mother’s ring. He adored his mother. It’s more valuable than any sparkly thing you can just walk into Tiffany’s and buy.”  
“Don’t waste my time with stupid prattle, Daniella.” Her mother was staring at Gerard’s bags. “This…” She gestured at Gerard’s suitcase with her foot. “This, Daniella, is not yours. It is tacky, and it is cheap… much like that awful ring you insist on wearing. Why is it here?”  
“Because it’s going into a packing crate with my trunks so all of our things stay together, because we’re staying together, whether you like it or not. I have a half share of Grandfather’s estate too, Mother, and this morning at about half past two Gerard transferred it out of the shared account and set up an annual blind transfer. It’s ours now. We’ll never have to worry about money again.” Dana grinned smugly. “Gerard, you can come out of the bathroom now!”  
“No thank you!” Gerard had locked and barricaded the door. “But I appreciate the sentiment!”  
“He’s actually HIDING in there?!” Dana’s mother turned almost purple with rage. “That’s it. I’m fetching the Master at Arms. I’m having him arrested.”  
Dana snorted. “For what, Mother? For daring to be in your adult daughter’s cabin?”  
“For… for…” Dana’s mother scrambled to think of something. “For lying!”  
“Please. If that were a crime all of Italy would be locked up.” Dana laughed. “Including the Pope and every one of his cardinals… and of course you, with your sixteen years of lies about how you happened to become pregnant yourself.”  
“Dana, that was an entirely different situation. It’s not too late. I can telegraph ahead to Mr Bryar and explain the problem, or I’m sure we can still find you another acceptable suitor who will accept the child as his own-“  
Dana sighed. “Mother, think about it. Think about your American officer, your Yossarian, who was so unacceptable to your family that you had to invent a brave Italian officer when he ran off and left you. Gerard is MY American, except… he hasn’t run.” She took a deep breath. “Last chance, Mother. If your American officer had proposed, and your parents had insisted you leave him for a stranger you didn’t love because he was willing to pass me off as his own, just for the sake of saving face… would you have done it?”  
Dana’s mother looked her in the eye. “Yes.”  
Dana stared at her mother for a second, tears beginning to run down her face. “Goodbye, Mother.” She slammed and double-bolted the door, then stomped back to the bed and burst into tears.  
“Dana…” Gerard finally emerged from his bathroom fortress. “You don’t have to completely cut ties with her just for me. She’s your mother. I’m sure she’d love watching her grandchild grow up.” He kissed her gently. “I know mine would have. I wish every day that she could.” He stroked her cheek. “Are you sure you want to lose that?”  
“She would. She would love watching our child grow up.” Dana wiped her eyes. “But she’d also make your life a living hell. It would be all barbed comments and passive aggression. You don’t deserve that. Maybe she’ll change her behaviour and we can see her on holidays, but… but…“ She had gone an odd greenish-white colour. “Ohhhhhhh nooooooo…” She pushed Gerard away and ran into the bathroom, and he winced as he heard loud gagging noises.  
“Dana, honey?” He stood up hesitantly. “Do you want me to come in there?”  
“Noooo, I don’t want you to see me throw up…” There was another loud retching sound. “Just… keep folding and packing my gowns in their boxes, except… except the big dark red one with the black sequin overlay. I’m wearing that tonight at the-“ He heard another stream of gagging. “At the last night ball… if you look in the pouch on the hanger, you’ll find a matching bow tie and cummerbund for you.”  
“Really?” Gerard broke into a wide smile. “That’s so cool!”  
“It was always the plan that if I met my ‘perfect man’ on the ship, for us-“ Dana heaved loudly, clutching the toilet and resting her cheek on the wonderfully cool porcelain. “For us to match at the final ball… I was originally going to wear the tsavorite gown I wore on the night we got engaged, but since I already used that one with your brother, I figured I’d go for the dark red.”  
“And you still had a full matching set of fiance accessories for a backup gown?” Gerard raised his eyebrows and folded a daisy yellow print gown in tissue paper, packing it into its box. “Impressive.”  
“I have matching sets for all of them…“ Dana heaved again and Gerard heard a torrent of awfulness from the bathroom. “It’s a nobility thing…”  
Gerard hesitated. “Dana, are you sure you don’t want me to come in and, I don’t know, comfort you?” Please say no. Please say no. Please say no.  
“No, noooo, I’m fine, I’m fine…” Dana finally stopped gagging and curled up on the floor. “Please don’t come in… you’ll never want to have sex with me again…”  
“Dana, I’ve seen the negligee. That’s NOT going to happen.” Gerard smirked to himself. “If you change your mind and want someone to bring you a pillow, or to hold your hair, I’m right here.” Gerard picked up a royal blue tulle bodice trimmed with tiny fragments of gold nugget and started to wrestle it and the attached huge tulle skirt into its box. “My grandmother always used to say that the sicker you were, the more likely you were to be having a boy, though! That’s cool, right?” He grinned. “I always wanted a son!”  
He heard a loud curse from the bathroom and a fresh torrent of retching, followed by a loud groan.  
Gerard winced. Ouch. “OK, well… I love you!” He quickly went back to stuffing enormous gowns into boxes bigger than his entire suitcase. Maybe she’d think it was cool later.


	19. 19

25 July 1956

“MUST they mix the Cabin and First classes for this?” Dana’s mother wrinkled her nose and looked around, shooting Gerard an especially dirty look. “The others… they’re so UNCOUTH.”  
“By which she just means they’re too poor to be worth her time,” sighed Dana.  
“And the crew, well, they’re not even paying passengers.” She sniffed and gave Gerard a pointed look. “I don’t think they should be allowed here at ALL.”  
“Ignore her.” Dana smiled happily up at Gerard, brushing off a small black sequin that had come loose from the lace trim on his bow tie. “I think you look very handsome.”  
“And I think you look even more beautiful.” He smiled and kissed her, running his hand along the sequinned black lace overlay of her gown and fingering the tie-on lace cap sleeve. ‘And I love that you’re wearing THAT almond garnet necklace again…”  
Dana held back a laugh. “Almandine, Gerard. ALMANDINE.”  
“Either way…” Gerard flicked her earlobe with his tongue and she went weak at the knees. “You KNOW what that thing does to me…”  
Dana smirked and laid her head on his chest. “I do.”  
“Really?” Dana’s mother cleared her throat loudly. “Do enlighten us. What does it do to him, Daniella?”  
Dana looked her mother in the eye. “It makes him hot for me, Mother.”  
“So hot I’d happily stretch her across that piano right now.” Gerard stroked Dana’s hair. “Remember the first time we did that?”  
“Mmmm…” Dana turned her head and kissed his chest. “I do…”  
A look of horror crossed her mother’s face. “DANIELLA ANTONIA!”  
“Yes, ‘Daniella Antonia’…” Gerard shook his head and leaned in to her ear. “Oh, the things I am going to do to you once I get you back to our cabin…”  
“What is it, Mother?” Dana stared at her mother innocently. “Do you not like the piano?”  
Her mother had gone scarlet with embarrassment. “Yes, yes, it is, uh, quite beautiful, but I… I…” She drew herself up to her full height. “I just could not bear the thought of your besmirching it with your base lusts.” She gave Gerard a dirty look. “And it is just so NICE to hear it being played by a young man with ACTUAL talent.”  
“That’s my baby brother,” said Gerard proudly.  
“You said wonderful things about Gerard when he played at the opening night event.” Dana gave her mother a look of wide-eyed innocence. “And when one’s fiance has a shared cabin, one has to be more imaginative about venue.” She shrugged. “Last night, we went to the games deck and made up a little game of our own.” She grinned. “I will admit it was… unorthodox compared to most onboard games, and a little… um… chilly on certain parts, but it was still a lot more fun than shuffleboard ever is.”  
Her mother almost choked. “DANIELLA ANTONIA, what is WRONG with you?!”  
A male passenger nodded decisively. “I like her, she seems smart.” He shook Gerard’s hand. “Never let her go, son.”  
Gerard shifted uncomfortably. “Thank you, strange man, and I assure you I have no intention to.” Especially if men like you are out there.  
“Daniella, are you deliberately trying to humiliate me?” hissed her mother angrily.  
“Please. It’s just sex, Mother.” Dana rolled her eyes. “I think I’ve spent easily half the trip in bed with Gerard on the crew deck anyway.”  
Her mother’s mouth fell open. “Daniella, you have been on the CREW DECK?”  
“Yes. We play poker in the dining hall and have loud parties. I can outdrink the lot of them, or at least I did before I realised I was pregnant, and most of the time, I win at arm-wrestling too. It’s all gambling and dancing and bootleg booze.” She grinned. “It’s a lot more fun than First down there.”  
Her mother sniffed. “Well, if you will lie down with dogs, Daniella, of course you are going to wake up with fleas.”  
Dana bristled and Gerard put a calming arm around her shoulders. “Not much longer now, Dana. NYC tomorrow and you never have to deal with her again…”  
One of the more elderly passengers edged forward and lowered his voice. “Tell me, dear, is it just for the crew, or can anyone come down and play poker?” His wife smacked him angrily and he cringed. “I’m… I’m sorry, darling, but cribbage… it’s just so DULL…”  
“All day and night in the crew lounge/diner on A Deck, with anywhere between three and twenty players depending on the time.” Dana smiled. “Tell them Dana d’Anjou invited you.” She paused. “Oh yes, and watch out for Adolfo, he palms cards.”  
“One doesn’t play cribbage for the GAME, Stanley, one plays it for the CONVERSATION,” said his wife pointedly.  
“99% of conversation is just humans trying to find ways to dodge the truth.” Dana was already bored and she snuggled back up to Gerard, smiling as she felt him start to stroke the small of her back.  
“Well said, young lady.” Stanley held up his glass appreciatively. “May I order you a cocktail?”  
“Sorry.” Dana smiled apologetically and laid her hand on her belly. “No alcohol. Pregnant.” She gestured at the bar. “But feel free to drink it for me.”  
“Roger that.” He snapped off a wobbly salute, downed his Scotch and soda in one, and immediately ordered a mojito.  
“Mother, can’t you swallow your pride for five minutes? Don’t you want to see your grandchild?” Dana looked at her desperately. “Gerard persuaded me to give you another opportunity to explain. All his mother would have wanted is to see her grandchild grow up. Don’t waste it. You may NEVER get another chance.”  
Her mother crossed her arms. “I telegraphed Mr Bryar. He plans to marry one of the Astors instead.”  
Dana looked at Gerard sadly. “Told you. She’ll never change.”  
“You have no idea what you’ve just given up.” Gerard gave her a dirty look. “Do you have any idea what my mother would have given to see this child?”  
“She won’t?” Dana’s mother raised an eyebrow. “Why, did she lie down with dogs too?”  
Gerard nearly managed to jump on her before Dana got hold of his shoulders and wrestled him back, rubbing his back soothingly. “It’s OK, Gerard, come on, calm down, it’s OK, remember, NYC tomorrow, OK? OK?” She kissed him gently. “She’s just trying to press your buttons because I told her how much you adored your mother. Don’t give her the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of you. Hey. Hey.” She kissed him again. “It’s OK. I love you. Don’t let her get to you.”  
“I don’t want to, but sometimes she makes it really damned difficult.” Gerard glared at his future mother in law. “How in the hell did you put up with her for sixteen years?”  
“Gerard. Forget about her.” Dana draped her arms around his shoulders and deliberately steered him away from her. “So… looking forward to getting up early tomorrow morning to stand on deck and watch the Statue of Liberty go by?”  
“Getting up? No.” Gerard grinned. “The Statue of Liberty? Definitely.”  
Dana leaned in close to his ear. “We’re going to buy ourselves a nice house in Manhattan, and have the baby, and…” She paused thoughtfully. “And I think I’d quite like to get my GED and go to college.”  
“Why not? You’re definitely smart enough.” Gerard kissed her cheek. “What do you want to study?”  
“Probably art.” Dana stroked his face. “Of course, I’d have a lot of work, so-”  
“So I’d take care of the baby.” Gerard kissed her forehead. “You’re too smart to sit at home and play housewife, Dana. You deserve to go to college.”  
“I was going to say ‘so we’ll wait until the baby is older’ but I think I like your version better.” Dana smiled. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.” Gerard hugged her close. “One last dance before my brother cuts in?”  
Dana grinned. “Just one more.”

“I love dancing with you, Mikes.” Dana laid her head on his chest. “You’re just… just… genuinely affectionate. It’s not an act.” She stroked his face. “Nothing is ever an act with you.”  
“Gerard says the same thing whenever he beats me at poker. And he always beats me at poker.” Mikey shrugged. “I’ve always been that way. I guess I’m like the opposite of those kids who are born liars.”  
“It’s not a bad thing, Mikes. I like that about you.” Dana smiled at him. “Mikes… what are you going to do when we get to New York and Gerard quits his job on Andrea Doria? Are you going to keep working the ships on your own?”  
“No, never.” Mikey shook his head. “I couldn’t do it without him. I haven’t spent more than a single night away from him since I was born.” He bit his lip. “That’s probably a pretty depressing thing for a 23-year-old man to say, but I’m still going to quit and get a job in New York myself. At least then I’ll be able to see him maybe once a week rather than once a year.”  
Dana stroked his shoulder with her thumb. “Well, you’re always welcome in our house, Mikes. We’ll keep a room set aside for you, just in case.”  
Mikey opened his mouth to thank her and promptly blurted out “I love you, Dana.” Shit.  
“I know.” Dana smiled sadly at him. “It just wasn’t meant to be for you this time.” A tear ran down his cheek and she kissed it away, stroking the back of his neck soothingly. “Mikes…Your girl is still out there. Don’t waste your time crying over me. Please.” She grinned. “And until you find her, you’re welcome at me and Gerard’s place any time you want, just as long as you don’t mind a screaming baby.”  
Mikey laughed. “I appreciate that.”  
“No problem.” Dana stretched up and hugged him tight. “Love you, Mikes.”  
Mikey hesitated for a second and then wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck, breathing in the scent of her skin as he hugged her so tight she could barely breathe. “I love you too.”  
“And seriously, Mikes…” Dana looked at him seriously. “Our home is your home. Whenever you want. You’re one of the two most important people in the world to me.”  
Mikey smiled. “So are you.”


	20. Chapter 20

25 July 1956

“Mmmm… I can’t believe it’s only a few hours until we get to New York…” Gerard and Dana were stumbling their way along the corridor, kissing frantically. “This is so exciting…”  
“I know…” Dana grinned and pulled him into her cabin. “God, you taste fantastic…”  
“Oh yes, so do you, so do you…” Gerard pulled off his jacket and untied his bow tie, pushing her down on the bed and kicking off his shoes. “Now tell me how to get this dress off before I lose my damn mind…”  
Dana sat up and kissed the side of his neck. “Laces…”  
“What is it with you and laces?” Gerard started to kiss the side of her neck, fiddling with the knot at the back of the corseted bodice. “I swear you do it just to torture me…”  
“Well, there is that…” Dana shivered as she felt Gerard start to kiss her back, kissing the patches of skin under each lace and flicking his tongue against them. “Oh, Gerard, that feels so good…”  
“It does?” Gerard started to carefully pull out each lace, tracing his fingertips along her spine.  
“Yes, yes it does, oh God…” Dana bit her lip, squirming with anticipation as he moved lower and lower. “Oh, Gerard, kiss me…”  
“Oh, if I have to…” Gerard kissed her passionately, finally pulling the lace of the corset free as she ripped open his shirt. “Christ, Dana, you are so sexy…”  
“Mmm, I love you…” Dana unbuttoned his cummerbund and slipped her hands inside his shirt, pressing her palms against his skin as he shrugged it off and eased her out of her gown.  
“I love you too…” Gerard was kissing her harder and harder, pushing off his pants. “And I REALLY love it when you skip the brassiere…”  
“I bet you do.” Dana pulled him down and kissed him, wrapping her arms tightly around his back. “God, Gerard, I want you so badly right now, you have no idea…”  
Gerard grinned. “It’s the piano, isn’t it?”  
“Hell YES it’s the piano, all I can think is what else you could be doing with those hands…” Dana started to kiss the side of his neck. “What else I WANT you to be doing with those hands…”  
“Jesus…” Gerard quickly scrambled out of the rest of his clothes and slipped off her panties, and then almost fell out of bed wrestling off his underwear. “Oh God, Dana, tell me what you want me to be doing with these hands…”  
“I want you to touch me, Gerard…” Dana nibbled his earlobe. “I want you to touch me all over until I’m right on the edge, and then I want you inside me the moment before I come so you can feel it…”  
Gerard stared at her. “Oh my God, you ARE perfect…” He wrapped his arms around her and pushed her onto the bed as she erupted into giggles, running his fingertips across her skin and kissing her neck. “Dana, you are so beautiful, you are worth so much more than any Astor or Bryar or Prince could ever appreciate…”  
“I love you so much.” Dana stroked the side of his face. “All I’ll ever want is you…”  
“Because of my sexy lingerie?” Gerard gestured at his flannel pyjamas lying on the floor.  
“Yeah, definitely.” Dana grinned and started to push her hips upwards, her breath catching in her throat as he traced his fingertips around her inner thighs. “Oh, that feels so good, Gerard, keep doing that, please, please…”  
“Like this?” Gerard slipped his hand between her legs and began to stroke her with his fingers, kissing her more and more passionately.  
“Oh… oh yes, like that…” Dana arched her head back and Gerard began to kiss her throat and chest, smiling as he heard her breathing more and more heavily. “Oh, that feels AMAZING…”  
“So I should keep going?” Gerard raised his eyebrows. “Because I can stop any time you-“  
“GERARD, DO NOT STOP.” Dana grabbed his hair and pulled him down to kiss her, thrusting her hips upwards against his hand and swearing quietly as he began to rub her with his thumb. “Oh my God, Gerard, please don’t stop, please don’t stop…”  
“Never.” He smiled. “I love you so much, and… and the baby.” He kissed her gently. “I can’t wait to meet the baby, Dana, you have no idea…”  
“I… I love you too, oh Gerard, Gerard, Gerard…” Dana bit her lip. “Faster, Gerard, faster…”  
“Faster?” Gerard started to move his fingers faster and faster, and Dana’s hands tightened into fists, her fingernails leaving deep grooves in his back. “Like this?”  
“Oh yes, like that, like that…” Dana could feel her body start to tremble. “Oh Christ, Gerard, I’m close, I’m so close, now, please…”  
Gerard smiled, leaned down and kissed her, moving forward and pushing inside of her. Dana screamed, her body shaking violently, wrapping her arms tightly around his back and pressing her body tightly against his. “Oh my God, Gerard, you’re… you’re… “ She pulled him in and kissed him hard, a muffled scream escaping into his mouth and her body arching up against his as she came. “Oh Gerard… oh, that was incredible… that was so intense, you have no idea…”  
“Dana… Dana, you’re perfect…” Gerard kissed her, stroking her face. “Oh, I love you, I love you so much…”  
“More, Gerard, more…” Dana kissed the skin behind his ear. “Please… please, I want more…”  
“I will give you everything.” Gerard kissed her deeply. “All I think of is you, your beautiful hair, the softness of your skin, your smile… how beautiful you are when you laugh…” He smiled. “You’re the love of my life.”  
“You’re the love of my life too.” Dana smiled back, feeling the familiar sensation of warm pleasure spreading outwards. “Gerard, that feels so good, keep going, oh, keep going…”  
“Dana, Dana, Dana…” He laid his forehead on hers, brushing gentle kisses against her lips.   
“Oh Gerard, I love it when we do this…” Dana looked up into his eyes, cradling his face in her hands and savouring the pleasure spreading through her body. “It feels so intimate…”  
“It does…” He kept kissing her, pulling her even closer. “I love you, I love you, oh God, I love you…”  
“I can’t wait until we have our own house in New York and I can scream so loud that even our closest neighbours won’t hear it…” Dana smiled and stroked his cheek, stifling a scream of pleasure.  
Gerard rolled his eyes. “Oh, I know, one more noise complaint from the cabin next door and I’ll lose my mind…”  
“Oh, they’re just jealous I’m getting all the action from the handsome pianist…” Dana grinned and kissed him, lifting her hips as intense pleasure began to radiate through her body. “Assuming you’re not tapping Mrs Sorenson?”  
Gerard laughed quietly. “Mrs Sorenson is at least 80 years old…”  
Dana raised her eyebrows. “MR Sorenson?!”  
Gerard shuddered. “No fear.”  
“Mmmmm, so you do have your limits… interesting.” Dana laughed and hugged him close, kissing the side of his neck. “Oh, Gerard, that feels so good…”  
Gerard kissed her gently. “How good?”  
“Oh, so good I can understand why Mrs Sorenson wants you so bad…” Dana grabbed his hair and pulled him down to kiss her deeply, breathing hard into his mouth. “Oh God, Gerard, I love you so much…”  
“I love you too…” Gerard began to move faster and harder, watching Dana’s face contort into a silent scream. “Tell me, Dana, tell me how good this feels…”  
“Oh, it feels so good, it feels… it feels like heaven…” The pleasure was growing more and more intense, waves of ecstasy coursing over her. “Oh Jesus, oh Gerard, I think I’m going to come…” Her body started to tremble and she clung to him, burying her face in the side of his neck. “Oh God, I love you, I love you so much…”  
“Dana, tell me how you close you are, please…” Gerard pressed his lips against the top of her head, his hands tangled in her hair.  
“So, so, close, oh God, Gerard…” Dana bit her lip, her whole body shaking. “Oh… oh Gerard, oh Jesus, that feels so good, oh, oh my God…” Her fingers were scrabbling at Gerard’s back as she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight, her body thrusting up against his as she came. “Gerard, Gerard, Gerard…” She kissed him passionately, feeling his body jerk against hers and hearing him let out a muffled cry as he came himself, his breath hot and heavy against her skin. “Oh, Gerard…” Dana smiled up at him and stroked his cheek, her face flushed and her red hair soaked in sweat. “Oh, I can’t wait to marry you…”  
“Dana, you… you are… you are the love of my life.” Gerard kissed her forehead. “I can’t wait to marry you either…”  
“And I can’t wait to get our own place, our own home…” Dana kissed him. “Free to be as loud as we like…” She gave him a wicked smile. “As loud as we like… interesting…”  
“Neither can I. It’ll be wonderful, it’ll just be you… and me…” Gerard smiled and glanced down. “And the baby.”  
Dana grinned. “And Mikes.”  
“Mikey?” Gerard’s eyebrows shot up. “And Mikey? Why Mikey? Why will Mikey be there?”  
“Because we’ll have lots of space, and because deep down, you two need each other… and because he’s a sweetheart.” Dana smiled. “Admit it, you’d miss him.”  
“I… I…” Gerard sighed. “OK, fine, I would.”  
“I knew it…” Dana kissed him gently. “I love how close you two are. It’s adorable.”  
Gerard smiled. “Really?”  
“Yes.” Dana kissed his forehead. “I love you so much…”  
Gerard hugged her tight. “I love you too.”

“How is it so foggy when it was beautifully clear last night?” Dana was kneeling at the porthole and looking out as she pulled her white negligee over her head. “I can barely even see the ship’s rail out there!”  
“The Labrador Current moves down from the Arctic and mixes with the Gulf Stream around here. It’s always foggy during this part of the trip.” Gerard smiled. “You’ll probably get cold tonight. Let me grab you my spare pyjama top.”   
“Why, Gerard…” Dana battered her eyelashes at him and started giggling. “You mean to say that you have TWO sets of sexy nightwear? Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“Ha friggin’ ha.” Gerard rolled his eyes and threw his green and navy plaid pyjama shirt at her.  
“I don’t like it…” Dana peered out of the nearest porthole as she buttoned up the shirt. “It looks creepy out there…”  
“I’ve done this trip dozens of times, it’s fine.” Gerard rubbed her shoulders soothingly. “My first trip, we got hit by a freak wave off Nantucket and ended up with a 28 degree list because Doria is so top-heavy at the end of a trip. Now THAT was fun. Me and Mikey took our shoes off and slid along the corridors in our socks.” Gerard wrapped his arms around her. “It’s only the side and bow lights reflecting off the fog. They really freaked Mikey out on our first North Atlantic run too. It looks kind of eerie if you’re not used to it.”  
“It really does…” Dana looked outside and shivered.  
“It’s OK, Dana.” Gerard hugged her tighter. “New York tomorrow, right?”  
Dana forced a smile, eyeing the glow of Andrea Doria’s navigation lamps in the fog and unable to shake the uneasy feeling settling in her gut. “Right.”

Gerard lay awake in bed, listening to the clock in the sitting area chime eleven as drunken guests made their unsteady trips along the corridor. Dana was curled up contentedly next to him, snuggled up in his pyjama top, and he smiled and stroked her hair, turning his head to look out at the fog. He could see the white bow lamp and the red and green side lights on a boat heading out of the busy shipping channel through the haze of thick fog and watched them idly, waiting for the other light to vanish as the ships navigated around each other. As the seconds passed, he started feeling more and more uneasy, worried that the other ship had somehow missed them in the fog. No, Doria was huge. No one could possibly have missed her, even in this fog, and anyway, Doria had the latest radar. He gritted his teeth. “OK, now turn… turn…” Normally by now one of the bright side lights would have vanished as Andrea Doria navigated around the oncoming boat, but neither did, and a cold feeling settled in his gut. He looked at his watch, horribly aware that the lights were getting larger and larger, and that the white bow light was still dead centre. “Turn, for fuck’s sake, turn, turn, fucking TURN!” The dark shadow of a vast ship with a sharply raked ice-breaking prow suddenly appeared out of the fog and he swore, rolled over and wrapped himself around Dana, pushing her head down and clutching her against his chest as he braced himself.


	21. 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Gerard grew up in America, his instinctive language would be English. Therefore, everything he says in this chapter, including in his conversations with Dana, is in English.

25 July 1956

Dana was woken by an enormous metallic bang and a grinding impact, followed by the bizarre sensation of flying through ice cold air, landing on a rough surface so hard that it knocked the wind out of her. “What… what…” She shook her head to clear it, fragments of items that had been in her cabin drifting through the air around her. Andrea Doria loomed above her in the foggy darkness, the huge hole torn in the ship’s side illuminated by a powerful navigation light. Her face stung and she reached up and ran her hand down her cheek, seeing her fingers covered in blood. “I don’t…Gerard!” Dana felt a rush of panic. “Gerard! GERARD!” She heard a weak cough from across the deck and saw Gerard lying on his back, his body oddly twisted, a few feet away from her in his grey and black plaid pyjamas. “Gerard, Gerard, oh, thank God, you’re alive!” She scrambled over, razor-sharp splinters of wood stabbing at her legs and hands, and immediately saw blood around his mouth and that his eyes were wide and filled with fear as he looked at her. His pyjama top was already soaked in blood as he lay in a thick pool of dark red spreading beneath his back. His breaths were coming fast and shallow and he tried to speak, only for the words to come out as odd semi-silent gasps as he clutched at his heart, blood still pouring onto the deck.. “Oh God, Gerard, Gerard…” She put her arm around his shoulders and helped him sit up, hearing him try to scream, and saw a deep, deep slash over a foot long in his back through the shredded fabric. “Oh God, oh God, oh Gerard…” She laid him carefully down on his back and stroked his face soothingly, looking desperately for something to put under his head. “Gerard, it’s OK, everything’s going to be OK, I’ll get help, stay there-“  
She tried to stand and he grabbed her hand, mouthing desperately “help me.”  
Dana burst into tears and looked frantically around the fog-bound deck, shivering in her short white silk negligee and Gerard’s plaid pyjama top. “I can’t help you, Gerard, I don’t know how, I’ll- let me go and find someone, someone who does-“  
“NO!” He shook his head and grabbed her hand, frantically mouthing “no, don’t leave me, please, Dana, I’m scared, I’m so scared… please, tell me you’re OK, tell me the baby’s OK, tell me you’ll be fine…”  
“Yes, Gerard, I’m fine, the baby’s fine, honestly, and Gerard, you’ll be fine, Doria had a double hull, it will have taken most of the damage.” Dana stroked his hair soothingly, trying not to think about the horrific injury to his back. “You don’t-“  
“Dana.” Gerard pulled her closer. "I… I need you to give me last rites. Please… please tell me you know how, please…” He closed his eyes. “Please…”  
“No…” Dana held his hand tighter. “No, no, you don’t need them, Gerard, you’re only 27, you’re so young, really, you’ll be fine-“  
“Dana, listen to me!” Gerard’s eyes were full of panic. “If it counts as an emergency, which… which this is, you can do it. Do you know how?”  
“Wait!” Dana had a sudden moment of inspiration.“There might be a priest on Doria, of course, of COURSE there will be a priest on Doria, let me look and I’ll bring him right back-“ And maybe I’ll fetch a doctor too. “It’s OK, Gerard, I’ll find one, I’ll be right back, I swear it-“  
“DANA!” Gerard took a deep, shuddering breath. “Dana, I can’t wait for a priest, I… oh God, I can’t breathe, Dana, I can’t… I can’t breathe…”  
Dana forced a smile. “It’s just shock, Gerard, it’s nothing, really…” Dana squeezed his hand. “You’ll be fine…”  
Gerard shook his head impatiently. “No, it’s not, and even if… if there’s… a priest, he won’t be able to help if I’m… I’m already dead when he gets here, and… if I die before I get them… it’s too late. Dana, please…”  
“No!” Dana started to cry harder. “Please don’t make me, Gerard, I don’t want to!“  
Gerard grabbed her arm. “Dana. DO YOU KNOW HOW?!”  
“No…” Dana shook her head. “No, I’m sorry, Gerard, I’m so sorry, no, I don’t-“  
“OK., you…” Gerard took a deep breath and mouthed “I watched… a priest give them… to my grandfather…when he was dying…” He broke off and coughed violently. “Well…you say ‘in the name of the Father, and… and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit’ and make… make a cross over my face, then… then I say the Act of Contrition, and then you… you say the Apostles Creed, and… and then the Our Father.” He closed his eyes from the effort. “Tell me… tell me you remember them from Catholic school… I can’t… I don’t have the strength left to read them all…”  
“I do. I do remember. Of course I remember.” Dana wiped her eyes and pulled him into her lap, cradling his head in the crook of her arm. “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”  
Gerard opened his eyes as she made the sign of the cross over him, and then mouthed “Lord God, in your goodness… have mercy on me: do not… look on my sins, but… take away all my… guilt. Create in me… a clean heart… and renew… within me… an upright spirit..” He was gasping for breath now, clutching at his chest and coughing up huge gushes of blood as Dana hugged him close. “Hail Mary… full of Grace… the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou… among women, and… blessed is… the fruit of thy womb… Jesus. Holy Mary… Mother of God… pray for us… sinners now, and…” He swallowed and looked up at Dana, fear in his eyes. “And at the hour of our death… Amen.”  
Dana cleared her throat, fighting back a wave of panic as he closed his eyes again. Don’t die, Gerard. Please don’t die. “I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth; and in Jesus Christ, His only Son Our Lord, Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into Hell; the third day He rose again from the dead; He ascended into Heaven, and sitteth at the right hand of God, the Father almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting.” She started to stroke Gerard’s hair and saw him smile. “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.” She made the sign of the cross again.  
“Amen.” Gerard’s eyes were still closed, his chest rising and falling rapidly and shallowly as they made the sign of the cross together.  
“You’ll be fine, Gerard.” Dana leaned down and kissed him. “I love you so much…”  
Gerard opened his eyes, smiled, and mouthed “I love you too”, raising his hand and holding it against her stomach, stroking it with his thumb. “And our child.”  
Dana kissed him gently, his hand trembling weakly as it held the side of her face. “Don’t be scared, Gerard, everything will be fine.”  
Gerard winced and reached up to the back of his neck, taking off his St Gerard silver Catholic medal. “Take it,” he mouthed, and then coughed up what seemed like an endless river of blood. “Dana, I… I can’t… can’t breathe…” He looked up at the sky, bright distress flares from Andrea Doria showering overhead and illuminating his face, mouthing “please… I… I don’t want to die, not now, not yet… please, I just want to see my baby…” He started to cry, tears leaving clear tracks in the blood on his face as he coughed harder and harder, mouthing “I don’t care if I die right after… please, just let me see my baby…”  
Dana was desperately trying to soak up the blood with her white negligee, soaking herself in blood and comforting him as he coughed, easing him up and pounding him on the back as he let out a silent scream. “Oh God, Gerard, there’s… there’s just so much blood… how is there so much blood…” She couldn’t even tell whose blood was whose any more. “Gerard, I don’t know what to do, oh God, tell me what to do, I love you…”  
“Dana. Take it.” He held out his medal again insistently, mouthing “Take it. I want you to have it.”  
Dana bent forward, feeling him fastening it gingerly around her neck and wincing in pain. “Gerard, I-”  
“Dana…” Gerard’s eyes were wandering. “Dana, I’m so tired…”  
“Probably just shock.” Dana smiled reassuringly as her stomach turned over. “Gerard, please, let me go find somebody, I’ll only be gone a minute or two-“  
“No.” He held her hand tighter, mouthing “No. Please don’t leave. I don’t want to die alone.”  
“Gerard, Gerard…” Dana began to cry harder and hugged him close, smiling a little as she felt him kiss the hollow at the base of her throat. “You’re not going to die, you’re not, I know you wouldn’t leave me, please, I love you, I love you so much, I do, I can’t lose you, you have to live, I can’t live without you…”  
“It’s OK, Dana. “He smiled and squeezed her hand. “I’m not afraid any more.”  
Dana frowned, stroking his hair. “Why?”  
“Because…” He smiled again, looking at her softly. “Because I know you’re here…”  
Dana bit her lip and buried her face in his chest, tears streaming down her face.  
She felt his hand on her shoulder and looked up. “Dana. Look at me.” She looked into his eyes. “I love you, Dana.” He kissed her, and she had to fight the urge to panic when she tasted blood on his lips, concentrating on how soft and warm they still were. “Do you remember the first song I sang for you?”  
“Yes, it…” Dana nodded, holding his hand tightly. “It was beautiful.” She smiled. “Even when my mother chased you naked out of my cabin.”  
“Yeah… that was… less romantic.” Gerard stroked her hand. “Remember the song, Dana. Remember what I sang to you.” He took her other hand and placed it over his heart. “I meant every word.”  
“I know.” Dana was crying harder. “I will, I promise.”  
Gerard smiled. “And sing it to our baby. I want… I want the baby to hear it, and that… that his or her father loved them.”  
Dana smiled back at him. “I’ll sing it every day… although I can’t promise to be as good as you. Your voice… your voice is incredible. My voice will probably just make the baby cry.”  
Gerard managed a silent laugh and his usual crooked grin. “But Mikey’s won’t, and… and he will love that child as his own.” Gerard squeezed her hand, mouthing “I love you, Dana.” He pulled in a shallow breath. “Forever.”  
Dana smiled at him and stroked the side of his face. “I love you too. Forever.”  
Gerard smiled and closed his eyes, his breathing finally slowing to a stop and his hand going limp in hers, his body falling completely still as his other hand slipped away from her stomach to lie in her lap.  
“No, no, Gerard!! GERARD! GERARD, PLEASE!” Dana shook him hard. “GERARD!” Dana broke down in heavy sobs. “Gerard, please…” She laid her head on his chest and sobbed, stroking his hair and hugging him close. “Gerard…”


	22. 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the default language is Italian even though it's written in English, the Swedish man needed to speak Swedish. A rough translation is:
> 
> When he finds her: 'Miss, Miss, are you OK?' then 'Sorry, I don't speak Italian. Swedish? Norwegian? English?'
> 
> When he runs for help: 'Help, Help, there is an injured girl! She does not speak Swedish! She speaks Italian and English!"
> 
> Also, even though the default language is Italian, her conversations with Dr Michaels, and those between her, Dr Michaels, and her rescuers, are obviously in English.
> 
> The Empress of Ireland was another liner that struck a Scandinavian ship in that area, but in their case, 1012 people died out of 1477 on board.

26 July 1956

It was getting light by the time the fog cleared enough for a man on the bridge of MS Stockholm to finally see her, still cradling Gerard’s face against her neck and sobbing, and he yelled for help and scrambled to get her further away from the precipice at the edge of the crushed prow. “Frökenj! Fröken, är du okej?!  
Dana frowned. “What language is that? I was on Andrea Doria with my fiance, and now I don’t know where we are-“  
“Andrea Doria?!” The man seemed shocked. “Förlåt,no Italienska…” He bit his lip and looked around, then raised his eyebrows hopefully at Dana. “Svenska? Norsk? English?”  
“Yes.” Dana nodded. “Yes, I speak English.”  
The man looked relieved. “Good. Engelska. I speak little Engelska. I know you must confused, but your liner struck Swedish liner, MS Stockholm. You fall on forward deck. Come down to sit with others who come here in lifeboat from Doria, it’s freezing and you’ve barely clothes-“  
“Gerard… what about Gerard? I can’t move him myself, and I can’t leave him here…” Dana swallowed, still holding Gerard’s hand tightly. “Help him, please, help him, he’s bleeding…”  
“OK, you wait, I get American doctor.” The man ran off, yelling “Hjälp! Hjälp! En flicka är skadad! Hon pratar inte Svenska! Hon pratar bara Engelska och Italienska!” and Dana smiled, leaned down and kissed Gerard’s forehead.  
“See, Gerard? I told you everything would be fine, a doctor’s coming now, and he can help you…” She hugged him tighter. “I know you’re cold, but they’ll help me get you inside, and you’ll warm right up again, I promise, you’ll be fine, you have to be fine, please…”  
“Miss…” Another man squatted down beside her. “My name is Dr Michaels. I’m an ER trauma consultant from Boston travelling with my family on MS Stockholm, and I’m assisting with the rescue operations. The crewman told me you spoke English. What’s your name?”  
Dana frowned. For a strange moment she couldn’t remember. “Uh, it’s… it’s…” She finally remembered. “Dana. It’s Dana. Dr Michaels, I’m pregnant-“  
He looked at her. “How far along?”  
Dana swallowed. “Just over a month. You count from your last period, right?”  
“Right.” Dr Michaels smiled. “A proper Andrea Doria baby then. Any direct impacts to your stomach?”  
“Gerard… Gerard would have had his body wrapped around me. He would have protected me. He loves me.” Dana started to cry harder. “I was protected from everything, so you can look at Gerard now, OK, you can help him, please just help him-”  
Dr Michaels nodded. “And which deck were you on?”  
“Upper Deck, it… It’s just gone.” Dana shook her head blankly. “Everything’s gone.” She looked at him, tears streaming down her face. “Please help Gerard, please, he’s all that matters to me except our baby…”  
“I know.” Doctor Michaels put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “It’s OK. You weren’t thrown far. Try and stay calm over the next few days, deep breaths, try to avoid stress, however stupid that sounds right now, and your baby should be fine.” He smiled. “Babies are more resilient than most people think. I’d advise an examination with an OB-GYN in NYC to be sure, though.” He wrote something on a pad, tore it off, and handed it to her. “This is the name of a good hospital in the city. Now, I’ll have a look at Gerard…” He put his fingers to Gerard’s wrist to feel his pulse and instinctively recoiled. “OK. It’s alright, Dana. This is not another Empress of Ireland. You need to stay here on Stockholm, and not to try to get back on Andrea Doria to look for anyone or anything-“  
“MIKES!” Dana’s head jerked up. “His baby brother, Mikes, he’s only 23, and he was playing the last night dance, I have to find him, I have to go back-“  
One the rescuers held firmly onto her shoulders. “Miss, you CANNOT go back. Doria has too many compartments holed. She WILL sink, and no one knows who soon. Water is spilling over the lengthwise compartments now and she could turn turtle and sink without more than a few seconds of warning. She’s already listing too much to lower most of the lifeboats.” He smiled kindly. “If he was in First Class, Mikes is probably on Ile de France already. Don’t panic, and please, stay here. Plenty of other liners are here, and Stockholm will not sink. Just stay here and you’ll be safe. Don’t go back to get possessions-“  
“Possessions?! I don’t give a SHIT about possessions!” Dana shook her head in disbelief. “No, no, it’s Mikes, I need Mikes, and Gerard will never forgive me if I let his brother die, he ADORES his brother and so do I, I have to go and get him!”  
Dr Michaels put his hand on her shoulder. “Dana. DANA. I’m sure your Mikes will be fine. It looks like almost everyone survived. You’ll be safe if you move away from the damage and come inside with the others.” He squeezed her shoulder gently. “Gerard would want you to be safe, Dana.”  
Dana ignored them, her face buried in Gerard’s chest and her hand stroking his hair. “What about Gerard? Help me move him, I’m begging you! It’s too cold out here for him!”  
“It’s going to be OK, Dana. Someone is coming for Gerard.” Dr Michaels smiled reassuringly. “OK, Dana, I’m going to check you over. Do you have double vision, a sudden headache, sensitivity to light, nausea, pain? He started to palpate her abdomen. “Shout if anything hurts.”  
“No, no, no, no, no, and no.” Dana was impatient. “Now help him, please!“  
Dr Michaels smiled patiently. “I told you, Dana, someone is coming for Gerard. Can you feel this?” He stuck a pin in each foot and Dana recoiled. “Good.” He held his head against her back, his fingers on the side of her neck.. “Strong, even pulse, good heart and lung sounds.” He looked at her. “Dana, can you please wiggle your arms and legs for me.”  
Dana rolled her eyes and did it, only to find she couldn’t move her right arm properly. “OK, fine, my arm is broken, but we can fix that later, OK, I’ll let you fix it later, I promise, just help Gerard first, PLEASE JUST HELP HIM FIRST, OR SO HELP ME GOD I SWEAR I WILL BREAK IT WORSE-“  
“I like you. You’re a tough girl.” Dr Michaels smiled, then looked back up at the other men. “I think she has a dislocated shoulder. One of you hold her tight.” Suddenly Dana felt strange hands pinning her waist. “OK, Dana, I’m going to pull on your arm. It might hurt a bit.” He gripped her wrist tightly and yanked with all his strength, and she felt an odd pop in her shoulder and screamed.  
“OK, I think I got it.” Dr Michaels wiped sweat off his forehead, “Dana, move your arm again.”  
Dana wiggled her arm and found she could use it perfectly. “Thank… thank you.” She shook her head. “I don’t know why I didn’t feel it-“  
“You’re in shock.” Dr Michaels looked at the other rescuers. “She seems mostly OK, physically. I’m stunned. No offence, Dana, but you should be dead. Gerard probably saved your life. Without his body heat, you’d have frozen to death during the night. She’s still hypothermic, confused, perhaps slightly concussed, and I’ll have to stitch her cuts, but… Dana, I still don’t know how you lived. It’s a miracle.” He gave the loitering rescuers dirty looks. “Now, for God’s sake, one of you find this poor girl some clothes.” Dr Michaels shook his head and pulled out a curved suture needle and some thick wiry black thread. “I can’t explain it.” He threaded the needle. “Now, Dana, I’m not going to lie to you. This will hurt. Your face and chest are covered in cuts from flying glass, and I don’t have any lidocaine, only morphine, haloperidol, and some propofol. I’m going to pick out the glass shards and then suture the cuts, OK? Don’t worry, you should have barely any scarring. You’ll keep that beautiful skin of yours almost perfect. When you wash the blood out of your hair, brush it through first to get any shards out so you don’t cut your hands.” He smiled at her. “You’ve got some nasty splinters from the wooden deck in your legs and hands as well. I’ll pull those too, but if they’re not big cuts, I won’t suture them, unless you’re worried about scarring.” He patted her shoulder soothingly. “I’m going to try and keep the pain to a minimum, but this will hurt. Deep, regular breaths, Dana. I’ll be done as fast as I can.”  
“Gerard… He would have protected me. I’m alive because Gerard protected me.” Dana started to cry harder. “Now please, please, help me move him first, help him, he’s so cold-“ She let out an odd, choking laugh and began to cry again. “If you’d just look after him and wait for him to wake up he’d hold my hand for this, he’s so cold, he just needs to get warm and then he’ll be fine…” She bit her lip. “He will, he’ll be fine, he has to be…”  
“Dana…” Dr Michae put his hand on hers. “These notifications are awful at the best of times, and I can’t think of many times worse than this. I’ve been trying to put this off until… well, until you’d made a bond with someone on board, got some support, but your Gerard… he’s not sleeping, and underneath all that denial you’ve made yourself believe… you already know that. He’s not going to wake up and hold your hand. He’s… he’s never going to wake up again.” He took a deep breath. “Dana… Gerard is dead.”  
“No.” Dana shook her head. “No, that’s not possible, I won’t let it be possible so it’s NOT, I’m pregnant, I already told you, and he’s the father, it’s his baby, he has to meet his baby, he begged God to let him see his baby and he will-”  
“He wouldn’t have suffered, Dana.” Dr Michaels squeezed her hand soothingly. “I know this is a lot to take in, but if it helps at all… he wouldn’t have felt any pain. At first, shock would have numbed any pain from his injuries, and he would have died quickly from blood loss. In a lot of ways, it would feel like going to sleep. It would have been a relatively easy, painless death.”  
“He…” Dana stared down at Gerard's pale face, his eyes closed and his long black eyelashes casting soft shadows across his high cheekbones in the early morning light. “He… he said he felt tired, he told me he was tired…” She stroked Gerard’s cheek, biting her lip at how cold and white his skin suddenly seemed to be. “I told him it was shock, I… I didn’t know, I could have... I would have-” Dana shook her head and clutched Gerard's body tighter, still holding his hand reassuringly in hers, and cradled his head gently back against the side of her neck, turning her face to kiss his forehead and trying to ignore how still he felt in her lap and how freezing cold his skin suddenly was against her lips. She tried to force herself to be able to feel him breathing, to feel his breath on the side of her neck, and realised with a creeping horror that she couldn't. She shook her head frantically, squeezing his hand tight and feeling a rush of panic as it stayed stubbornly limp in hers, his arms hanging loosely at his sides however carefully she cradled him and his legs sprawled untidily onto the deck. “No. No, please, you’re wrong, he’s not dead, he’s not, he’s not, you have to help me move him, you can’t know he’s dead, he loves me, he felt alive a second ago, I swear, please, PLEASE, it’s impossible, it HAS to be impossible, you barely even touched him-”  
“Dana, it’s not your fault.” Dr Michaels' voice was gentle. “I know how badly you want him to be alive, that you’ve spent the night holding him and bargaining, pleading, and convincing yourself he was alive, getting more and more confused from the hypothermia and the concussion, and I know how much you want me to be able to miraculously save him, but… he’s ice cold. I didn’t have to touch him for more than a second. His skin is so white he can’t have more than a tiny fraction of blood left in his body. If all the blood here is his, he couldn’t have lived more than a few minutes at most.” He put his hand back on Dana’s shoulder. “Don’t blame yourself. There’s nothing you could possibly have done. Even if you’d fetched a doctor immediately, it would have been too late.” He put his arm around her shoulders. “Dana. You know you can trust me. I know it’s hard to cope with this, especially when you’re already in shock, but Gerard is dead. He’s been dead for hours.” He took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, but I’m afraid you’ll have to leave him here, at least until-”  
“No, no, no, no…” She let out a shriek of raw, primal grief. “Please, please, no, I need him, I can’t live without him, please…” She broke into loud sobs, cradling Gerard in her arms, holding him tightly and kissing his face, stroking his hair and still clutching his hand. “I love you, Gerard…” She leaned down and kissed him gently, feeling strong arms grabbing her shoulders and desperately trying to fight off them off. “No, no, NO! NO! I WANT TO STAY WITH HIM!” She clutched at Gerard, burying her face in the side of his neck. “I love you, Gerard, I swear, I will always love you, forever, forever…” The rescuers finally got hold of her and slung her over the strongest man’s shoulder, Gerard’s body sprawling facedown onto the deck of MS Stockholm as they pulled her away from him. “No! NO! Gerard! GERARD! DON’T MAKE ME LEAVE HIM HERE ALONE, PLEASE! I CAN’T LEAVE HIM!” Dana started kicking and flailing. “GERARD! GERARD! PLEASE, PLEASE, I DON’T WANT HIM TO BE ALONE!”  
Another rescuer sighed. “Ma’am, I’m afraid he’s dead. You’re alive, and you need to worry about your safety rather than his. We’ll salvage the body when the immediate crisis is over. Don’t worry about it. Stockholm is not going to sink, we have enough intact watertight compartments to be sure of that, but 10 metres of the prow is gone, and we need to assess the damage first.”  
Dana finally lost it. “‘It? IT?!’ ‘The body?!’ ‘Don’t worry about it?!’ HE WAS A MAN! HE WAS A MAN WHO LOVED TO READ,TO DRAW, TO PLAY MUSIC! HE LOVED ME! I LOVED HIM! ‘HE’ IS NOT AN ‘IT’ THAT REQUIRES ‘SALVAGING’!’” Dana wiped her eyes. “He was a person, a good person. He is a ‘he’, not an ‘it’, not a ‘the body’… and he needs ‘rescuing’, not ‘salvaging’. But yeah, it’s great to know not to have to ‘worry about it’”. She gave them a sarcastic look and spat on the deck in disgust.  
“OK, Miss, we’re sorry, now if you’ll come with us…” One of the other rescuers grabbed her and slung her over his shoulder, rolling his eyes. “We’ve got a feisty one here.”  
Another rescuer ran up. “Djamel, half of Doria’s lifeboats aren’t deploying because of the list-“  
“Which doesn’t matter because we have enough to shuttle back and forth between them and Ile de France.” He rolled his eyes. “Just tell Third Class and the below-decks crew that they have to wait until the upper classes have been moved. Jesus. Third are lucky they’ll get a damn lifeboat at all with that list. They’d all be floating facedown in the Atlantic right now if this wasn’t such a busy channel.”  
“NO! NO, NO, NO, GERARD! GERARD!” Dana pounded her fists against Djamel’s back as he carried her away from the shattered prow and he swore quietly. She kept struggling as she sobbed hysterically, screaming Gerard’s name in between sobs. “NO! Don’t make me leave him! Please, DON’T MAKE ME LEAVE HIM!”  
Djamel shifted Dana to the other shoulder and she immediately threw up down his back, and he swore. “REALLY, lady? Was that some fucked up kind of revenge because I won’t let you stay with your dead husband? It’s not like he’s going to miss you. He’s DEAD. He’s not fucking Lazarus. I could go back there and kick the shit out of him and he wouldn’t notice.” He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “Maybe later we can throw him over the side and see if he tries to swim. I wonder if it will be before or after the gulls peck his eyes out.”  
“NO! NO!” Dana immediately started screaming and twisting and flailing so hard he almost dropped her. “NO, PLEASE! PLEASE DON’T! PLEASE DON’T LET HIM HURT HIM! DON’T LET HIM DO THAT, PLEASE, PLEASE, I’M BEGGING YOU!” She broke into heavy sobs. “Don’t let him hurt Gerard, please… please, Dr Hartland, I need him, I can’t lose him, I love him so much…”  
“She has morning sickness, you utter bastard,” sad Dr Michaels quietly. “She’s pregnant.” He fixed Djamel with a look. “The second she’s in the lounge, you’re fired. You just threatened a pregnant woman with throwing the father of her baby overboard, right after you heard me tell her to avoid stress. Pack your shit, you’re being thrown off the ship in NYC the second we get back. I don’t give a fuck about your job, or your plans in Sweden, and I have pull with the shipping lines. I’ll make sure you never work on a ship like this again. I’m sure Doria’s chief engineer is looking for a job right about now.” He took Dana’s hand. “Dana. Dana, look at me.” Dana stopped flailing and began to calm down a little as she looked at him, tears still running down her face. “He’s not going to do that, I promise, and I promise that as soon as I can, I will get Gerard moved. I will make sure he is the first person to be recovered. If I have to, I will do it myself, and in the meantime, I'll rearrange his body so he has a little more dignity. Gerard saved your life, it’s the least he deserves.” He squeezed her hand. “Not only did he take the full impact of Stockholm's prow, Dana, but if you hadn't held him close all night, you would have died of hypothermia. It was his lingering body heat that kept you alive. The last thing Gerard ever did, even after his death, was to protect you and your child, and from what you've told me about him, I think that's exactly what he would have wanted." He took his handkerchief and wiped the tears off her face. "Take comfort in that, Dana. Everything’s going to be OK.”  
“No…” Dana kept sobbing. “Gerard’s gone, he’s gone, nothing’s ever going to be OK again… he has such beautiful eyes, Dr Michaels, don’t let the birds get him…” She started to cry harder. “Please don’t let the birds get him like that man said they would…”  
Dr Michaels sighed. “Dana, I won’t. I will personally ask my oldest son to stand on deck and chase them away, I promise. That is how strongly I feel about this. OK?” He bent down and looked at her face. “OK?”  
Dana nodded tearfully. “You’re so nice.” She forced a smile. “Is he an ER doctor too?”  
“A surgeon.” Dr Michaels smiled and stroked her hand reassuringly, when suddenly Dana saw Gerard’s cherished satchel of his own, original music and art lying on the deck and punched Djamel hard in the balls. He swore and let go of her for a second and she sprinted over and grabbed the satchel, slinging the strap across her body and clinging to it a second before she was hit from behind by 250lbs of rescuer. “No! NO! YOU CAN’T HAVE IT! IT’S HIS! GET AWAY FROM ME! I WON’T LET YOU TAKE IT!”  
One of the other rescuers leaned in to Dr Michaels, lowering his voice. “We’ll never get her away from him and inside when she’s like this. We might even drop her on the stairs. Give her a shot of the propofol, she’s hysterical.”  
“I’d really rather not give a pregnant girl strong sedatives…” Dr Michaels looked hesitantly at his medical kit. “Not when I don’t know what it could do to the baby.”  
The rescuer gritted his teeth. “You have to. If she falls on the stairs, it could be much worse. You can stitch her up when she’s out too, save her some pain.”  
“No! NO!” Dana tried to fight them off as Dr Michaels reluctantly picked up a syringe of propofol and stuck it in her arm. “No…” She craned her head, trying to get one last look at Gerard as her struggling began to weaken and her vision began to blur, and caught a glimpse of his black hair and pale face as he lay sprawled on the deck. “Gerard… “ She smiled a little, “Gerard, my love, I saved your music…” She held the medal around her neck as she finally lost consciousness. “Gerard, I love you…”


	23. 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an aside, Mikey Way is actually terrified of water and did once have a panic attack in the shallow end of a swimming pool.

26 July 1956

“Honey? Honey?” Dana could hear a kind woman’s voice with a New Jersey accent blurring in the distance as she opened her eyes. “I’m Katherine Mochel. You’ve been out a long time. We’re in Stockholm’s first class lounge. Are you OK? Did you hit your head? Emily said it took the doctor over two hours to pull all the glass and splinters. Your face is covered in stitches…”  
“The doctor said he had to give her a shot to knock her out during the rescue,” said another voice. “They said she wouldn’t leave her husband’s body, poor girl. She can’t be more than sixteen or seventeen. She must be so traumatised.” She held up Gerard’s battered brown satchel. “She was clinging to this so tight they couldn’t prise it away from her, even when she was out cold. Here, sweetheart.” She reached forward and handed it out to Dana, who immediately snatched it away and clamped her arms around it. “Whoa, sweetheart, it’s OK, nobody’s taking it away…” She lowered her voice. “I don’t know what happened to her, but when they first brought her here they handed her to me and she is absolutely covered in blood, way too much for just some cuts. She was DRENCHED in it. They tried to put a blanket on her but she just curled up in my arms like a baby. In the end, I had to swaddle her in it.” She looked at her. “I’m Lisa Anne, by the way. Sorry Rebecca and I had to sit you up, sweetheart, but you were retching like you were going to hurl.” She paused. “And then you did. Five times so far. Don’t worry, Chantal grabbed you a bucket just in time.”  
“Sorry.” Dana managed a small smile. “Morning sickness.”  
“Oh, that’s awful…” Katherine’s voice was back, her hands wrapping Dana’s rough wool blanket tighter around her shoulders. “What… what happened to you?”  
Dana squeezed her eyes shut, praying not to throw up again. “The boat… the boat hit my cabin. My cabin is gone. It killed my fiance.” Dana’s voice didn’t sound like hers. “Mikes… is Mikes here?”  
“Honey…” Katherine’s voice was gentle. “If Mikes was in there, he’s probably-“  
“No. That was Gerard. Not Mikes. Mikes is Gerard’s baby brother, he’s only 23, and I have no idea where he is. Not a clue!” She let out out a slightly odd laugh and the other women glanced at each other uneasily. “Gerard… he was in there. Gerard, not Mikes. Gerard is dead.” Dana burst into heavy sobs, unable to cope with what she was saying, and Katherine wrapped her arms around her. “Gerard is dead.” She took a deep breath. “Mikes is his brother. I need to find Mikes. The ball ended at 11 but he would have had to finish up the last song and sort out and put away music, and close up the piano. If he was done playing, he was on the highest crew deck. I need to know he’s OK. Where is he? Is he here?”  
“It’s OK, honey, we’ll find out.” Katherine lowered her voice. “Alicja, can you please go and check the list of this ship’s passengers and any confirmed dead?” She cleared her throat and raised her voice. “Did anyone here see the pianist leave the ballroom before 11pm? Is anyone here from A Deck?”  
There was a painful silence as everyone stared at the floor.  
Confirmed dead. Confirmed dead. Dana swallowed and opened her eyes, tears still running down her face. “You can add a ‘Dana d’An’… uh, I mean, a ‘Dana Caffrey’ to the passenger list… and a ‘Gerard Way’ to the “confirmed dead” list.”  
A woman she assumed was Alicja stopped mid-step and looked at her. “You sure? Because if you’re not-“  
“I’m sure, he… he died in my arms.” Dana started to cry again. “He told me he loved me, and then… and then I felt him just stop breathing, and… and… and then he was just dead. Just like that. Gone. And the rest of the world just kept on turning like nothing had ever happened, like he had never existed or ever mattered. It was… it was just terrible.” She started to sob harder and Katherine hugged her tighter, stroking her hair and making soothing noises. “Come on, honey, come on, at least you know he loved you, right, it’ll get easier, OK, I promise…”  
“I was holding him, I was begging him not to go, I was holding him as tightly as I could and I was telling him that I loved him, I begged him not to leave me, but he just… he died.” Dana shook her head. “He died.” She stared at her lap in silence. “There was just… there was just so much blood, I tried but it kept coming, it wouldn’t stop, it just wouldn’t stop-“  
“No. Stop. STOP. You’re torturing yourself.” Katherine put her hand on Dana’s shoulder. “You were there, and that’s what would have mattered to him, OK? OK?” Dana nodded shyly and Katherine hugged her. “OK.”  
“Oh shit…” Dana was leaning over the bucket again. “Is it true you get worse morning sickness if you’re having a boy?”  
“That’s the story.” Katherine hugged her tighter as Dana threw up again.” “If it’s true, you must be having one HELL of a boy. We’ve been taking it in turns to hold your hair back for hours.”  
“There’s no Mikey Way on this boat, and I can’t find anyone who saw him after about 9pm, but the good news is he’s not confirmed dead.” Alicja squatted down in front of her. “But this is just one of a half-dozen boats, and it doesn’t have working wireless. It was ruined in the crash. He could be on any of the other boats. I’m sorry, but you won’t know either way until we reach New York City.”  
Dana bit her lip and looked down, nodding her head.  
“I added your Gerard to the list.” She put her hand on Dana’s knee. “I’m Alicja Suplewska, by the way. I’m so, so sorry. It must have been awful for you.”  
Dana just stared at her knees, tears dripping onto the floor. “He didn’t want to die alone.”  
Alicja sat silently beside her and put her arm around her, Katherine still hugging her tightly. “And he didn’t have to, sweetheart, because you were there with him holding his hand. That must have meant a lot to him.”  
“It’s true.” Alicja smiled gently. “Try and take some comfort in that.”  
Dana nodded, still feeling nothing but raw, unbearable pain. “I loved him so much. I’ll never love anyone again.”  
Katherine stroked her hair. “And he loved you too.”  
Alicja cleared her throat. “Forgive me, but… I had a look inside. It’s music. Did he write it?”  
Dana nodded silently.  
“Wow, I mean…” Alicja shook her head. “It’s… beautiful. It’s just beautiful. Did he go to Juilliard too?”  
“No.” Dana laughed bitterly. “He didn’t even finish eighth grade…”  
Alicja stared at her. “Wow… just, wow. I play with the Philharmonic as first violin. Dorothy here is second violin and the conductor is going to be so pissed that we lost a Stradivarius.” She rolled her eyes. “But this music, it’s just… did he ever play it for you?”  
Dana nodded, clutching the satchel. “A couple times. Once, it was a song he wrote just to propose.”  
“Well, he clearly loved you very, very much.” Alicja smiled.  
“He did. He was going to marry me. I’m going to have his baby.” She smiled and wiped her eyes. “I love our child already, even though it’s barely there yet.”.  
Alicja sat up. “That’s wonderful! When are you due?”  
“March. I can’t wait… if only to stop the vomiting.” She immediately gagged and threw up again. “Oh man…”  
“I bet. You must be so excited.” Katherine hugged her tighter. “A blessing out of a tragedy. Look at it that way.”  
Dana forced a smile. “I will. If it’s a girl, it’s Helena Michele. If it’s a boy, it’s… it’s…” She started to cry. “I’m going to call him Gerard. Gerard Michael.” She wiped her eyes. “Gerard… Gerard always wanted a son.” She held the satchel tight, closing her eyes and beginning to doze off again from the lingering propofol, singing to herself. “If I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep, Never let them take the light behind your eyes…”

Dana woke about two hours later, rubbing her eyes, and cleared her throat. “I’m going to… uh… find an officer and ask about our ETA in New York. Normally it’d be a day, but… well, you know, we’re missing half the ship.” She let out another weird laugh and walked confidently into the corridor, and then she broke into a run, sprinting up to the main deck. “GERARD! Gerard, I’m back…” She trailed off, staring at the dark patch on the empty deck where Gerard’s body had lain. “Gerard…” Her hand flew over her mouth. “Gerard… where are you?” She looked around frantically. “Gerard, WHERE ARE YOU? I NEED YOU!” She burst into tears and fell to her knees, laying her cheek against Gerard’s blood on the deck. “Gerard, please, tell me where to find you… I have to see you.” She bit her lip, tears streaming down her face and stinging her dozens of tiny sutured cuts. “ She started to sob. “Gerard, WHERE ARE YOU?”  
“Dana, don’t do this to yourself.”  
Dana whipped round and saw a girl from downstairs who had been sitting silently against the wall. “Who the hell are you?”  
“Marie Caramia. I’m 14 and I’m from Naples. I knew exactly where you were going, because I was in a Tourist Class cabin with my sister on Andrea Doria that was torn open, and I hunted every deck of Stockholm hoping I’d find her, and that she had somehow been thrown between ships alive. I couldn’t accept she was gone.” She paused and looked down. “I just… all I can do is hope it didn’t hurt and that she is here and not lost in the sea. She never learned to swim.”  
Dana got up and hugged her. “We were thrown onto the deck because the boat hit the very bottom of my cabin, but… Dr Hartland… when Dr Hartland told me about how Gerard died, he said it wouldn’t have hurt. I’m sure it was the same for your sister.”  
“I hope so.” She wiped her eyes. “They are all in black bags. Go and find the captain. Maybe he’ll tell you where to see him.”  
Dana hugged her again. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, I will do that right now!”  
Marie looked sadly at her. “Please tell me if you find my sister. She has dark hair in braids and pink pyjamas with little flowers. She is only five, so she will be small.”  
Dana stared at her for a moment, suddenly confronted by the realisation that others had suffered terrible losses, that she was not the only victim of the accident, and of how selfish her grief had made her. She was getting all the attention in the lounge, but there were dozens of others sitting in silence who had probably lost their entire families, and she was struck by the thought of how awful it would have been to have lost both Gerard and their five-year-old child. She put her hand on Marie’s shoulder. “I will. I will, I promise.” She turned and immediately sprinted up to the bridge. “Captain, where’s Gerard? I want to see him.” Dana crossed her arms and fixed him in a glare. “I need him.”  
He didn’t turn his head. “I’m not the captain, I’m only the first mate. Miss, the bodies are all stacked downstairs in piles. There are dozens, and we have no idea which bag his body is even in. We just shoved each body in a bag whenever we found it, trying not to look, and didn’t waste time with maps or labels. Some of them aren’t even intact - just arms, legs, heads… it was awful. We have an ice-breaking prow and it is like a huge blade, and we hit your ship at about 40 knots. It smashed 12 metres deep into Andrea Doria.” He looked down. “I’m so sorry… we hadn’t entered the fog bank you were in, and someone on duty misread our radar and thought you were further away from us… we had no radio communication, we were both at full cruising speed, so by the time we saw you were there… all we could do was both try to outrun it, but it was too late to stop the collision.”  
Dana’s stomach turned over and she tried to remember how far Gerard and Mikey’s cabin would have been from the prow. “Mikes… he might have been on A deck… I have to find out where he is, if his cabin is there-“  
He shook his head firmly. “Miss, do NOT go back. Doria’s A deck is flooded completely. It flooded in seconds after we hit. If he was not killed by the prow, he would probably have drowned.”  
Dana suddenly felt sick. “But… but Mikes… Mikes is terrified of water… he even had a panic attack in the shallow end of a swimming pool once when Gerard was trying to teach him how to swim…”  
“I’m sorry. You’ll have to wait until we get to NYC to find out if he’s waiting for you. I… I saw terrible things, and even tough crewmen were throwing up and fainting.” He gritted his teeth. “You can see Gerard’s body when we get to New York and unload them on the dock for identification. You don’t want to look in those bags. Trust me.”  
Dana thought desperately. “OK, well, someone else could, someone tough, he has black hair, and hazel eyes, and he’s wearing grey and black plaid pyjamas, and he has lovely pale skin-“  
“Miss, please. Think about this. We can’t go digging through four dozen bags looking for one body.”  
“He’s not just ‘one body’, sir,” said Dana quietly. He’s someone I loved. He’s the father of my child.”  
He shrugged. “Sorry Miss. I can’t help you.”  
Dana gave him a dirty look. “You’re an ass.”  
“Hey, I know you!” He turned and grinned at her. “You’re the girl who punched my chief engineer in the balls and threw up on him!”  
Dana hung her head. “Sorry, but he was being an asshole.”  
“Don’t be sorry. He IS an asshole!” He roared with laughter, then looked at her seriously. “Miss, my name is Will Peacey, and you can always ask for me by name if you want to ask something about the trip or about any worries about your safety on board, but… I swear that if I could help you, I would, if only because you punched that douche in the balls, but… I can’t. You’ll have to wait until we get to New York. If you would like, I can have the second mate Dylan Perryman take you to where the bodies are being kept, but it would just be a pile of black bags. I’m sorry.”  
“I understand.” Dana bit her lip. “I’m sorry for calling you an ass. I’m just upset.”  
“I can only imagine.” Will looked at her sympathetically. “I am honestly truly sorry for your loss, Miss. I wish I could help you, but I can’t.”

“This is the first time I’ve been to America since I was five,” said Dana in a small voice. “I was going to stand at the side near the front of the ship with Gerard’s arms wrapped around me and we were going to watch the Statue… the Statue…” She swallowed. “The Statue of Liberty go by.” She looked at her knees. “Now he’s dead, and his brother might be dead, and all I have is this shitty green and blue tartan blanket with yellow stripe things and a bunch of evening dresses that got thrown out of my cabin and that are now scattered all over the prow.” She fiddled with the edge of the blanket. “I’m… I’m scared to go alone.”  
There was a silence, and then Lisa Anne cleared her throat. “It’s OK. I’ll come with you, honey.”  
They walked to the front of the ship, Lisa wearing men’s overalls and Dana in big clompy workers’ boots a kind Swedish lumberjack from Washington State had given them, Dana still in her white negligee and plaid pyjama top under her tartan blanket, and together they watched the Statue come into sight. Dana broke down into heavy sobs and Lisa put her arm around her shoulders and held her as they passed it.  
“I should be standing here with him, smiling and kissing and laughing. We were going to dodge my mother and run, because she didn’t want me to marry him. This was meant to be our new life.” Dana was staring at the shoreline, studiously avoiding looking at the dark stain on the deck where Gerard had bled out. “We were going to leave the ship together, and get away from my mother, and from all that nobility bullshit, and get married and have our baby and live happily ever after. As far as my mother knows, I’m dead. I doubt she even cares.” She raised an eyebrow at Lisa Anne. “Yup. Unmarried mother. Oops.”  
Lisa shrugged. “I don’t give a damn. Do you?”  
Dana shook her head. “Nope.”  
Lisa grinned. “Well, then, the hell with everyone else. Who cares what they think?”  
Dana smiled a little, thinking how desperately she still wanted to have married Gerard. “Not me.”  
“Ellis Island, ladies.” A man came up with a clipboard. “Names?”  
“Lisa Anne. Lisa Anne Ferguson.” She looked at Dana. “And this is Dana.”  
Dana forced a smile. “Daniella. Daniella Antonia Caffrey.”  
“So, Daniella Antonia Caffrey.” Lisa looked at her. “You’re in America. Land of Opportunity, especially if you’re rich like you. What’s the plan?”  
Dana paused thoughtfully. “There’s a manservant I plan to hire, a baby to have, a house to buy… and I think I’d like to go to art college.” She suddenly saw her big jewellery box on the deck and ran over and scooped it up, clutching it against her chest and thinking of the white gold chain Gerard loved so much. She began to cry again and Lisa put her arm around her. “I… I have a chain I wore in my hair. Gerard loved it. I remember him running it through his fingers the night we got engaged. He wanted me to wear it at our wedding. It’s in here. So is an almandine garnet necklace he loved. I… I’m glad it didn’t wind up in the sea with everything else.” She sniffed. “He loved that chain…”  
“Do you want to grab anything else while we’re here?” Lisa gestured around the deck.  
Dana looked around. It was all ballgowns, makeup, meaningless stuff… and Gerard’s suit, and matching bow tie and cummerbund from the night before that he got such a kick out of. She sprinted over and grabbed them, remembering his battered little suitcase and pulling it out of her trunk, stuffing everything except the suitcase into two pillowcases. “All of that…” She gestured around. “It’s meaningless. I don’t know why I ever had it, but these…” She tucked the suitcase under her arm. “These are his, and they’re things he loved. This suitcase and satchel are everything he ever owned. They were worth everything to him.” She bit her lip. “Now they’re worth everything to me.”


	24. 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All prices are in 1956 USD value, so to get current prices multiply by 9.98.
> 
> From now on, the default language switches to English.

27 July 1956

As Stockholm was manouevred awkwardly into its pier by the tugboats, Dana desperately scanned the crowd of desperate waiting families and journalists from the top of the makeshift gangplank near the shattered bow. Please be there, please be there, please be there, I need you to be there…  
It was as the gangplank was finally lowered that she saw a tall, skinny figure uncharacteristically shove his way to the front of the crowd and hold out his arms. “Oh my God, oh my God, Mikes, you’re alive!” Dana ran down the gangplank to him and jumped into his arms, burying her face in his neck and wrapping her legs around his waist, attracting a swarm of journalists interested in the huge bloodstains and stitches, as well as the amount of nubile young leg on show. “I didn’t know, no one knew, oh my God, I’m so glad you’re here, I’ve needed you so much, there was no radio on the boat-“  
“I got taken on Ile de France, everyone still in the ballroom did, and I looked everywhere for you on board, I asked everyone, and we transmitted to every boat we could but no one knew anything, and then I heard… then I heard it hit your cabin, that it was totally gone, and everyone said you and Gerard would have either been killed in the crash or drowned afterwards, and Dana, you look, I mean, you’re always beautiful, but… oh God…” Mikey just shook his head and held her tighter. “And I’ve been here every day, I haven’t slept since the moment I got off Ile de France, I’ve just been standing here waiting all day and all night, I… I had to know.” He stroked her hair as she finally let go of him. “Is-“ He took a deep breath. “Is Gerard with you?” He suddenly saw the saint’s medal around her neck and the blood soaked into her clothes and skin and started to shake his head again, tears running down his face as he seemed to collapse in on himself. “Oh God, Dana, he’s… he’s not, right, please, please tell me he’s not-“  
Dana stared at him for a minute. Oh God, how do I say this? I can’t say this. I can’t do this to him.“Mikes, I… I…” I have to do this to him. Gerard would have wanted me to be the one to tell him. Dana burst into tears and hugged him again, burying her face in his chest. Do it, Dana. You have to do it. Now. NOW. “He died, Mikes, he died, I’m so sorry, he only lived maybe 2 or 3 minutes after Stockholm hit us, I tried to help him but he just lost… he lost so much blood so fast, but the doctor said he wouldn’t have felt any pain, it would have felt like going to sleep, and he got his last rites, I held his hand the whole time, and he said he wasn’t afraid-“  
“Oh God…” Mikey started to cry and hugged her tighter. “I’m so sorry you went through that alone…”  
Dana looked up at him in shock. “No, no, I’m sorry, I got to hold him and comfort him, I held his hand, you… you just didn’t know, you just waited here for days…”  
“It’s OK, Dana, it’s OK.” Mikey kissed her forehead, half of him feeling like he was dying inside and the other half convinced he was already dead. “It’s OK.” Yeah, Mikey, keep saying that and maybe you’ll believe it one day. “It’s all going to be OK…”  
“But I saved his music and his art.” Dana managed a small smile and held up the satchel. ”I saw… I saw it lying on the deck after this guy dragged me away, so I punched him in the balls and I ran and grabbed it.”  
“Sounds like you.” Mikey smiled a little. “Look, I know you’ll be wishing I’m someone else, and… and that I’ll never really be who you want me to be, but… but I understand, and that’s OK.” He swallowed nervously and got down on one knee. “Dana, will you marry me?”  
Dana didn’t hesitate for a second. “Yes.”  
A huge cheer went up and what seemed like hundreds of camera flashbulbs went off as he stood up and hugged her close. “Dana, I love you so, so much, and I swear I’m not trying to take his place…”  
“I know.” Dana hugged him back, her eyes closed as she imagined someone else’s voice, someone else hugging her tight. “I love you too.” She swallowed. “Mikes, I need you to book one of those scumbag loitering hearses. They’re going to unload 45 of these… awful bags I saw them carrying soon, and I’m going to have to identify him, OK?”  
Mikey tried to put his arm round her. “Dana, I can-“  
“NO!” Dana took a deep breath. “No. I have to do it. I was with him at the end. It’s the last thing I can do for him.” She wiped her eyes. “I mean, does that make sense? Do you understand that at all?”  
Mikey nodded. “I do. I understand everything. You’re the only person who loved him as much as I did.” He kissed her forehead. “But I’m here if you need me.” He squeezed her hand. “I always will be.”  
Dana smiled softly. “I know.”

Dana walked from bag to bag as they were unloaded roughly onto the dock, looking at the faces of the people inside through the unzipped top halves. Some of them could have been asleep, and some of them had such horrific injuries she didn’t think anyone could recognise them. One woman, and she could only assume it was a woman because of her floral nightgown, looked as if someone had attacked her with a giant cheese grater. Another man was almost completely covered in horrific burns. She saw Marie’s five year old sister, her pink pyjamas ripped and stained with blood and half her face torn away. Dana was almost afraid to see Gerard now, afraid of how he might look when she saw him, wondering whether her memory had blocked out something horrific. Suddenly, she was terribly, terribly glad she hadn’t put Mikey through this.

It was towards the back of the second row of bodies that she finally found him.  
“Gerard, oh, Gerard…” It finally really hit her, that he was actually dead, that he was really gone and never going to come back to her with his intense eyes, crooked grin, dirty laugh, odd giggles, and soft New Jersey accent, and she started to cry. “Oh, Gerard…” She knelt down next to him and stroked his thick black hair, leaning down to kiss his forehead. He was so pale that his skin was snow-white and his lips were an unnatural purplish-white colour, but he didn’t look like he’d suffered, despite the blood staining his face and chest and a small contusion above his right eyebrow. Actually, he mostly just looked peaceful. His eyes were closed, and his mouth was open just enough that she could see his front teeth, just as it always was when she watched him sleep on his back. She smiled to herself, remembering how she’d traced her fingers across his chest as he slept and watched him smile, and then her breath caught in her throat as she traced her fingertip along one of the stark white tear tracks running through the crimson bloodstains and down his cheeks. She quickly tried to rub them off with the sleeve of her pyjama shirt, she couldn’t stand the marks or the memory of how he’d cried and begged as he died, but they wouldn’t come off and she didn’t want to scrub too hard in case she hurt him. She tried not to look and laid her forehead against his, flinching for a second at how cold his skin felt, kissed him gently and started to stroke his cheeks with her thumbs. “I love you, Gerard. I will always love you. I already miss you every second of every day, and I have no idea how I’m meant to survive the next sixty years without you. I promise I’ll tell our baby every day about how much fun, and how amazing, and how brave, and how caring his or her father was. Mikes will play and sing them your songs and… and I’m going to frame the picture you drew of our first meeting at the piano and hang it in the house. The one you drew of me the night you went to the stern of the ship… I’m going to put it in your hands before they close and lock your… your…” Dana swallowed. “Your coffin, along with the hair chain you loved and wanted me to wear at our wedding.” She kissed him gently. “I’m going to marry your brother, and we’re going to raise the baby as our child, but I’ll put your name on the birth certificate, and I will never stop loving you or thinking of you.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes, writing “WAY” on the tag and signalling to Mikey, holding up the tag that read “#36” so he could sign the right line on the form being shoved at him. It suddenly occurred to her that it felt like signing for a package at the post office, and for a minute she wasn’t sure if she wanted to break down, throw up, or laugh hysterically. She leaned down and laid her forehead on Gerard’s again, cradling his face in her hands and stroking his cheeks. “It’s not fair that it has to be this way, but… I’ll bring the baby to the cemetery, I promise.” She bit her lip and kissed him again, her lips lingering on his because she knew this was the last time she ever would. “I’ll miss you, Gerard. You’re the love of my life. Forever.” She sat up, closed up the bag, and wiped her eyes as the men from the funeral home took him away.  
“They gave us a contact number and address,” said Mikey quietly. “I told them not to touch him except to wash off the blood and put a suit on him, and otherwise just to, uh, leave him as he was. No make-up, no embalming, nothing.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “Are you OK?”  
“Yeah. Uh-huh.” Dana swallowed. “Mikes, I’m not going to try and stop you, it’s… it’s just not my place, but… please don’t go to look at him. Please. Not after everything you went through when you were young. I mean, he looks peaceful, but he’s still, you know, obviously dead, and he wouldn’t want you to see him that way. Have your last memory of him be of seeing him smiling and waving to you as we left the ball together, and of you two calling each other a bitch and a jerk when he told you to go back to the piano. He cared more about you than anyone else in the world… probably even me.” She smiled softly at him. “Let me take care of everything until the coffin’s closed and locked. I’ll go down there first thing tomorrow with everything. I’m putting in his favourite sketch of me, and the chain he loved that he wanted me to wear at our wedding… so if there’s anything you want in there… let me know.”  
“My special comics collection, the bagged and boarded ones I hide at our off-voyage lodgings in Bayonne,” said Mikey immediately. “He always wanted it.” He wiped his eyes. “I never even let him read them. I… I even hid them from him. I wanted to keep them mint.” He started to cry again. “It was so selfish, everything he did for me and I-“  
“Mikes… don’t blame yourself.” She looked at him seriously. “If you hadn’t agreed to play that dance you would definitely have been killed, and so would I, and he could never have lived with that. I’ve run it over and over and over in my head. There’s no scenario where all of us could have lived. He would have… I think he would have preferred it this way. It’s just how he was.” She looked down. “But I’m begging you, Mikes. Don’t look. Please. He would have hated to put you through that.”  
Mikey smiled sadly. “You knew him so well.”  
“I do,” said Dana simply. “I loved him.”  
“And he loved you.” Mikey stroked her arm. “Dana, your mother is sedated at the Waldorf-“  
“- so we’ll hire a two-bed suite long term at the Plaza until we find a house. I’m done with her. She’ll probably throw a party when she first hears Gerard is dead. As far as she knows, I’m dead too, and I intend to keep it that way.” Dana wrinkled her nose as she picked up her pillowcases of Gerard’s things and his battered suitcase. “Come on, Mikes, let’s get away from this awful place. You’ll like the Plaza. I have a new name and we have nearly $31 million to play with for now, plus an extra $100 million when I become a silent partner at 18.”  
“Wait, $131 million?!” Mikey’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “I’d joked with Gerard about being a trophy husband, but we were thinking more like $500,000 tops…” His mouth was still hanging open. “I mean, I’ve never even thought of that much money before…”  
Dana smiled to herself, feeling a fresh pang of loss. Gerard would have gotten such a kick out of prancing around and calling himself a trophy husband. She wondered how long it would have taken to persuade him to stop wearing her lipstick. “Well, we’re going to buy a house here, hire a manservant named Cesar and a maid named Maria from that jerk Prince Biscari, and I’m going to get my GED and go to college while we raise the baby. I know you were high school valedictorian. Gerard told me. Three times. He was… he was really proud.” She smiled a little and squeezed Mikey’s hand. “So maybe you can go to college too, if you want.” She swallowed. “I… we… can replace everything we lost over the next few weeks. OK?” She suddenly burst into tears. “Oh God, well, not everything, I didn’t mean that, I swear, never everything, but… everyday material things. The things that don’t matter. Stuff people think is their whole life until they experience a loss like ours.” She wiped her eyes. “Give me a list of your comics you lost on Doria, Mikes, and I’ll have a store hunt them down. They’re all you had. You should still have them.”  
Mikey blinked, opened his mouth to thank her, and promptly blurted out “You are the strongest woman I have ever known.”  
Dana smiled shyly and wiped her eyes again.  
“Miss? Miss!” A woman ran over. “I’m from Bloomingdale’s, and we’re giving free clothes in the latest styles to survivors from Andrea Doria. Would you like a dress and maybe a coat, some undergarments, stockings and… uh…” She eyed Dana’s boots, trying not to stare at the huge bloodstains on her clothes and skin. “And some… uh… real shoes?”  
Dana instinctively flinched. “No, I…” She hesitated. “You know, actually… actually, that might be a good idea.” She handed her things to Mikey and went into a little cubicle with clothes and some wet towels to clean the blood off her skin and change out of her blood-soaked negligee and awful boots into a basic flared floral dress, flat ballet shoes like the ones Gerard loved, and a yellow summer cardigan, with an embroidered shoulder bag that closed with a bow-shaped clasp, although she’d be damned before she’d let go of Gerard’s plaid pyjama top. She tucked it safely into the Bloomingdale’s bag with the extra underclothes and dresses the saleslady had given her, knowing she wouldn’t let go of it for the rest of her life. “Better?”  
“Yes. Much.” Mikey shouldered her two stuffed pillowcases and somehow held all the other luggage in one hand. “I didn’t want to say anything before, but… well, let’s just say that the Plaza will probably let you in now.”  
Dana laughed, realising with a jolt that it was her first genuine laugh in days and feeling an immediate wave of guilt. I am a terrible person. God, I am a terrible person. I can’t believe Gerard died to save me. It should have been the other way around. He shouldn’t have died. Gerard should never have died. “Come on, Mikes. Let’s get a cab.”

Mikey was lying awake in his room in the Plaza, and he still couldn’t get over the size and opulence of the damn suite. It was twice the size of the apartment he grew up in and definitely much nicer, and came with its own laundry and dry cleaning service, maid, and, if you wanted, butler. When he’d been standing in the doorway with his mouth hanging open, staring at all the gold trims and paintings and wood panelling and thick Persian rugs and chandeliers and huge windows overlooking a big pond in Central Park - or, as Dana corrected him, ‘The Pond’ - and the streets of the city, and at the randomly placed tables with enormous flower arrangements on them, Dana had reminded him mischievously that he was a kept husband now, or would be once she bought her wedding dress the next day, and then promptly burst into tears and sobbed hysterically until he called a doctor and had her sedated again. It was like a reminder of how bad a husband he was going to be, however much he loved her, and he felt a deep stab of pain whenever he thought about it. Her morning sickness was still so bad that he’d carried her from where she passed out from the sedatives on the couch into the smaller bedroom rather than the large one and tucked her into bed there because it had its own private bathroom, on top of the suite’s shared one. He’d told the doctor about how sick she was every day and she’d been diagnosed with something called hyperemesis gravidarum, prescribed a daily medication called promethazine to treat it, and referred to an OB-GYN at NYU Hospital for her pregnancy. It was the first time it had actually officially been confirmed that she was pregnant, and he was both elated for his brother and crushed that his brother wasn’t there to hear it for himself. After the doctor had left, he’d managed to rouse her enough to get her to swallow one of the promethazine pills, and then once she was asleep again he’d gone to his room and cried, properly cried, for the first time since the shattering bang and lurch that sent him and half the ballroom furniture flying across the room seconds before he left to go to bed. He knew now that if he’d left a minute earlier and got down to his cabin on A deck, he’d be dead, and oddly the idea of drowning surrounded by water scared him more than the idea of dying. He’d still prefer it to having to live without his brother though. He felt emptier than he ever had in his life, like someone had scraped out his entire soul and left nothing but an empty void in its place.  
He shifted uncomfortably in the bed. He’d never slept in a room alone before, aside from the last few days on Doria when Gerard was with Dana, and then he’d had the constant buzz of the crew deck around him. Hell, he’d never slept in a room without his brother before. He’d never slept in a king size bed before either. It felt too big, like he’d stolen it from an angry giant who might come and ask for it back. He smiled to himself, thinking how much Gerard would have laughed at him for that, and suddenly found himself blinking back tears. The grief kept hitting him in powerful waves that felt like a sickening, crushing punch in the gut, but it was mixed in with moments of vague normality or even happiness that he immediately felt guilty about. Was he doing this right? Was he a bad brother for not being as shattered as Dana was? No, not shattered. She wasn’t exactly ‘shattered’. Actually, Dana seemed to be slowly cycling between a deep depression and a sort of mild mania, and it worried him.  
Then again, what did he know? He was just a pianist, even if he had said he wanted to be a doctor in his high school valedictorian speech (and Gerard had actually cried when he did his speech and got his diploma, and then called him a bitch when he called him on it later.) Gerard was the smart one. Gerard would have known what to do. Gerard should have been the one that lived, not him. Gerard had a fiancee, a baby coming. Gerard was the good brother, not the loser one. Gerard should be alive and here with Dana, and he should be the one in the box in some dark room in Chelsea with a crushed spine, every major blood vessel slashed open, and half his internal organs in pieces. At least Dana had missed that horrible joking comment and then unwanted explanation from the mortician in the hearse when he took a glance inside the slash in Gerard’s back. He’d had to ask them quietly to stitch up his beloved brother’s back before they put the suit on and leave it off the official bill they gave her, and then slip them 50 dollars cash to first do it and then to lie about doing it. If he couldn’t live with knowing, God knows how she ever would.  
“Mikes?” There was a small voice from the doorway.  
He rolled over and saw Dana hovering there nervously in her new black negligee. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to wear a white negligee again, not after… not after… she’d see the ghosts of those awful stains every time she looked at it. “Yes, Dana? Is the promethazine I got prescribed for you working OK?”  
“Yes… yes it is, thank you. Thank you for getting it for me, Mikes.” Dana smiled gratefully. “I… can I come climb into bed with you?” She shifted awkwardly, hugging herself and rubbing her bare arms. “Mine feels… it feels wrong… like, cold and empty without him..." She bit her lip, tears in her eyes.  
“Oh, Dana, sure.” Mikey shuffled over and flipped open the covers and she saw he had the same plaid pyjamas as Gerard, just in blue and black, and almost threw up.  
She hesitated. “Do you… do you have boxer shorts on under your pyjamas?”  
Mikey frowned. He wasn’t sure he liked where this was going. “…Yes?” It had been a habit he couldn’t break ever since the maiden voyage of Andrea Doria, when Gerard had unexpectedly pantsed him in the middle of a busy crew corridor.  
“Can you take your pyjamas off first?” Dana suddenly realised what this sounded like. “Not, like, as a sex thing, obviously, but just for the, you know, skin contact.” She blushed bright red. “I just need some human closeness, just some human warmth, some… life…”  
“Uh…sure?” Mikey reluctantly pushed off his pyjama bottoms and unbuttoned his shirt, throwing both of them on the floor as Dana climbed into the bed and snuggled back against him, pressing every inch of herself against his body as he awkwardly wrapped his arms around her. Do not get hard, Mikey. Do not get hard. It doesn’t matter if you can’t control it. It doesn’t matter if it once happened during a documentary about bees. This not the time. This is, in fact, the worst time. “Is that OK?”  
“That’s perfect.” Dana took one of his hands and moved it down to rest on her stomach. "Mikes... this is going to sound so stupid, but a part of me is afraid to sleep, because I know that if I go to sleep, I’m obviously going to be wake up, and then I'll be happy for a second or two, but then suddenly it’s going to be over because he’s gone, and it’s like losing him all over again, every time, and... and..." She looked at him, tears on her cheeks. "Does that sound crazy?"  
"No, Dana. It just sounds like you're grieving, which you are." Mikey kissed her forehead. "You're not crazy, you're just... you just miss him. So do I. I'll always miss him. It's OK, Dana. You can go to sleep, and I'll be here to comfort you whenever you need me." He stroked her hair soothingly and hugged her tight. "OK?"  
"OK." Dana smiled and closed her eyes. “Love you, Mikes.” She paused and suddenly wrapped her arms tightly around his, closing her fingers around his hands. “I’m so glad you’re here, Mikes, I really am…”  
“I’m glad you’re here too.” He kissed her cheek as she finally drifted off to sleep naturally for the first time in days. “And I love you too, Dana.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, remember that this was an actual disaster. For every one of those bags there was a Dana and a Mikey waiting for them, often waiting at the pier for days in the hope a ship might arrive with news. Entire families were wiped out, in one case where the parents had immigrated to Indiana to get established and then sent for their children and the rest of their family. Their children were all killed, but one aunt survived.
> 
> There was a girl called Linda Morgan travelling in cabin 54 with her sister. Linda was thrown onto the deck of Stockholm and found by a Swedish sailor. Her sister was killed. The entire time their father, who was a seriously well-known news anchor at the time, was reporting the news impartially and without emotion, despite knowing that he had lost most or all of his family. The first broadcast he makes after Linda Morgan's story came out is posted online and definitely worth seeing.
> 
> So, you can't just scroll past when you tear up and find it hard to read, and tell yourself it's not real... it is. it happened, and it was horrific. Remember the next time you go on a cruise or a ferry and listen to the muster instructions and know how to use the safety features every time you fly so you're ready if something happens. It's one in a million, but everyone thought Doria could survive anything too. They were wrong.


	25. 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All prices are in 1957 USD value, so to get current prices multiply by 9.98.
> 
> The house I described actually exists, but in a town in upstate New York. In the story, it's located near my old apartment in New York City.
> 
> *and, future mothers: what Dana says is, in truth, a good way to prevent perineal tearing.

April 9, 1957

“Are you all right there, Dana?” Mikey leaned over the second floor rail of their sweeping staircase.  
“I’m fine. It’s just more Braxton-Hicks. Cesar is making me some tea while I go and lie down in our room.” Dana winced and hauled her huge and overdue pregnant belly up another step. Usually their bedroom was on the third floor, but for the previous month it had been moved to the lower guest room because Dana simply could not haul herself up two flights of stairs any more. “Just go back to your knitting, Grandma.”  
Mikey blushed bright red and slunk back to his spot in the sitting room and the rapidly growing pile of knitted baby clothes and blankets and toys. “If you tell anyone I learned to knit I swear to God I will not hug you at night for a whole week.”  
“Liar.” Dana finally reached the top of the stairs and gave him a look, and Mikey silently kicked himself. He was an awful liar, especially when it came to Dana.  
“OK, fine, I will.” He hung his head.  
“You’re adorable.” Dana grinned. “Love you, Mikes.”  
Mikey smiled. “I love you too, Dana.”  
It was the routine now for them to share the bed in the master bedroom, which had a tall spire ceiling. Mikey liked the master bedroom, and not just because Dana was there, although that was a big part of it. It wasn’t a sexual thing, their sharing a bed, more a comfortable, reassuring thing (however much he still loved her desperately inside.) He quite liked (actually, loved) snuggling up to her at night with his hand on her belly, feeling the baby kicking and listening to her almost-silent curses as she tried to sleep through it, and she secretly quite liked (actually, loved) it too.  
When they had first bought the place in Hamilton Heights, and Dana had been talking to the estate agent about original features and high ceilings and taxes and maintenance and whether she could buy the empty lot behind it to extend the existing back yard, Mikey had just stared at this incredibly bizarre tall, narrow three-story house with an attached two-story side wing and wide stone front steps leading up to an enormous arched front door. The house was painted pale yellow with mauve window frames and trim, and the tiled mansard roof was dark grey slate with tall pale yellow dormer windows that sat flush to the disused widow's walk surrounding the top of the house beneath them. It had an actual four-story octagonal tower with a tall pointed spire set into the far left of the front of the main house, tall arched windows, and a raised wraparound porch with mauve columns and rails and plain oak posts that protruded out over the front door. The entire bottom floor of the side wing was floor to ceiling glass framed in arches of dark oak (according to Dana, it was called a ‘three-season room’) with small stained glass panels at the top of each pane. It looked like something out of a gothic novel, and it was all the more wonderfully weird for being the only detached house on the side of a street dominated by row houses and apartment buildings. It was as if Ichabod Crane had left his house there by mistake while visiting Alexander Hamilton across the street and might come back for it later. Mikey and Dana had both fallen in love with it on sight and moved in a week later after a now six-months-pregnant, deeply uncomfortable, and very impatient Dana offhandedly passed the ecstatic owners a box of cash and offered them $10,000 more if they could be out in a week, and then sent Mikey out to antiques auction houses with endless lists and instructions to buy the furniture and things like rugs and paintings (she wanted Jackson Pollock 'action paintings' and lots of paintings by a 'Walter Sickert') while she lay on the bed in the Plaza and cursed.  
The entrance hall was two floors high at the front and had a sweeping staircase leading up to the second floor, which started as a mezzanine balcony at the top. Mikey had his beloved new grand piano set up at the front of the mezzanine, and as much as he loved to play it and look out of the huge arched windows at the front of the house onto their small front yard (now fenced and gated in black wrought iron because of the upcoming baby and busy St Nicholas Avenue outside) and the increasingly large rowan tree he’d planted in the front corner because of the ingrained Irish superstition that it would keep harmful witches and bad luck away, he still couldn’t quite shake the feeling that he had stolen what should have been Gerard’s life. Instead of sitting here playing his piano, waiting for his baby to be born and sleeping in the main bedroom with his wife, Gerard was buried in the Trinity Church cemetery 20 blocks away beneath a black marble headstone with a small photo of him smiling cheerfully in a round gold frame at the top and his name and dates engraved in gold. The bedroom that would have been Mikey’s if he hadn’t married Gerard’s fiancee was now just another guest bedroom, and sometimes rather than feel it looking at him accusingly from across the hall he hid from it in the second-floor sitting room and knitted baby blankets and cardigans and onesies and hats and shoes in dozens of different colours and sizes, hoping he was at least doing some sort of worthwhile penance. He’d painted the large room directly across from the main bedroom a warm yellow with white windowsills, baseboards, and doors, and then laid the hardwood floor himself rather than agree to hire any builders. He’d built and painted all the white baby furniture himself in the basement workshop, then spent three painful weeks flat on his back on some scaffolding painting the ceiling a rich navy blue-toned black with silver stars in an painstakingly accurate view of the night sky, marking where the constellations were in the sky with little white lines between the stars and their names painted freehand beside them in gold. After that came two months of frantically designing and creating music-themed mobiles and stencils and curtains until Dana gently told him that it was OK to stop, and that he’d done more than enough. He frowned and went back to his current knitted cardigan. He didn’t feel like he had.  
Suddenly he heard a thump from the bedroom and a curse. “Dana? Dana, are you alright? Did you fall?” Mikey got up and ran across the hall to find her standing in front of the bed in a massive pool of… something.  
“No.” Dana looked at him, and then at the massive flight of stairs she was about to have to climb back down. “But I’m fairly sure this means these aren’t Braxton-Hicks.”

“Mr Way, I normally keep the husbands away from the messy parts, but your wife is nearly 30 seconds apart, more than halfway through delivery, and she is suddenly refusing to push until some Gerard is here!” The obstetrician was beside himself. “I really don’t want to have to make this surgical when she’s this far along. The baby is already crowning. It would be extremely dangerous. Talk to her. Who is this Gerard? Why isn’t he here if he’s so important?”  
“Gerard is… was… my older brother.” Mikey looked down. “They were engaged first. He… well, he died. It’s still raw for us.” He swallowed. “It’s his baby. That’s why she’s crying for him, and… and not for me.” He felt himself start to tear up and wiped his eyes impatiently. Hold it together, Mikey. This is not about you. This is not the time for you to fall apart because she still loves your dead brother and will never love you. “I don’t know what to tell you. I… I don’t know what to do.”  
“TALK TO HER! DO… SOMETHING!” Dr Lilly threw his hands in the air. “You know, normally the husbands stay in the waiting room, but I think you’re the exception.” He grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into the delivery room. “Dana, you have to push. If you don’t push, we will do a late stage C-section and not only could one or both of you die, you will never have any more children. I’ve brought your husband to try and talk you into it, OK?”  
“Mikes, Mikes, I got to thinking about that song he wrote about faking his death, and maybe that’s what he did!” Dana’s pupils were so blown he wondered how many drugs they’d given her so far. Clearly not good ones. “I can’t let him miss it! Maybe he’s about to come right back in!”  
“Dana… as much as I would like that to be true, he’s not.” Mikey stroked her arm soothingly and then awkwardly climbed into the bed behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “I am the only person Gerard loved as much as he loved you, and I know that the Gerard you loved would not do that to you. We both know that. Gerard is not going to walk through that door, and you know it, and I’m sorry… but the Dana I know is brave, and independent, and strong, and she would not be too scared to push when she needed to! OK? OK?!”  
“Yes.” Dana nodded tearfully. “OK.”  
That worked? Mikey tried to hide his surprise. “OK?”  
Dana nodded and gritted her teeth. “OK!”  
“That’s my girl.” He took a deep breath and took both her hands in his. “Come on Dana. You can push back against me if you need to. Now, PUSH!”  
Dana burst into tears, planted her feet firmly in the stirrups and pushed as hard as she could, pushing her body back against Mikey’s and crushing both his hands into pulp. He swore silently, trying to remember the breathing classes for his own pain. He was fairly sure husbands didn’t get to share the gas and air. “OK, there you go, Dana, now we’re going!” He leaned down to kiss her cheek. “You can do this, OK?”  
Dana nodded frantically, clutching at his hands and pulling his arms around her. “I can do this, I can do this OH SHIT!” He felt her hands clamp down hard again and she threw her head back against his shoulder, swearing loudly.  
“See, now, Dana, most young ladies wouldn’t know words like that.” Mikey smiled and squeezed her hands. “But you do, and that’s why I love you.”  
“Love you too, Mikes.” Dana laid her cheek against his shoulder, gasping heavily. “It hurts, Mikes, it hurts…”  
“I know, but you’re still going to do this.” Mikey kissed her forehead. “Breathe, Dana, breathe…”  
“I THINK I KNOW ENOUGH TO KNOW TO FUCKING BREATHE!” Dana’s hands clamped tightly around his and she hunched down, cursing and pushing as hard as she could. “Ow, ow, ow OW OWWWWW!”  
Yes, ‘ow’. That just about covered it. Mikey cautiously flexed his fingers as she let go of his hands and fell back against his chest, wondering if he’d ever play the piano again.  
“How much more, Laura, how much more?” Dana looked desperately at the nurse sitting between her knees. “Is the baby nearly there?”  
“Yes, Dana, the baby’s shoulders are almost out!” The nurse looked up encouragingly. “One more big push, OK?”  
“OK.” Dana looked up at Mikey and kissed him. “OK?”  
Whoa. Mikey blinked. He’d have to remember to keep a stock of whatever they gave her at home. He took her hands in his and squeezed them reassuringly. “OK!”  
Dana took a deep breath. “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this…”  
Mikey kissed her cheek. “You CAN do this.”  
She smiled at him, took a deep breath and began to push as hard as she could, crushing Mikey’s hands and letting out a shrieked stream of profanity that almost drowned out the sound of the baby’s first howls a few seconds later. “Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Way, you have a son!” Dr Lilly held up a howling baby boy and laid him on his front on Dana’s chest.  
“Oh my God… oh my God…” Mikey’s mouth was hanging open as he reached out towards the baby, its little hand closing around his finger. “Oh wow…”  
Laura scooped the baby up and started to efficiently clean him off. “If you think you’re going to faint, Mr Way, you can-“  
“No, it’s… he’s incredible…” He bit his lip and hugged Dana tightly. “I am so proud of you, Dana…”  
“He’d never have gotten here without you.” Dana looked at him and smiled. “You pick his first name. Gerard and I already chose his second.”  
Mikey stared at her. “No, Dana, no, I can’t-“  
Dana stared right back. “Yes, you can. Mikes. You cured my morning sickness, made his clothes, created his incredible nursery, drove me to every appointment, massaged my back, rubbed my feet, tied my shoelaces and painted my toenails for me when I couldn’t see my feet any more, fetched and carried and brought me everything and anything, and you made me tea and did everything else I could ever need… and, when I most desperately needed you, you were there to help me through the most difficult part of his birth. Mikes… I loved your brother. No, I ADORED your brother, he was my world, and he saved my life in the accident, but… I only got to know him for a week. You’ve been here for a full nine months so far. I’m sure Gerard would have been a wonderful father too, and a part of me will always love him, but however much I tell the baby about Gerard as he grows up, you are not taking anyone’s place or stealing anyone’s life. In everything except the most basic way, you are his father, and you always will be."  
"Impressive, Dana. 9lbs 3oz, and next to no tearing." Laura smiled. "You'll have to share your secret."  
Dana gave Mikey a mischievous look. "I had someone around who was willing to massage moisturiser and oils onto the 'good china' twice a day. Makes everything much more flexible."  
Laura's eyes widened as Dana took her new son from the her and smiled down at him, then looked back at Mikey, who was blushing furiously. “Mikes, if you don’t pick right now, I will name him after the worst man on Earth.”  
Mikey’s mouth fell open. “Not-“  
“Yes, that horrible little man that owns the deli where they sell that cheese you like. He’ll be Yonatan FOREVER, and what’s more, I’ll tell him you named our child after him.” Mikey could see a little smile twitching at the corners of Dana’s mouth as she held her baby in her arms.  
Mikey hesitated. “Well, is it OK if… if…” He looked at her. “Would it be too much of me to call him Gerard?”  
Dana bit her lip. “No, it would be perfect…” She stroked the baby’s cheek and smiled. “You’ll never guess what my Gerard and I chose for his middle name.”  
Mikey looked up from holding one of baby Gerard’s tiny curled-up hands between his fingertips. “What?”  
Dana grinned. “Michael.”

Dana stirred in the middle of the night and rolled over, rubbing her eyes. Mikey was still asleep on the fold-out cot on one side of the bed, but she could hear the baby cooing at someone and, other than her, the baby hated everyone except Mikey. She looked at the baby’s plastic hospital crib on the other side of the bed and saw that he had kicked off the little yellow blanket Mikey had knitted and was waving his tiny arms and legs happily at a dark-haired man leaning over him.  
“Hello?” She frowned suspiciously and sat up. “Who are you? Are you a doctor? What are you doing with my baby?”  
“He looks like my mother.” Gerard looked up at her and smiled, and Dana’s mouth fell open. He looked healthy again, pale-skinned but with a healthy flush to his cheeks and peach-pink lips, a huge smile on his face. “…Gerard? You…” You can’t be here. You’re dead. “Gerard, I don’t…”  
“That night on MS Stockholm, Dana, when you were holding me in your arms…” Gerard looked up at her through his long dark eyelashes. “When I was dying that night, I… I knew.” He tucked the blanket back around the baby and stroked the soft, downy black hair on his head. “I didn’t want to tell you I knew, not then, it would have just upset you more to tell you I was going to die, but I… I had to see him, I knew I had to see him, so I…” He swallowed. “So I looked up and I prayed harder than I ever have for anything in my life, just for one look at my baby. I begged to see my baby.” He stroked the baby’s face. “Do you remember that?”  
“Of course, of course I do, I… I cried for you when I was pregnant, for your loss, and so did Mikes, but… but Gerard… no one knew that.” Dana stared at him. “No one knew that except you and me. I never even told your brother about that. I… well, I just didn’t feel it was mine to tell.”  
“I know.” Gerard held out his hand and the baby reached up and grasped his father’s finger with a happy giggle. “I could have asked for anything, Dana, and I wanted to see you again, I so badly wanted the chance to see you again, but most of all… most of all, I wanted the chance to just see my baby. Now I have.” He smiled and quickly wiped his eyes. “I always wanted a son.”  
“I know.” Dana swallowed. “I know you did.”  
Gerard stroked her cheek. “It didn’t hurt, Dana. I promise.”  
Dana bit her lip and nodded. “I’m glad.”  
“And you were there with me. My last memory… the last thing I felt, after everything else was gone, was you holding my hand. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t hear. I couldn’t move. My heart had stopped. I wasn’t breathing. Everything was fading away… but… you were there, and you were holding my hand.” Gerard stroked her hair. “And that was more than I could ever need.”  
Dana looked at him with tears in her eyes. “I… I’ve missed you.”  
“I’ve missed you too.” Gerard smiled softly at her. “But I don’t mind how close you’re getting to my brother, if you thought you needed my blessing.”  
“No, Gerard…” Dana shook her head. “Gerard, I’m so sorry I told Mikes the baby was his son-”  
“No, Dana, you didn’t. You told Mikey he was the baby’s father… and he will be. There’s a difference. My name will always be on the “father” line on his birth certificate, and he’ll still be my son, but Mikey will be the man who raises him with you.” Gerard was still happily playing with his child, laughing quietly as he tickled the baby’s stomach and watched him wriggle. “Mikey loves you and our baby more than anything in the world, and I think you might love him too.” Dana opened her mouth to protest and he held up his hand to stop her. “Dana, it’s OK. You’re two of the three most important people to me in the entire world. I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have raise my son. He leaned down and kissed the baby’s forehead, its fat little fingers grasping at his thick black hair. “What's his name?”  
“It’s…” Dana smiled a little. “It’s Gerard. Your brother chose it.”  
“Well, someone with a name that cool is definitely going to be one awesome guy.” Gerard grinned. “I wish I could stay with you so we could watch him grow up together… but I know you and my brother are going to do an amazing job. Who knows, maybe he’ll go to Columbia too. I know Mikey’s applying there next year for pre-med.”  
Dana wiped her eyes again. “I wish you could stay too. I…” She swallowed again. “I wish you’d never gone at all…”  
“Yeah, me too.” Gerard smiled sadly, leaned down and kissed her. Dana felt how warm and soft his lips were, how perfect, how they had been before the accident, and she was suddenly hit by a powerful sense of loss.  
“Then… then…” Dana managed to choke back tears. “Then why are you leaving again, you’re here now, so why can’t you stay forever-“  
Gerard smiled gently and stroked her cheek. “Because that wasn’t part of the deal.”  
Dana looked up at him. “Kiss me again, Gerard.”  
He looked at her and raised his eyebrows.  
Dana finally started to cry, silent tears running down her face. “Couples never think it’s going to be their last kiss, they always… a part of them always assumes there will be another one, so… so they never really savour it enough while it lasts, and then it’s too late…” She bit her lip. “It’s always too late…”  
Gerard smiled and took her hand. “I always savoured every one of ours. Every time.”  
“Me too.” Dana smiled a little and squeezed his hand. “But-“  
“I know.” Gerard leaned forward, his hand in her hair as he laid his forehead against hers, and then he gently ran his thumb along her lower lip as he kissed the tears off her cheeks, looking deeply into her eyes. He smiled, leaned in slowly, and kissed her, running his tongue around the inside of her lips. Dana slid her hand up the back of his neck and pulled him in closer, pressing her lips more firmly against his as he kissed her passionately. She cradled the sides of his face in her hands, stroking his cheeks and trying to somehow will her lips to linger for as long as possible on his before he reluctantly pulled away, holding his forehead against hers again for a second, a sad look in his eyes as he stood up and stepped back.  
Dana looked up at him, tears streaming down her face again. “I love you, Gerard. Forever.”  
Gerard stroked her hair. “I love you too. More than anything.” He finally let go of her hand and wiped his eyes, taking one last look at the baby.  
Dana raised her eyebrows hopefully. “Forever?”  
“Forever.” He smiled again. “But I still have to go.”  
The hospital room was suddenly deserted again and the baby was kicking and waving at nothing, clutching at empty air. Dana immediately broke into loud sobs, and Mikey was awake and out of bed in a second. “Dana? Dana, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” He put on his glasses, climbed into the bed and put his arms around her. “Is it about my brother?”  
Dana nodded frantically. “Yes, yes, he was here, Mikes, he said he was here to see the baby, he kissed me, he gave me such a wonderful kiss, but he left again…” She started to cry harder, and Mikey pushed away an unexpected twinge of jealousy. “He… he said had to go, and…” She collapsed into hysterical sobs. “And I don’t think he’s ever coming back now, not ever again, not now that he’s seen the baby, he said that that was the deal…”  
Mikey kissed her cheek and started to stroke her hair. “Dana, honey, it was probably just a dream. It’s OK that you miss him. It’s normal.” He kissed her forehead and hugged her tight, stroking her hair soothingly, and then he froze. “Dana, did you put that teddy bear in with the baby?”  
Dana frowned. “What teddy bear?”  
“This one…” Mikey reached out and held up a slightly decrepit teddy with bald patches in its fur and only one eye. The baby immediately whinged and grabbed at it and Mikey quickly put it back, watching his chubby little hand curling protectively around the bear’s ragged arm. “It was Gerard’s when we were children. He loved it. He dragged it everywhere with him until he was about ten, even to church. It was called…” Mikey thought hard, a frown on his face. “Shona. It was called Shona. I remember now. Gerard was reading really well by the time he was three… and he innocently named it after one of the pinup girls on the wall in dad’s workshop.” He shook his head, staring at the bear. “I haven’t seen it in almost 20 years…”  
“Mikes, I’ve never seen it before.” Dana broke into a wide smile and laid her head on his chest. “But it was probably just a dream, right?”  
“Yeah.” Mikey stared down at the teddy bear as the baby grasped at it. “Sure.”


	26. Epilogue

December 12, 1957

“Sorry I woke you up last night, Dana. I had to go get G’s teething rings from downstairs, and then of course once he was awake, he wanted to play with Dad.” Mikey smiled apologetically. “Have fun at art college today?”  
“Oh yeah, my new professor hates some art critic’s book so much that our whole class was just to sit around for three hours and eat it. Literally eat it. Cover to fucking cover. $600 class tuition well spent.” Dana rolled her eyes. “Did you get any sleep at all last night, Mikes?”  
Mikey rolled his eyes. “Barely. Once he was up, all he wanted to do was swat at his mobiles and chatter away at Dad. In the end, I used an old Irish trick and rubbed a thimbleful of whisky on his gums. My grandmother did it with me and my brother when we were babies. She always told us that Gerard screamed nonstop for months.” He grinned. “Thank God G doesn’t.”  
“True.” Dana looked around. “And where is the prince?”  
Mikey sighed. “The prince is of course currently having a leisurely afternoon nap wrapped around his beloved ghost teddy after keeping Dad up all night.”  
“Aww, I heard the piano coming in and I was hoping I’d come up and find you guys playing…” Dana pouted. One of her favourite things was to come home and find baby Gerard sitting on a cushion on Mikey’s lap, mimicking Mikey’s fingers picking out simple nursery rhyme tunes on the piano keys.  
“I know, it’s so cute when he pulls himself up next to me and makes grabby hands at the piano.” Mikey smiled. “Maybe later when he wakes up we’ll play piano for you.”  
“Awwwww, my two favourite boys…” Dana laid her head on his shoulder. “Thank you, Mikes. You’re so good to me.”  
“Well, I love you, Dana, and I love him.” Mikey stroked her hair. “You know that.”  
“I love you too.” Dana sat down next to him on the piano stool. “Anything fun happen while I was out?”  
“Dana, G lives here. Plenty happened.” Mikey laughed. “Would you like the good news or the bad news first?”  
Dana hesitated. Well, the house is still standing. No one is maimed. I don’t see any actual fire. How bad can it be? “Ummm… the good news?”  
Mikey broke into a huge smile. “I got my early-decision letter in the mail today. Columbia accepted me for pre-med starting next fall semester. Full academic scholarship.”  
“Oh Mikes, I’m so proud of you!” Dana threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. “I told you you could do it!”  
“Yeah, but you’re a bit biased.” Mikey grinned. “I’m really excited, I mean, I wanted to do it ever since I was a little kid, and my brother always said I should, even though we both knew that neither of us could afford for me to go to college back then, but… a part of me is sad, because I wish he was here to see it. Does that… does that make sense? Is that weird?” He suddenly looked like he was about to cry.  
“No, Mikes.” Dana shook her head quietly. “No, it’s not weird.”  
Mikey nodded and quickly wiped his eyes. “I took G over to Trinity in his pram to see him this afternoon, so I could tell him. I left the acceptance letter there, and a couple of G’s new scribbles, but… but I really, really wish I could have told him in person.” He stared at his knees and Dana put her arm around his shoulders. “The minute I saw the letter I actually opened my mouth for a second to yell for him to get downstairs and come see, and then it hit me all over again that he was gone.” He looked at her. “He never even lived here, Dana. How long do you think it’ll take for moments like that to stop?”  
“I don’t think they ever will, Mikes, not really.” Dana smiled sadly. “I feel like that all the time when I do something at the art college, or if G does something new or funny. Sometimes it even takes a second or two for me to actually realise I can’t just go tell him.” She stroked his back soothingly. “So, since the mood is so cheerful already, what was the bad news?”  
“Well…” Mikey took a deep breath. “Dana… G can crawl.”  
Dana’s eyes widened and her hand flew to her mouth. “…Oh God.”  
“I know…” Mikey put his hand reassuringly on her knee. “Don’t worry, though, I’ll quit on updating the multi-sensory play area for a day to build those gates I designed on the stairs tomorrow. Knowing him, being able to crawl will just be a whole new way of getting himself into mischief, and there’s only so long we can keep him in the living room. Just wait until spring when he starts trying to eat things in the yard. Don’t worry, though, I dug up any of the even slightly poisonous things when we moved in, and I’ll put in a swing and a big slide for him to play on. He’ll love that… at least, until he gets bored and wants to go back to eating dirt.” Mikey had lost count of the bizarre places his child had gotten himself stuck over the past two months, even when all he was able to do was pull himself along on his belly. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. Once, he’d actually had to wait for him to fall asleep and then grease him with butter to extract him. He smiled and stroked Dana’s hair. “I knew we were in trouble the second he figured out how to sit up on his own two months before the book said he should.”  
Dana laughed. “You know he only did that because rolling over got boring and he wanted more things to stare at, right?”  
Mikey shrugged. “Obviously. That’s why I sit with him in the top window while I’m reading so he can watch the street outside and wave at yellow cabs.” He smiled. “I love you, Dana. You always make me smile.”  
“I love you too, Mikes.” Dana hugged him tightly, hesitated for a second, and then leaned in and kissed him, her face lingering so close to his that he could feel her breath on his face. He saw her smile, and then she kissed him again, her hands stroking the sides of his face. Mikey kissed her gently, his hands in her hair, and then more and more passionately, throwing his glasses aside and vaguely hearing them break on the floor as he suddenly became very aware of how thin her dress actually was without her sweater, and that he could feel the outline of every one of her curves beneath it.  
Dana wrapped her arms around his back and pulled him closer, her tongue in his mouth as she kissed him, his hand tangled in her hair as he rand his finger down her spine.  
Dana felt her breath catch as he started to kiss her neck, cradling the sides of her face in his hands and covering her neck and chest with gentle kisses, running his hands gently across her skin. He felt… different than Gerard, gentler, slower, and definitely far, far less assertive or pushy, much less dominant. He was obviously less experienced and less confident, but she had the reassuring sense that he wouldn’t care how he felt as long as she was happy. Actually, she got the feeling he hadn’t had his pants off with a girl in his life without hoping desperately for the fairytale Disney ending, assuming he ever actually HAD. She smiled and kissed him harder, pulling his body tightly against hers. He looked at her questioningly, one eyebrow raised. Dana smiled and nodded silently and his mouth fell open, and then a grin spread slowly across face. He began to kiss her gently, over and over and over, cradling her face in his hands as she looked into his eyes, her hands running across his back. “Oh, this is so… wow…”  
Dana glanced at the baby monitor. “Just remember we need to be really, REALLY quiet so we don’t wake the baby… he might never sleep again…”  
Mikey managed to hold back a laugh, nodded, and then nervously took hold of her hand to lead her unsteadily up towards their room, silently cursing himself for having thrown away his glasses already. Well planned there, Mikey. Because every woman’s fantasy is a myopic idiot. “Oh Dana, I have wanted this for so long… I’ve never forgotten that night in the corridor, where you kissed me… I even remember how it felt when those jewels on your dress kept snagging on my shirt…  
Dana nodded, kissing him frantically. “I know, I mean, I was always going to kiss you that night, but it was… it was way more than I planned. WAY more. I think a part of me has always felt something for you, Mikes, because that kiss, I never wanted it to end, however much I loved your brother…”  
“And you looked so beautiful in that dress, Dana. That was when I knew you were the only one for me… even if I could never be with you.” They had finally reached their bedroom and Mikey suddenly hesitated, not at all sure about what he was meant to do next. This was somewhat uncharted territory for Mikey, who had only barely managed to get this far with the extremely domineering and bossy Italian waitress before she had thrown him out of her bed and sent him packing in disgrace.  
“Are you not sure what to do now, Mikes?” Dana put on hand on his shoulder and he hung his head in embarrassed shame. “Mikes? Have you never done this before?”  
“Uh, well, um, not exactly. No.” Mikey shifted uncomfortably on the spot. “And now I have no idea where to start. Maybe I can go and look it up, or if you wait five minutes I’ll go and ask Cesar-”  
“It’s OK, Mikes.” Dana laughed softly and steered him across the room towards the bed. “I’ll show you…” She paused. “And under no circumstances do you ever, EVER discuss anything about this with Cesar.”  
Mikey swallowed nervously. “Understood.”

Mikey and Dana had three children of their own, all girls, and ran a foster home for children in long-term state care out of their spare bedrooms. Dana purchased the neighbouring building and turned it into a shelter for battered women with children. She also endowed a permanent Gerard Arthur Way scholarship at Juilliard for a disadvantaged student pianist.

Mikey graduated with Columbia’s class of 1961, majoring in pre-med, and then went on to Johns Hopkins Medical School, specialising in emergency and trauma medicine.

Gerard Jr. went to Juilliard to study music, and became the internationally known concert pianist and composer his father had always aspired to be. Their two middle children, twin girls named Helena and Katherine, went to NYU/Tisch, became radical socialists, and formed a punk rock band. Their youngest child Caitlin also went to NYU/Tisch and launched an independent graphic novel company.

Dana refused to set foot on any boat ever again, although Mikey is now slightly less scared of water after taking their four children and various foster kids to water parks over the years. She did, however, finally get to fly on one of the TWA Super Constellation airliners a year after Andrea Doria, when she flew to London to see a Walter Sickert exhibition.

Dana did frame the picture Gerard drew of their first meeting at the piano, and it now hangs in the main sitting room of their home in Hamilton Heights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dana will always love Gerard, but she and Mikey fit together so well too that it was inevitable that one day they would be together. Happy endings come in all shapes and sizes, and some come after tragedy. 
> 
> Ultimately... I felt Mikey and Dana deserved a real life together, so that's what I gave them.


End file.
